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If the step-parent is loving and caring to the child, why not like them?  I have a step-mother who I love just as much as my mom and dad.  To me, as long as my son's step-mom or step-girlfriend  LOL is good to him, I have no problem with her at all.  If she wants to talk with me about him that's fine also. She has never talked to me about him but we do talk casually when we see eachother.  My son has been raised by my husband since he was 8 months old so that is his father figure at home.  BF had supervised visitation until DS was almost 3. Now, my husband does not like BF because of the way he has treated DS and me and they way he continues to take advantage of my niceness and the system. I'm sure DS's step-mom has feelings like that towards me but she doesn't show them anymore.  I don't blame the step-parents for having feelings like that because it's hard on them too. But they knew what they were getting involved in also.  So I can see it both ways. Especially if the parent and the step-parent have a child together.  I personally don't agree that the step-parents don't have a say in the child's life.  They are part of the family too. Now I think it would be different if there was a new step-mother/father every year or so LOL but step-parents are parents to in my eyes.  Sometimes step-parents can be a great outside view on a situation.  I know my husband has really helped me in my thoughts and how to rethink a situation before I react.

We try and keep everything simple meaning what happens at his house is their business and what happens at my house is our business unless it becomes a danger to DS.  Sure there are things that really annoy me like clothing not coming back or him taking DS early when it's his parenting time and not doing the favor of returning him early but in the long scheme of things, that's petty.  It's the things that effect DS health wise etc...that get me upset.  

So I guess basically I'm saying if the step-parent is a added benefit to the family dynamics then it's great. I would much rather have someone who loves my child and help his BF in raising him than someone who ignored him, abused him etc... But I do know that some times some step-parents aren't that way.  But that goes both ways.  There are CPs that are just as bad too.  

I am wanting to change the jurisdiction for my case.  It was signed by both parties and the judge 2 years ago and has remained in the county where my son was born.  My son and I have lived in another county for 4 years now.  We are in Texas.  Which form do I use to change the jurisdiction from one county to another?  If I can do it on my own without using the attorney I used during the case then that would be great.  I have not had to use him in 2 years and I do not owe him one cent and would love to keep it that way by doing the form on my own.  

Thank you!!:-)

Thanks for your reply.  I don't like or dislike your answer....just looking for any type of response so I can see both sides.  Make sense?  

 We have never split child care costs before.  When DS was in daycare (while I worked) I paid the total cost myself.  Monthly child support did not cover half the cost either so it was not like he paid for half of child care then.  I am a stay at home mom now so there is not child care away from the home.  He was in preschool this year but I just paid that out of child support.  I do not know his MIL.  Just enough to say hello etc.  I have only seen her 2 times.  DS's father and I were never involved in a relationship.  To be blunt we just slept together a couple of times and my birthcontrolled failed.  I got pg and he didn't want to be a father and wanted an abortion.  I didn't so we decided that I would raise the child on my own with nothing from him since he did not want to be involved.  It wasn't until I met someone almost a year later after DS was born that he wanted to be involved.  So we went to court and established paternity, support and visitation.    

As far as if he is really poor or not, I don't know that it is he is poor. I think he is just making poor money decisions. He and his girlfriend just moved 2 months ago and he told me they had to come up with deposits for everything and he just didn't have the extra money when it came time to pay child support.  I can understand that money is tight...believe me.  I was a single parent w/DS the entire time I was pg and for a year after he was born until I met my husband.  But he has had his job for 12 years and between he and his girlfriend they make around $50,000 a year-maybe a little more but I'm not sure about his side jobs he does.  And the new place they are renting is between $700-$800 a month cheaper.  But during the same time he said he was hurting for money and was late on child support he bought another brand new vehicle.  I'm not trying to make this into a money issue just giving a little background history.  

