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You are correct about the child support, now.

Originally, that is not what she was doing.
She didn't mention an order when she filed in her current state UNTIL her current state called to inform her she could not request child support for children already receiving child support. Her response "Golly gee. I was just wanting to change the jurisdiction and forgot. I'll do it right now."  6 weeks, 20 emails, 15 nastygrams from both states later..she does what the first state told her she had to do.

We finally got it straightened out, as to which state was supposed to be withholding the child support..but that took 30 days because SHE did not do what she was supposed to.  Guess what? Then, we get a nastygram asking where her child support is and accusing him of being a deadbeat dad who's refusing to pay child support.

Anyhow...I think we finally have it straight, but if she'd just do the honest thing none of this would happen.

Well, I did copy everyone, including H when I responded. I wanted to make sure no one could make the implication that I was meddling. I wanted everything on the up and up. We just wanted HER to leave HIM alone.  I swear she honestly can't do it. Every few days she HAS to send something.  I fully expect another email this week, although she's been quiet for a few days.

I do worry that filing a contempt order each time she misbehaves is going to bankrupt us in legal fees. I don't relish that.

I do have another question....

Is there legal recourse for him with regard to her constant lying about monies received?

He does not pay her directly, but that did not stop her from filing a second child support order, leaving him with two states seeking child support for the same order. Each time she does these things, the burden of proof is on him. She was told by her current state to file for a change of jurisdiction in the divorce state, once they found out she had two open cases. It took her almost two months and WE had to field the phone calls, clean up the payroll issues, etc.

Is there some way we can keep her from doing these things, repeatedly?

ocean,

Thank you for the advice. It is really helpful.

I had the right idea initially to stay out of it. I suppose I should have continued on that path, regardless of her attempts to drag me in. My downfall was being tired of the arguing and the constant crap directed at H. I should have known better, it seems.

The good thing is...my intervention made her angry, so she has actually left him alone for a week or so. Yay for small miracles.

We are trying the mediation route first, as that is actually what is proposed in the divorce decree. But, I think that you are correct that we'll need to go to court. I really don't want the kids to be dragged into it, but I'm afraid it's going to happen. They are really great kids and have been through A LOT in just two years. It would be great if their mother could see these things will hurt them more than they will ever damage us.

There's a lot more to the story, but I think I'll let him tell it when he has time.  We are both under this username, as we both have questions about the same situation.

Funny thing about the harassment charges. She has not stopped since she found out about me, and the first thing her husband did when we made the request that she no longer email H is send text messages stating we were harassing them and that she was fearful of my actions as I had refused to meet her.

They are really insane. I hate to say that, but....

To be honest, I feel as if she MADE me a part of it.
I refused contact with her after our numerous attempts at introduction (per her request) were thwarted. At each juncture, she has made certain to try and drag me into the middle of it. She even went so far as to insinuate that my children would molest hers (without having met any of us and knowing nothing of me). She's done everything possible to anger the both of us, and I've simply refused to indulge her. The only reason I agreed to step in was in the hopes that she and her husband would leave my H alone.

I never had these problems with my ex and I got along with his new wife just fine. So, I'm way out of my league. I've never dealt with crazy people before.

We decided to have me as the contact in order to stop the harassment. She emails him multiple times every week, with some new complaint, and if he doesn't respond immediately, she then begins with the text messaging. Regardless of having been asked to stop, she simply continues. She has stated repeatedly that I have to speak with her, so we thought we'd try that. I wasn't married to her so she can't push my buttons and I'm not interested in arguing with her, either.

Her husband is a major bone of contention. He forces the children to call him "Dad" (even though it expressly forbids this in their divorce decree). He's even gone so far as to call H and rant at him because the children had a nice time with H, and stepdad didn't want to hear about it. He refers to them as HIS children.

She filed a second order for child support in the state she moved to.; thus creating two separate child support orders for the same case.  As she is prone to falsifying documents (up to and including not filing her marriage with the state, so she could receive alimony), we worry that she will file the contempt order anyway, that she will refuse to allow him to pick up the children, or that she will arrive at our home before her scheduled pickup day and cause problems.

With regard to the communication issue, he no longer wants to talk to her. I can only presume this means we'll have to choose a mediator as our liaison.

I'm not really sure where to start with our story, but I'll try to bulletpoint the highlights and add detail as needed..

More or less, we are having trouble dealing with his ex. She defies the divorce decree at almost every turn, sends a constant barrage of nasty emails, tries to limit his visitation, etc.

Chain of Events:

1) Divorce final May 2009
2) Ex remarries June 2009
3) Ex moves to another state June 2009 (with the children)
4) H and I meet in October 2009
5) Move in together March 2010
6) When he notified her of his change of address, the email barrage began. She threatened to keep his children from him, because we were not married at the time and she found us "immoral".
7) More emails demanded that I drive 24 hours to her home state to meet her in person, or she would...you guessed it...not allow visitation
More emails about how she despises him
9) Children do arrive for their summer visit , but the email barrage continues, up to and including, her informing us the children were not to stay with me and she needed a detail explanation of where they would be when H was working.
10) June 2010 - calls H crying, saying her husband yelled at her for being mean to us. She justified saying she only had her children's best interests at heart.
11) June 2010 - Found out we planned to marry in 2011...suddenly offers to help with the wedding
12) November 2010 - See kids for Thanksgiving. They are unwashed, in ratty clothes, and state they are hungry because are not allowed snacks or seconds, youngest D informs us she only bathes twice a week. He talks to the ex and she blows him off, refuses to speak to him about it, tells him to file a complaint if he's got a problem.
13) November 2010 - We file a complaint, as requested.
14) January 2011 - Ex files second claim for CS (illegal, btw)
15) January 2011 - Ex begins sending constant emails informing H he will pick the children up on her schedule
16) February 2011 - Signs youngest D up for an activity during his time of possession at Spring Break...thus denying his visit for Spring Break
17) March 2011 - Ex refuses to honor the Standard Possession Order in decree, stating she will file contempt charges if he keeps his children for the dates listed in decree
18) March 2011 - In order to stop the barrage of nasty emails , we elect me ask that all communication go through me. She refuses, and she and her H spend several days sending numerous disparaging emails, making threats, etc.
19) March 2011 - We ask for mediation. They refuse. They then state they will but only if I am not allowed to be part of the mediation. Then they state they'll mediate but only if we pay for all of it. Then they state they'll mediate but only if we use THEIR mediator.
20) April 2011 - Her husband threatens youngest child with punishment if he engages in summertime activities with his father. We send an email asking that this behavior stop...and were directed to their attorney.


Please keep in mind, I have never met these people. They know nothing about me. I offered a phone call as introduction early on when the harassment started, but his ex wife refused unless she could have a one on one conversation with me..without H present. Each attempt to meet with her was thwarted unless it was done in her state or on her schedule.

Has anyone else ever dealt with these issues? What do you do?

Thank you