Here lately my Husband and I have been having on going issues with my stepsons Mother. Back when school was in session they called DFS on her for issues over smoking weed and him being scared of her husband that were brought to their attention by my stepson. Once DFS had made contact with her she decided that he stay with his Father until he decided he liked his stepfather and also because she was worried about her other children being taken from her. At that time we had him for a month and when the month came up for her to get child support she was ready for him to come back home.
Over a month ago my stepson was playing outside during her week and wanted to get a bite to eat, however the Mother had the door locked because they were smoking. He used his cell and called us, we made him come home to us. I called the local non emegency here in KC and the police came out. We made it clear it was her week but he wasn't going back to her house. The police went and spoke with her and on Moday I called DFS again on her. Without any physical proof they will not do anything to help out. A month has gone by and his mother has only seen him twice. My husband asked about an agreement to change the custody from 50/50 but she is convinced she is doing nothing wrong and that he is telling lies. We know for a fact that he is not telling lies but we are stuck in a hard place at this time. I have printed out a Change Of Custody Plan and certified it with the USPS and return receipt so we are aware she got the item. I hope this will be good enough to suit her needs, however we think that she will not agree. We have contacted lawyers but it costs way to much money. A Child Protection Order is out of the option due to them already having a custody agreement, he has to take her to court where the original papers were filed. And we can't get legal aid.
Any ideas?
A child protection order is not out of the question -- whoever told you that was wrong.
Quote from: MixedBag on Jul 21, 2009, 08:12:07 AM
A child protection order is not out of the question -- whoever told you that was wrong.
We already went to the court house and filed the CPO and it was the judge who ruled against it because there was already a custody agreement between him and the Mother. The judge said he would have to file where the custody papers are at. Right now we are stuck, I know that today she got the document we sent to her but my husband is sure she will not agree to anything.
Sounds like you went to the wrong family court to have the RO put into effect. You must go where the child lives or where the last set of family court papers came from. File the RO (with proof so judge can see, police reports, cps paperwork, and current concerns) AND file for temporary emergency custody. This usually will go before a judge that day. You can tell them that you already filed at XXX but was told you had to file there. If that doesn't work, then file for custody modification. That will take a little longer to get into court and may take months to resolve.
Okay the CPO was done in the same court system as to where the custody papers were filed in 2002. Everytime my husband has gone to get a PO for my stepson they turn him down, however when she would file one without any proof she would get it then drop it.
If she doesn't want to work it out with the papers we sent to her and we do go to the court and ask about custody modification will he need to resort to getting a lawyer? We are trying to work it out by sending her the papers so nobody has to worry about lawyers. And do you just go to the clerk and ak for the modification?
Having a lawyer is your best bet to winning a modification unless you can figure out how to file your own motions, what you need to do, etc... It depends where you live...smaller towns the clerk may help you with what you need to do, my experience and where I have been is if you don't know how and what to file, you are out of luck. They won't assist. Wholly dependent on where you are.
You sending her papers means absolutely nothing. Only a court can order a modification so you need to petition the court for the modification. If she is willing, which it does not sound like she would be, then you need to take your amended agreement from both parties and have it filed with the courts.
If you aren't sure, your best bet is to at least consult a local attorney.
Where we live, we go to family court and file a petition. They type it up and then give you a date. Here, it is usually about a 3 weeks to get a date. Call your local family court and ask where to go and if they type it up or do they have the papers to fill out.
Custody change is a major thing in the courts. You will have to prove neglect and depending on the child's age, they may get a chance to speak or to have a law guardian assigned to them. This person will interview the child and see what the child wants and fight for what is in their best interests and not from one parent or the other. You can request a GAL to be assigned if you think that will help your case.
Where is the child now? Are you still keeping him? Has she seen him? If she is not calling the police on you to return him or not going to court herself...maybe you should just keep him for as long as you can. Once the court sees you have child for an extended amount of time, they dont like to change it, Later you can go for a change when it has been a while?
We have had him now for over a month and she has only seen him twice. She hardly calls his cell phone. And this is the week that she is to have him, she came by the house to give us her opinions on what she wants changed today and didn't even ask about her son. It's as though she doesn't really care. The one thing she wrote a major paragraph on is that if one parent is going to call the police of DFS that we need to contact the other parent first because she says it is harrasment even though she doesn't think locking her child out of the house isn't a kind of abuse. We have had the police out once over her wanting to see him and by the custody papers we have now being so old they gave him the choice of if he wanted to stay or go with her to the water park. she doesn't want to pay anything on him and wants for us to cover pretty much everything.
