Oh this is going to take forever to type.
Quick backround: My ex and I were married for 19 years, and have 4 kids who are 24, 21, 16, and 9. It was hell on earth for all of us, except the youngest one. It took me 7 years to get away from him. Their father devalued the 2 oldest, while spoiling the 2 youngest. Well I finally called the cops on him, and he moved out. He fit the clinical definition of a sociopath years ago, and now exhibits Narcissistic Personality Disorder behaviors.
I won't address his constant cheating while we were married, however after we separated he had a different woman every time the kids saw their father. The now 16 year old boy (unfortunately I believe he has the same problems as his father) exploded one day in a rage, and called his father a slut. This was in front of two of his sisters and brother in law. The boy proceeded to wreck some furniture. Yes, I've tried psychiatrists and psychologists after the separation, but it's too late.
After dating countless numbers of women, he found one and moved in with her, her parents, and her kids. She, unfortunately is an enabler. He fed her some of the most absurd lies, which caused her to call Social Services on me. Unfortunately for my ex, the boy spilled the beans on him, citing his personality change(talks different, dresses different, got rid of all his possesions, gave the bongs to the 21 yr old, got rid of a 35 yr old record collection, etc) upon announcing his decision to move in with his now wife. The kids had only met her once before, before he made this decision. Basically the kids blew the whistle on him. The social worker barged into my house, which I now know is illegal, and basically told me I needed some moral support. I called the worker several times about the conditions in their father's new residence, until finally a man called me back and told me to seek legal help regarding my ex, and that they were closing the investigation. This took place 2 years after our divorce. I'm trying to do this chronologically, but it's hard.
We went through mediation, and my attorney tried to set up a fair visitation schedule for him. I found this attorney through the local domestic violence shelter, and she understood that I was scared to death of him. I was so disgusted with him at that meeting, that I went outside and had a cigarette. You see, he's too busy and important to stick to a regular visitation schedule. My attorney gave him 2 weeks in the summer anyway. Later she told me that in all her years of practice, she's never seen a father behave like that.
Those 2 weeks every summer? It's been 3 years since our divorce was final, and guess how many weeks he's taken? ONE! Look, I think he's emotionally damaging the kids, and would prefer that he fall off the face of the earth, but the 9 yr old, until recently, thought the sun rose and set on daddy. So we all tried to keep our mouths shut about his outrageous behavior.
The latest thing to hit the fan has all the kids angry at him. Here's what he wrote to me November 2nd:
"I will be out of town Dec 19-26, so can I please have the kids for xmas after the 26th for a week. I cannot change my plans and would appreciate the switch in days. Pleas let me know so I can plan accordingly. Please write and let me know. Thanx ****"
That was his scheduled time for Christmas visitation this year. Why didn't HE PLAN ACCORDINGLY?
You'll all just love this: He sent postcards to the kids. Bass Lake is absolutely beautiful. He sent a scenic pic to the 9 yr old girl, and a pic of 3 lovely ladies in teeny bikinis to the 16 yr old boy. The 9 yr old balled up her fists, and started screaming about him not taking her there. I had kind of lied and said that he might be out of town on a business trip, so when she saw that postcard she knew that he was having a beautiful vacation without her. The older kids were equally pissed off, because daddy never took us anywhere like that. Like I said earlier, he underwent a personality change. The 21 yr old started calling him "the artist formerly known as daddy".
My oldest and her husband agreed to drive the 2 youngest kids to their father's house on the 27th. The kids will stay there until the day before school starts, or he gets tired of them. They spent the night, then continued on to see the 21 yr old, her bf, and their baby. I got an earful when the oldest and my son in law came over the next evening. Understand that we lived like refugees. I could never understand how a mfg engineer working for Northrop Grumman made such little money that we couldn't afford curtains or decent carpet. Nevermind the leaky water heater and dangerous electric wiring. My girl told me that he basically rubbed her nose in it. His 269,000 brand new home, his paintings, all he did was talk about all his bling bling and how much everything costs! My girl started crying at that point because he didn't even ask them about how they were doing, and why does he hate us so much?
At that point, my son in law told me to take his ass back to court and to the cleaners. He was furious when my girl/his wife started crying. I'd rather not go back to court, at this time.
Well, I guess he can still make the older girls cry. I won't go into how cruel he's been to the 21 yr old. I've asked them to just quietly cut off contact, because it's hurting them.
Even though it's too late for the older kids(unless they seek it themselves), I'm wondering if therapy will help my youngest one. If anyone has any suggestions on how to handle their father, I'd appreciate it. One more thing...his lawyer told the judge, when asked who would take care of the QDRO, that they would take care of it. I asked my tax advisor, who does both our taxes and decides who claims the kids every year, if I should do something about that. He emailed me back and told me to do it yesterday. He's plundering his retirement account, I guess. One more lie he'll probably get away with.
Unfortunately I had several emotionally upsetting incidents last year, and my heart is kind of going bonkers. I went to the doctor a couple of days ago, and my pulse was back up to 110. The Prozac had brought it down to 89, so they doubled my dosage. I just don't need this crap.