As far as the clothes, I thought about writing a list and sending it with the clothes but I didn't want to make them feel bad or that I was treating him like a chilc.  But maybe it will help them remember what he brought like it helped you.  DS does have a lot of clothes there because they have not made it home so I don't know why he said he doesn't have any.  I think i will  just buy some clothes for there because I would rather him have clothes there that I know he can wear than think about him wearing rags (I don't mean from the thrift store or consignment stores at all-they have great finds!!) or clothes that are too small.  

I think I am going to just send in the paperwork to have it taken out of his check.  That way we don't have to bring it up...it's just taken out and taken care of.  

As far as sharing the cost of his child care during his summer stay, I'm still undecided.  I can't see where legally it says anywhere in our paperwork where I have to and it does not say that he does not pay child support during the summer stay.  In fact it states in a couple of places that and expenditures incurred by him during his period of possesion for food, clothing, care, shelter etc...are his responsiblities and are not credits towards what he pays monthly on child support.  I thought about offering this option for his summer stay....he could always bring him here during the day while he is at work.  That would save him the money he would have to pay his MIL.  I believe she watches his other child and one more child (I think it is another granddaughter of hers) during the day.  She's not a liscenced or listed child care provider.  She just watches the kids because she doesn't have a job and because it's her grandkids.

Thanks again for your thoughts.  I appreciate you taking the time to respond.  Sorry my response was long.  I was just trying to give accurate and complete information and it got long!!  

Hi all.  I am the CP to a 5 yr old boy.  He will be going for his summer visit (30 days) with his father in July.  We live in Texas and live less than 100 miles from eachother.  We have standard possession orders with few changes..  Last year was the first summer he went for the extended stay.  I have a couple of questions.

1.  During the extended summer visit am I required to pay half of any child care expenses?  He is asking for me to pay half since he is "short on money and our son is both ours." He wants to just pay  the difference of what child care will cost for him for July's child support.  (DS will be staying with his MIL who also watches his daughter. He also stayed with her last year and at Christmas and has never asked before for me to help)

2. Would he be in contempt for not paying child support for the month of the extended visit?

3.  He also stated that he could not afford to provide clothing for DS when he is at his home and that I need to send clothes for him to wear there because he has none and he can not afford to buy any. Orginally I sent clothes for the weekend.  But every week less came home.  So we agreed via email that we would not send clothing either way.  If he comes home with clothes that they have bought I send it back.  When DS comes home he has clothes that are 2 sizes too small and not with the clothes he had on when he left.  It states in our paperwork that he is ordered to return personal effects and I assume that is standard.

4.  In our orders it says that his child support should be withheld from his earnings.  Before we had the final paperwork signed he would just send child support to me.  It was never on time but it eventually got to me.  He never paid insurance or his part of the medical expenses and in the final paperwork the judge ordered that to be paid out monthly to me until he paid it in full.  After we signed the paperwork he asked me if he could continue mailing the child support to me because he was in arrearage and he works for a government office and they frown on that.  So I said that he continue mailing it to me himself but if it did not get to me by the 5th then I would start the process to have it withheld.  Well the past two months he has  been almost 30 days late and last month he was short.  Would it be (I don't know what the word it other than..bitchy of me to file the papers to withhold his earnings for child support?

I really have tried to be easy and flexible to work with because I don't want DS to suffer at all.  He is always changing around the week visits to fit his schedule and I always try to switch provide we don't have plans made already. If he comes early to pick him up I let him go and don't make him come back early.  But I don't want to be taken advantage of.  Does that make sense?  There are a lot of other little things but they are all adding up...coming home an hour after he is suppose to bring him home, not notifing me of him moving to a different city, phone numbers etc... Anyway, I guess I'm just asking how would you respond back in an email about whether or not I am suppose to provide half of child care while he is in his care and the other questions.

Thank you for reading and for any advice.

I'm in Texas and I was told by my attorney that you can't hold them to a verbal agreement and can't file for contempt.  It sucks because she told you and you made plans but I was under the impression (at least from my attorney) that if you can't agree and someone goes back on their word then you have to fall back on what is in writting legally.  Like I said I'm in Texas so I don't know how it is in your state.  

