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Good Morning,

So -- to try and raise money to help fight this fight as good as I can, and to make sure I look as good as possible in court next week, I need to raise a ton of cash.  While I've got a whole house full of stuff, and we own our house free and clear, I couldn't sell anything or get a loan without her permission.  I've decided to post my story and try to sell my services and a buch of source code I've written over the years.

I realize that not too many readers here may be interested in either of these, but I hope I can convince you to take a look at the site, and maybe leave some supportive comments to help convince others who may be tempted to help.

http://www.5sanfords.com

If you know any other way of spreading the word about this site, I'd be soooo grateful!

Thanks so much for everything!

Yes, she is living with her mother, but based on what I know now, being close to this new guy in her life is clearly a big part of her decision.

I'm taking this new info back to the lawyer Monday, but I don't think we could prove this by the 20th.

I want full custody if she insists on living in Georga, but would seriously consider 50/50 if she comes back here to live in the same county.

She had a call with an attorney (from TN) today, but I don't if she's hired him or even has the money to.

I'm finally back online!!!

This has been the most insane week or two in my entire life.  I can't imagine anything more difficult for a person to go through...

Sorry if this sounds a bit scattered, but there is a lot I want to relay...

She had been insisting that she wanted a divorce becuase she wanted a better life for her and our kids.  I tried so hard to understand this, but it didn't make sense to me.  We made literally every single decsion in our lives together, and have never really fought about money.  I make decent money, but sometimes it is sporadic, and when things get tight, it is stressful, but we just stressed out together and never really fought about it.  Of course there have been so many times that things were more than great finacially, in my mind it has always balanced out.

Her clinical way of discussing it, and refusing to show even the slightest desire to talk to anyone, or do anything to try to work through this has been perplexing, frustrating and painful to say the least.

I met with four different attorney's here before I found the one guy I believe is truly capable of dealing with this for me.

Monday, she called and disconnected the phone and internet, my cellphone, and reported my debit cards lost/stolen.  I immediately called and re-ordered new service, but they can't get it on till the 16th.  These three things she did, caused me such intense grief, I can't even begin to explain.  My entire professional existance is channeled to the rest of the world through the internet, and losing it like that, at a time when I desparately need to come up with as much cash as I can was intensely painful.

Today, while copying some of the kids photos off of her computer, I realized she may have discussed this with hre friends on MSN.  Hoping to gain some more insight into what went wrong, I started reading the chat transcripts.  Lo an behold, I discovered she had met a guy in Second Life and had chatted with him breifly on MSN.  It was a short exchange, but it revealed the depth of their relationship and discussed how she could not chat with him on MSN, because she was afraid I'd find out.

Rewind a bit.  I knew she met the guy on SecondLife, but it's a social thing, and I'm not really that possesive.  When I started waking up at night and finding her on Second Life at 1 or 2 in the morning, I got a bit concerned, and asked her to quit.  She agreed.  I found her chatting with him one other time after that about a week or two before she left, and we did sort of but heads on it that time.  She said he approached her and she was just being polite, or something to that effect.

So, it turns out she has been having late night online rendevous with this guy.  I'm am almost positive that she told me that he lives about 20 minutes from her mother's house, so now it all starts becoming clear...

Ok.  My lawyer filed for divorce yesterday, citing improper marital conduct and irreconcilable differences.  He set up a pendente lite hearing for the 20th.  She should be served sometime early next week.  My attorney says I have an excellent chance of getting at least 50/50, but I have huge concerns about that.

She and I had previously agreed that she would brings the kids this weekend to give me a chance to talk to them and just spend some time while she picked up some of her crap.  Today, now that she found out I am seeking full custody, she freaked out and is refusing to bring them this weekend.  She changed her cell phone number and won't give me the new number either.

I confronted her very gently about the relationship with this guy and she did not deny it, but wouldn't talk to me about it.

So -- my position on the kids and custody is this.  If she would agree to come back to this county to live, I'd agree to 50/50 custody.  If she insists on living in GA, then I don't want to subject the kids to that.  It would be a 12 hour round-trip to go back and forth.  It would prevent them from joing dance, or karate, or swimming, and it obviously wouldn't work come the start of school.  I want them in a stable environment, and if she insists on living in GA, then full custody with me is the only thing that makes sense.  Frankly, I can't understand how a judge could disagree with that, but I know very little about this...

Now that I'm back online, I will post more as this unfolds.  Cross your fingers that my kids end up the winners in this thing!

Thanks for all the advice guys!

Thanks notnew!

Things are happening really fast right now.  I met with an attorney this morning, but there won't be a judge around for us to apear before until tommorow morning, which is upsetting, but I guess I have no recourse but to wait.

As of this moment, she is scrambling to lock me out of a shared paypal account we have been using that has the money I need to pay the retainer to my attorney.  She reported my card lost which of course is a big lie, and she even called the phone company to have them disconnect my phone and internet service.  I'm there's more too that I just have not learned about yet.  I'm literally reeling from the shock that she could stoop to these levels.  Even this morning, after all of this, I would not have thought she would do these things...

Oh, and FWIW, the PayPal account was empty when she left.  The funds in their today were from a client who has faithfully paid via that account for some time now.  I just didn't want anyone to think that it was her money that was in there...

I'll post more later tonight.

Thanks for the support and advice guys!

Hello,

My wife and I have been happily married for almost 10 years.  Or so I thought.  Everything was fine last Sunday when she left to take the kids to her mother's house near Atlanta.  We spoke Sunday night, Monday and Tuesday, and everything was fine.  On Wedensday, she called and said she wanted a divorce.  It took a couple of days for that to sink in, but by Friday, I was in a panic about my 3 kids that are with her.  On Friday, she told me she was not bringing them home.  Ever.  I pleaded with her to be reasonable, but it's had no effect.  It's sunday afternoon and they should have been home by now.  I spoke to her and she talked to a family friend who is an attorney and that he said she is fine and not to worry about keeping them.

I am an independent software developer.  I've been fortunate enough to be able to work from for the last 5+ years so that I could play a huge part in the lives of my kids.  This is their home.  I want them back home with me.  I don't think they should be made victims of this.  They need stability and familiarity.

I know this is a crime in Missouri, but I live in Tennessee.  Any advice or ideas on what to do would be appreicated!