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Just a real quick note, thank you for being so complete with your reply.

I am waiting for the final report back from DCFS to take to court and see what I can do.

Two questions remain:
1) I assume this is not family court but another venue that this is reviewed and made actionable (or is this something the family court judge can also proceed with?).

2) Can her attorney address me outside the court to review alternative solutions to this case. I am aware that traditionally both sides attorney's discuss and drive toward solutions, however I am currenty pro se and have nott approached him on this in any way.  Are there legal issues that prevent a pro se attorney from contacting my  ex-wilfe's  attorney's to recommend a solution to this issue??

Thanks so much, the court system is very much different than I expected since all efforts seems to go against the Judge making decisions (and just allowing lawyers to find a compromise outside of the court room, which in my case is not possilbe, since my exwife refuses to move towards any solution).

Thanks again for all of your help.

Hi Socrateaser,

I have been invovled in a custody dispute for about 16 months (2nd one in three years, first one represented, this one pro se). My kids are 17 and 15 at this point, we have been in counseling (with kids), GAL, mediation ect, long story but the kids have been feed allot of misinformation which has skewed there perception of things. Long story, and very messy without little hope at this point.

The reason I am writing however is about a false order of protection recently placed on me (we had it quashed during a status order with our regular status judge, motion dismissed) and now 30 days later I have been in contact with DCFS that had an additional Hot tip placed against me. Meeting with the DCSF, they have been in contact with the counselers ect. as well as myself and strongly believe this case is unfounded (have not received this from Springfield Il as of yet, but that is what he indicated as I left).

Talked to the states attourney (Will County Il)  to address this, however they indicated they do not get involved in this???

What can I do to "Present this to the court", file a harrasement suite or ??. If you look at my records, lots of police activity (trying to pick up the kids I have requested their assitance), now OOP (although dropped) and DCFS reports (also unfounded). Without getting into detials it looks like I am a real problem, when I (actually the kids) are the victums here.

Looking for what options I have regarding the use of false police reports ect. and how do we fight this, cause her to stop this.

Sorry so long,

Thanks for anything you can provide.

Yes.  The orginal Divoce I had an attourney. Even though there were mutilpe issues regarding marital issues (her affairs ect) we agreed to a no-fault divorce with 50/50 visitation (my first mistake).   After about 6 months, my ex decided to interfere with the vistation and kept the kids from being with me. Police indicated nothing they could do (too tramatic on kids to pull them out of their house) and we went to court. After 10 more months, started having "new" visitation schedule (still 50/50), but lots of lost time, and lots of money gone as well, with no consequences to the ex spouse.

Six months later she did the same thing again, so I began to represent myself in court (had all of the older motions, GAL, Mediation  numbers ect.  Not very smart but at this time it was the only thing I could do.

I did counsel with numerous attourney's that gave me much advice but little hope since the kids are older and even if we won (minus 40K) we still did not have any garrentee that the kids would come back.

Being Pro Se is not very smart, but then again I do not believe it has changed anything in my case. .Each case is different. My current Judge is not very father friendly, my ex is a psychatric nightmare, and the court systems hates pro se since they are not being funded to their "family of lawyers and judges". THe idea of family court seems to be one of wearing down (fathers) and not intrested in the best intrest of the children. They look for Compromises and not the real issues. Since I am pro se it appears that settlements that are usally arranged out of court have been not approached to me, but then I am alittle more stubborn at this point (and allot more educated than the first time I made agreements) and her attourney has not' been paid so he just wants out of the case but can't.

If you go pro se, have a good support system in place (family, church groups ect), and find ways to take emotion out of your position when dealing with this as pro se. You need to be able to release your feelings but realize that attourneys usally take on one side of the stress while you can release it and be the father/parent.

I have spent many nights waking up feeling very hopeless, but I do believe I am doing what God has intended me to do, and they way it needs to be done (with loving kindness, and without anger but still pushing back).

In my case, I am looking for  the long term relationship with my kids and allowing the short term be lost for now (very much a PAS situtation) since the current family law does not include laws to protect fathers (or mothers) regarding mentially abusive ex-spouses.

Look to see if you can obtain legal assitance thru your local courthouse as well. Legal aid is sometimes available.

Good luck,
Anthony

To innocentprinces:

It's amazing what some people will think, my ex has violated every part of the PP, continues to violate any part of visitation (shared 50/50) and one day, while we are in court, she indicated that she refused for my son (16yro) to go to a camp during the summer because as she stated to me "Can you imagine not seeing him for the summer?? I (BM) couldn't handle not seeing him for that length of time".  She never really gets it either, since we have been wrapped up in court for some time and two years of summers have gone by for me.

It's easy for me to understand my situation since she (BM) is on depression med's, 15 years in psychiatric therapy (for mental illness) and one of the most narcissistic people I have ever come across. Every evulation she ends up recieving, ends up with "They don't know what they are talking about" and looks for someone else to get agreement.

To my face and to the court, she cries out "I am not trying to keep the kids from anyone" but her actions speak loud and clear.

Take a look in the mirror, talk out loud to your reflection, and truly listen to what you are saying (Do this more than once, since it is not easy for us to see what is truly infront of us).

It's nice to see that my BM is not one of a kind!!  But I truly feel sorry for the damage that will be done to this little girl. My daughter has been turned against me by her BM and her boyfriend with very similar situation and while the courts look for compromises, any legal action far under reports the pain and suffering this little girl will go thru (and of course the courts act so swiftly on this!!). My little girl will need many more years of consoling and probably therapy and only by the grace of God will I have an opportunity to have a renewed relationship with her as she grows into a young adult. She is truley the innoncent princess in this mess.