Why can't people just honor their word?  Good luck to you.

Just wondering if you heard back from your attorney.  I found myself thinking about that today.  I hope it all goes your way!!  :-)

Does he have a copy of their divorce degree?  I would think it would discuss custody there along w/the info about how much child support he pays etc...if he doesn't have it then he should call the county office where the divorce was granted and ask what their procdure is for getting a copy of his degree and anything else that pertains to their situation.  There will be a charge and it differs in every county.  Once you get that you can see what exactly he has and go from there.

And in my opinion about your bfs theory about his son realizing the reality and then wanting a relationship.. I think that is a lot to ask.  If the mom has moved his son away and won't let him see his dad I'm sure she is not trying to help the relationship at all.  There is probably going to be a lot of PAS and that child may be brainwashed and not want a relationship w/dad.  I think if you bf wants a relationship he needs to get the paperwork and see what type of custody and visitation and then start using his custodial rights.  So far he hasn't really fought or forced visitation so she doesn't think he will.  The longer he waits to enforce his visitation the harder it will be.  Just imagine what she might be telling his son about his dad.  I'm not saying she will because I don't know her I'm just telling you what happens alot and that this is more reality than the son just realizing what is going on.  And if he signs his rights away I can almost guarantee that that will be something else the biomom can use to say see he doesn't care or love you.  

As far as emailing the biomom, I wouldn't do it.  My advice for you is to stay out of it.  You emailing her will probably just make her mad.  You can help him behind the sceens so to speak by getting info for him but he has to be the one to take charge of the situation.  I'm not trying to make it seem like you're unimportant but it really is between the two of them.  The best thing you can do for him is be there for him for support because he is going to need it.  

Good luck w/everything.  I really hope your boyfriend thinks twice about signing his rights away if he even can now.  And I hope this doesn't come across bad but I just wanted you to know what the reality is.

I don't think it matters if you helped him word it or not.  My DH helped me word things and helped me weed out the unnecessary words.  Sometimes it's good to have a 3rd party who isn't too emotionally in it look over and give suggestions.  And your fiance could just say nope I'm writing them.  As long as he is the one typing it out and sending it I don't see the problem.  But that's just from my personal experience.  

My personal opinion is that it depends on the judge..just as everything else does.  So you might ask your attorney what they think about the judge you'll be going in front of.  That being said it worked well in my case.  It was easier for me to write out everything I need to say in a nice and calm manner and got the point across.  It also provided me with a record for such things as if BF wanted to get nasty, well there it was in black and white.  If he wanted to say, no I'm not going to give him the medicine his dr prescribed, well I had that also.  It also helped when he threatened me and my DH and he was given a very stern warning about that and it hasn't happened again.  The first time we went to court I didn't have emails to back up what I was saying so he lied on the stand.  The 2nd time I had them so he couldn't try to back peddle his way out of it.  Because I had in writing that he was taking drugs (you think what an idiot would admit to it in writing right) then he had to admit to it on the stand.  So know he knows I will use emails in court so he has no reason to be anything but nice.  

 Anyway, I think I read somewhere on the site here that you want to make sure it's an email system where the server or whatever it's called isn't stored at your house where you could make it appear as if you received mail saying something that it really didn't.  Something like a hotmail or yahoo acct is what I think was suggested so that way the info couldn't be faked.  

Good luck to you and your fiance.

edited to add: I'm in Texas btw.

Thanks for letting us know about that.  I have a friend and her DH has been paying cs for years and never had regular visitation.  I believe she got pg right out of high school but told him the child was someone elses...anyway....she then told him no it was his and he believed her and they went to court, he paid child support (while she sets at home and doesn't work...he makes enough for her to "live" off and then last year she wanted to increase that so he decided to do a paternity test.  Turns out this child is not his...imagine that.  He's never had a bond with this child because the mother moved and denied visitation for so long.  And the court is still making him pay even though this child is not his.  I will have to let her know about this program.  
Thanks again!!