Quick backround: My ex and I were married for 19 years, and have 4 kids who are 24, 21, 16, and 9. It was hell on earth for all of us, except the youngest one. It took me 7 years to get away from him. Their father devalued the 2 oldest, while spoiling the 2 youngest. Well I finally called the cops on him, and he moved out. He fit the clinical definition of a sociopath years ago, and now exhibits Narcissistic Personality Disorder behaviors.
I won't address his constant cheating while we were married, however after we separated he had a different woman every time the kids saw their father. The now 16 year old boy (unfortunately I believe he has the same problems as his father) exploded one day in a rage, and called his father a slut. This was in front of two of his sisters and brother in law. The boy proceeded to wreck some furniture. Yes, I've tried psychiatrists and psychologists after the separation, but it's too late.
After dating countless numbers of women, he found one and moved in with her, her parents, and her kids. She, unfortunately is an enabler. He fed her some of the most absurd lies, which caused her to call Social Services on me. Unfortunately for my ex, the boy spilled the beans on him, citing his personality change(talks different, dresses different, got rid of all his possesions, gave the bongs to the 21 yr old, got rid of a 35 yr old record collection, etc) upon announcing his decision to move in with his now wife. The kids had only met her once before, before he made this decision. Basically the kids blew the whistle on him. The social worker barged into my house, which I now know is illegal, and basically told me I needed some moral support. I called the worker several times about the conditions in their father's new residence, until finally a man called me back and told me to seek legal help regarding my ex, and that they were closing the investigation. This took place 2 years after our divorce. I'm trying to do this chronologically, but it's hard.
We went through mediation, and my attorney tried to set up a fair visitation schedule for him. I found this attorney through the local domestic violence shelter, and she understood that I was scared to death of him. I was so disgusted with him at that meeting, that I went outside and had a cigarette. You see, he's too busy and important to stick to a regular visitation schedule. My attorney gave him 2 weeks in the summer anyway. Later she told me that in all her years of practice, she's never seen a father behave like that.
Those 2 weeks every summer? It's been 3 years since our divorce was final, and guess how many weeks he's taken? ONE! Look, I think he's emotionally damaging the kids, and would prefer that he fall off the face of the earth, but the 9 yr old, until recently, thought the sun rose and set on daddy. So we all tried to keep our mouths shut about his outrageous behavior.
The latest thing to hit the fan has all the kids angry at him. Here's what he wrote to me November 2nd:
"I will be out of town Dec 19-26, so can I please have the kids for xmas after the 26th for a week. I cannot change my plans and would appreciate the switch in days. Pleas let me know so I can plan accordingly. Please write and let me know. Thanx ****"
That was his scheduled time for Christmas visitation this year. Why didn't HE PLAN ACCORDINGLY?
You'll all just love this: He sent postcards to the kids. Bass Lake is absolutely beautiful. He sent a scenic pic to the 9 yr old girl, and a pic of 3 lovely ladies in teeny bikinis to the 16 yr old boy. The 9 yr old balled up her fists, and started screaming about him not taking her there. I had kind of lied and said that he might be out of town on a business trip, so when she saw that postcard she knew that he was having a beautiful vacation without her. The older kids were equally pissed off, because daddy never took us anywhere like that. Like I said earlier, he underwent a personality change. The 21 yr old started calling him "the artist formerly known as daddy".
My oldest and her husband agreed to drive the 2 youngest kids to their father's house on the 27th. The kids will stay there until the day before school starts, or he gets tired of them. They spent the night, then continued on to see the 21 yr old, her bf, and their baby. I got an earful when the oldest and my son in law came over the next evening. Understand that we lived like refugees. I could never understand how a mfg engineer working for Northrop Grumman made such little money that we couldn't afford curtains or decent carpet. Nevermind the leaky water heater and dangerous electric wiring. My girl told me that he basically rubbed her nose in it. His 269,000 brand new home, his paintings, all he did was talk about all his bling bling and how much everything costs! My girl started crying at that point because he didn't even ask them about how they were doing, and why does he hate us so much?
At that point, my son in law told me to take his ass back to court and to the cleaners. He was furious when my girl/his wife started crying. I'd rather not go back to court, at this time.
Well, I guess he can still make the older girls cry. I won't go into how cruel he's been to the 21 yr old. I've asked them to just quietly cut off contact, because it's hurting them.
Even though it's too late for the older kids(unless they seek it themselves), I'm wondering if therapy will help my youngest one. If anyone has any suggestions on how to handle their father, I'd appreciate it. One more thing...his lawyer told the judge, when asked who would take care of the QDRO, that they would take care of it. I asked my tax advisor, who does both our taxes and decides who claims the kids every year, if I should do something about that. He emailed me back and told me to do it yesterday. He's plundering his retirement account, I guess. One more lie he'll probably get away with.
Unfortunately I had several emotionally upsetting incidents last year, and my heart is kind of going bonkers. I went to the doctor a couple of days ago, and my pulse was back up to 110. The Prozac had brought it down to 89, so they doubled my dosage. I just don't need this crap.