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As previously posted I won sole legal and physical custody 2 weeks ago. X now has once a month visitation ( lives in another state by choice), she came to divorce court 5 months pregnant, brought boyfriend.
On her 1st weekend , she when I was putting kids in car, she tried to put 5 trashbags ( said they had the kids toys and clothes, but who knows what was in them ?) in my car. She said that since she only see's them once a month that she didn't need them anymore.All thius in front of the children of course.
I took bags out of the car and told X that I would not accept anything from her, especially in this way, and took my kids and left.

My question is, has anyone else had something like this occur?
I think it is absolutely insane behavior, clearly X is trying to erase our children to make way for her "replacement " family....very unstable behavior.
Opinions, comments ?????

>I sent you a PM a few months ago asking what part of VA
>you're in, and who your lawyer is.  I'm in VA as well -
>Hampton Roads.  I filed for a custody change last year and it
>was denied (they said I didn't meet the change in circumstance
>rule).  I was not happy with my lawyer.  He didn't stick to
>the game plan we agreed to once we got into court.  He did not
>request a psychological test of my ex, as we had agree prior
>to getting into court.   My ex was previoulsy diagnosed with a
>personality disorder, but I don't have proof because the
>diagnosis was 10 years ago and she's refused to go to
>counseling since then.
>
>I was able to get some help with all of the problems I was
>having with visitation interference, and I was able to stop
>some of the other PA behavior that was going on.  But - I know
>this isn't the end of it.  We started having problems again
>recently, and they have been escalating.  I've been out of
>town (I'm military) and my wife is supposed to be getting
>visitation with the kids, but my ex has been violating, so I
>can see that we'll be going back to court when I get back.  I
>don't want to use the same attorney.
>
>If you want to send me a PM I would really appreciate the
>help.
>
>Congrats to you and the kids.  It's encouraging to hear about
>a Dad that won in VA.
I dont know how to use PM feature here, maybe you can explain  hiow and I will be glad to assist you?

>Congrats doesnt' seem to say enough!!  Congrats is when our
>graduate high school and college but when you win custody of
>inocent children who deserve to have a fighting chance in life
>congrats just doesn't say enough so awesome is my word and the
>utmost BEST WISHES for you and your family!!  My hubby NCP of
>2- CP of 1 and myself as CP of 1 understand the feat that you
>just accomplished!  I hope to be able to say soon that we won
>too, were fighting for his NCP 2 from a mother who absoulutely
>does PAS and have a forensic pyschologist ready to testify to
>prove that!!  YEA!!  so enjoy and you have given me new hope
>to keep fighting!!!
>
>DevotedStepmom

 I am glad to share what got me to this point, so here goes:

Friends who told me the truth, NOT what I wanted to hear.

Family who allowed me to talk about it, even though I was a broken record.

Absolutely giving up ego & pride and actually begging for help if it was what I needed to do, to get things for the children.

Realizing that if you really take "best interest of the children" to heart and live accordingly, that you just cannot go wrong.

Going broke to leave no stone unturned to save my children, but accepting it.

NEVER letting the lawyers run the case ( but also taking their advice after thinking it through), or allowing any communication with the other side that I did not get to see.

Doing as much document collection and investigation possible to save money , and because no one knows better than you, what is really important ( to the lawyers it is just another piece of paper, they don't know what it is until you tell them). Get everything to the lawyers, then sit down and review it to be sure they understand it.

Make sure you and your lawyer agree on a "strategy and presentation"  that will allow the Judge to gain the insight you need him to have, make sure you and your lawyer have a connection beyond that your a paycheck to them or get a different lawyer.That personal bond may well be the difference in whether they go that extra inch or not when it counts.

There is so much more, but here is the last 2:
PRAYER helps!

DO NOT EVER,EVER, EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR CHILDREN.............PERIOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>Wow oh wow oh wow! Fantastic for you and your
>daughter!!!!!!!
Son 4, Daughter 7............................Would you believe the X is now balking at visitation  saying " you won them, so now you enjoy them"
" I am relinquishing my title as mother to you, I am removing myself from the equation". "You'll be dead one day and I will have a relationship with them then".
So now, she apparently feels she will try and get to me, by denying herself to the children.

To those that have followed my plight for the last year and a half, I want to let you know that the 3rd and final day of Final divorce, custody was today.