Please stay on your meds, and additional consoling for your thoughts. I may not help but it couldn't hurt.

Who is that person that sponsered this?

Any idea on what this task force is using to aknowldge this as a fact (as in what details do they use ect).

Do you think it would benefit more of us would write them as well (not to vent, however to share their story??).

I would be also glad to share my story with them, the details are stagering at this point.

Thanks for the words and insights to a very similar situation. The Judge is Allen, and while I had an attourney earlier on, I realized that I was just spending energy on nothing. I have consulted with a few attourney's however they indicated due to the age of the kids (both in there later teens) that by the time the courts were thru they would be o their own.

Can you add in anything  about the Laws on Visitation interference. While I have found some information, it didn't seem to have the teeth that you described. What laws were there and what are the consequences for her' actions.. I have filed contempt charges, but as you described, her lawyer (I am assuming has never been paid) and the' Judge would like this just to go away and either be settled out of court or for me just to' stop trying.

Let me know, and thanks!

The DM continues to harrass me including OOP (order of protections) which the lastest one I have successful had dropped during our visitation status court date. However it remains on my record (I now need a lawyer to have it expunged?).

What action can I take (States Attourney??) to file a false police report ect to push back on this constant harrasement?

We have been imbattled in a visitation issue, she continues to file false charges to  impead any progress on correcting this.

I had heard once before that the PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrom) was up before the court system for review during the past 12 months, but I have been able to find anything (rules/approval ect) on this.

My ex is a classic example of what I have read, in mutiple books, however when I approached the Judge (Will County Il) two years ago he refused to consider this since it was up for review and not accepted within the DSMIV' as of that time.

Can anyone help me with this information, or how to approach a Judge that has not moved on a visitation interfernce issue now going on over two years (My original Court Parenting agreement' indicates' 50% of' the' time I have Physical Joint  Custody).

Motions have been filed but no results, just conintued status which has not broken down futher.

Thanks

Hi, sorry in advance of the rambling on to follow:

I have received great advise from many of you on this site (Soc is an awesome resource) and thanks for all that you continue to do.

Not sure if this will be asking for advise or just something to think about.

I have been separated/divorced now about 5 years (after a 15 year marriage). While I wasn't perfect (we all are not) the marriage ended due to multiple infidelity on my ex-wife's part. The attorney's however encouraged (for the benefit of the two teenage children) a no-fault divorce and somehow I requested and received a 50/50 joint parenting agreement (had the both kids every weekend plus extra days).

That lasted only 6 months, and we found ourselves in court (visitation
interference from the BM) After an additional 6 months of court, and GAL; Counselors; Legal; Mediation; while I lost countless days, she did not get a slap on the wrist. The entire event read like many of the Alienation studies I read, but the Judge (Illinois) did not want to allow that and even threated me with "Do you want to see the kids at all??" type of statements.

One year later I found myself fighting the battle again. This time the PAS
behavior had a greater affect.

After another 2 years in court/GAL/Counselors and dragged thru numerous false DCFS (Children and family services) and false police reports (Orders of protection), she just picked up and moved.

The only judge comment, "Looks like you'll have a hard time serving her with any more motions" (current motion was just left open).

After speaking with a number of attorney's, they indicated with one child
almost at 18 and the other one at 16 all the money could not change this in time. It seem to make sense that after a certian year kids could not be forced even if the paperwork did not change. Cases were sited very close to this type where the dad won but still lost since the kids refused to follow any orders (and the BM played down the situation).

I decided to just let go, but it has been hard. During this entire time, the
more I pushed the more she used the kids as a shield. During counseling they seemed very confused and hurt, but blammed me for all the confusion. I became the bad guy since I was causing the BM all the pain and suffering as well as forcing them to therapy.

I have wrote them weekly letters, just saying hi and while these were forwarded to a local post office box, I am not sure how many they received (I am now getting some returned).

Be careful what you think you may have (as to agreements). no CS just some recently expired maintaince. I thought I had a pretty good agreement (very clear dates ect), but if the other party doesn't play nicely then it becomes your issue. I documented everything but laws don't seem to be affected. The "Best interest of the children" continued to be used (regardless of any laws).

In my case she had no fear of who she lied to (currently she is in hiding not just from me, but the Government, Police, Mortgage Lenders, County collections, family, and her even her ex-boyfriend who tried to be the saving knight and now is has his names attached on many of these areas.

I miss my kids but sometimes there is nothing you can do. While I hurt today, my only hope is that we will be back together after the dust settles. I have faith in that.

I've looked for them, but so far she has used bad addresses and have left to a dead end so far. I hope one day that some of these laws will have some teeth that when broken will have some consequences and not just looked the other way. The jugde indicated if I could find that she
had moved out of state the laws get alittle harsher, but in my experince so far that it'll do me more damage than any good.

Advice and or thoughts??

Thanks for listening -

I have heard comments about judges stateing to the fathers "You should have kept it in your pants" when trying to negoitate parenting issues.

Since I have several letters by the BM to her boyfriend declaring her wish to leave our marrige (and disclosing some intimate details of their encounters) While we have now been divorced (no fault) I would love for my current custody Judge (visitation interference by the BM)comment like that.  I wonder the response would be then.

and ...

3) In her mind, "breastfeeding = custody"

Humm, in my case, no breastfeeding occured with the children does this nullify this (and that they are in their early teens currently, I would hope that breast feeding is still not an issue).