 Judge ruled that I have sole physical and sole  legal custody, X get's once a month visitation and 5 weeks in summer divided into 2 segments.
This was in Va, so no easy feat.
I am trying to get X to just stop all the conflict now and try and start with as clean a slate as possible. It did not help her that she showed up for trial 5 months pregnant ( not by me ) of course.

Last trial day  is next friday. There is zero chance of stbx giving up custody  fight and trying to work out a reasonable visitation, as she is intent on not having to pay child support, plus she is pregnant ( not by me !). I thought it was highly unusual for a judge , who admitted he had not yet heard all the evidence ( meaning me or my other witnesses other than the CPS  investigator and school teacher)to provide any insight into how he may be thinking......

Final divorce trial now going into 2nd day. I have pendente sole custody ( have had for more than a year), stbx shows to court  5 months pregnant.
She amends her complaint orally from cruelty to no fault, seperated for 1 year ( my take is she knew there was never any cruelty and she knew she could not prove).
STBX presents her case first, all her witnesses are family members. I got permission to call 2 of my witnesses out of order as they are government employee's. My childs school teacher and the CPS investigator. Both testified glowingly for me, teacher said I am always at school lunches, conferences etc, that stbx has never been nor ever had contact with teacher. CPS testified charges were not only unfounded, but it was expert opinion that child had been "coached" by an adult.
STBX family admitted that they refuse to communicate with me because they don't like me, that even when children got hurt while visiting them, they did not tell me because tehy feel since I have custody, I should be able to figure it out. The grand parents ( stbx family) have had to be warned in the visitatuion order that they are not to get out of there car or approach my vehicle, that only STBX or 1 aunt is allowed to exchange children. STBX moved to another state, so kids have to travel 600 miles EOW right now.
I have not yet testified or put on any witnesses other than teacher and CPS.
Here is what I want opinion on:
The Judge at the end of day, said that while he has not heard all the evidence yet, this was a disturbing case. That he has been judge for 30 years and has seen irt all and heard it all. He said that he has seen a lot of emotion, problems with pick up and drop off of kids, etc.That the parents need to put all others out of it for the sake of the children and learn to communicate. He then said again, while I have not heard all of the evidence, I can tell you that 1 of the parties here is going to be very disaapointed if you can't settle this between  yourselves, maybe both will be unhappy, but I guaranty 1 will.

MY take was ( since I have not yet said 1 word,or testified yet) is that he was sending stbx a message. Am I right??????Or could it be me???

Trial resumes friday, my turn to testify.

My situation is slightly different, but has a lot of the same emotions. My stbx cancelled several EOW visits completely and then last few times has not come to the meeting point ( inter state visit), instead she has sent one of her family members. The children have refused to go with them, stating that they don't want to take that long ride unless their Mom is there to get them, that their not comfortable with the family members without their mom there. This has happened twice now and each time I have given family members over 15 minutes to try and talk kids into going.The children spoke to stbx on phone and told her same thing, that they will go if she is there to get them.They have a 5 1/2 hr ride and first night of visit id entirely in the car ride, so if stbx doesnt show, they don't even see her till next day.Order says that "the parties" shall meet at X time at X place. I am always there,stbx is not. I feel that I am complying with the order and that children should not be forced to go if the mother is not there, as that would be very traumatic to them ( both 7 and under)

You might suggest via registered mail, return receipt ( or through you rlawyer if you have one) that any further questions be submitted in writing and that no further discussion take place in earshot of the child as it is damaging to the child. That if it continues you will file a motion to amend visitation and ask for a judge to institute rules on how this will be addressed outside of the childs prescence.

>>NCP has no custody, only visitation.Temp order does not
>>contain language about taking children out of state, only
>>days,times and place to pick up and drop off. NCP is taking
>>child out of state and say where. As sole custodian, does
>NCP
>>not need my permission or at least to keep me informed as to
>>address, length of stay etc?
>
>
>Well, technically, you could probably stop it.  But if ncp
>goes to court, ncp will probably be allowed to.
>
>The way my ex and I have it worked out is that he needs to let
>me know where he is taking them with contact info.  I am to
>provide the same to him.  
>
>
One of the issues with my S2BX is that I do everything according to the letter of the law and then try to be flexible beyond  that as long as it makes sense.
I think that the lack of cooperation IS about control, on her part,trying to punish me because the court saw fit to grant me sole physical and legal custody after she was the one requesting it. After a  year S2BX still has no place of her own.I think deep down she knows it was the right decision and children are in best place....just think she is bitter cause was counting on not working,getting  alimony, custody and child support and instead got none and has to pay support