My husband is wanting to get the lawyer but it might be some time before we get somebody because we don't have that kind of money right now to have up front. And we plan on keeping him for as long as we can without her taking him. It's pretty much go with the flow at this point and it's driving me crazy cause being a step-mom there isn't anything I can do but stand or sit back and watch.
Well that is good that she is talking to you...she is probably liking the "freedom". Can you live with the changes she wants? The thing about dss statement, go ahead and put it in there- "parents will try and call the other parent when a major event is happening and then call appropriate authorities if it can not be resolved".
If she is leaving them with you, then let it be and try to get an agreement you both can live with. Do you have a child support order in effect? Whatever it is will continue unless you modify. She can come back a year from now and get any money ordered in the court order even if child lives with you full-time AND even if she notarized a letter. The court order needs to be changed.
Once you come to an agreement, then you can file the same way. You may have to appear if you dont have lawyers but that is okay. The judge will just make sure that this is what you both agree too if she tries to pull something then you can always ask the judge to continue the hearing at a later date to get a lawyer. No reason to pay a lawyer if you agree.
The only other issue is that according to the court order she can take him and keep him until it is changed. The longer you wait to you, the better to keep everything the same in the courts eyes but also she still has half custody now so when school starts she can change her mind and pick him up from school and keep him for at least his week or longer. Hopefully over the next few weeks you can iron it out and she will be in agreement.
We have made a counter and included some of what she is asking for except for the fact of her wanting to keep joint physical. My husband is also asking that she and other adults in the household take a drug test so we are aware there is no influence what so ever around my stepson being that these are reasons DFS have been called on. I did leave in the part of contacting the other parent and explained as to why the enforcements where contacted (best interest of the child), however that we are unable to speak for other organizations who have turned her in. My husband, many times, has spoke with her about the issues DFS was called however this last time was a bit extreme so we called on her. This was the first and only time we have called on her.
I am full aware of what can happen once school starts, however being the school knows her history if we speak with the school I'm sure we might be able to work out something with them. They were the ones who have hotlined her in the past. And at that time we went through this same issue of her not having or wanting him at her place.
I am doing my best at writing these plans out to suit both her and my husband to the best I can at the best interest of our child. It is hard being the one stuck in the middle of everything. And at this point my stepson really doesn't care cause he doesn't want to go back to her house, but in the long run I think it might hurt him as he gets older.
The drug test line probably wont fly for others in the house. If you went to trial and proved she is using drugs, SHE may be requested to drug testing until she is clean and every so often after that.
What type of visitation is she asking for? (since she is not taking him at all now??) She probably wants to keep joint physical so you wont come after her for child support after she signs...
She is asking for joint but wants him Tues to Sun every other week even during school. And she still wants some kind of child support. My husband offered her during school every other weekend and during the summer every other week to have him Wed to Sun with a two week vacation time to have him as well. Which in my opinion seems much more reasonable than normal full custody cases. She doesn't get that my husband would rather have it every other weekend all the time, but I didn't write out the paper that way and at this time he is willing to give her the extra time. He also has agreed even with full custody that he is not seeking any child support from her at this time. He just wants to have her help pay any medical that is not 100% covered by our insurrance.
Which also leads to my next question about insurrance. In the court agreement they have now it is stated that my Husband carry medical insurrance on their son and whatever isn't covered they split 50/50. Which he does and always has, however she is using medicaid on him and is aware that I take him to his doctors apointments for regular check ups etc. I have been reading around on the internet that it can be considered medicaid fraud and that the state can come back on you for it to pay them. Does anyone know if this is true? She refuses to use the medical coverage we have on him because she doesn't want to pay anything out of her pocket.
Yes the state can and will come after her if she getting medicaid for the child. It is fraud.
I already called the 3rd party line for medicaid and reported our coverage which she has never done. They'll have the medicaid as secondary. I would have never known any of this if I hadn't come by it on the internet.
I just wrote out the third proposed plan to the Mother of my SS. I tried my best to avoid for both my Husband and her to have to resort to him taking her to court for full custody, however with the last plan we sent to her we must have touch a sensitive nerve of hers. After the first plan she requested a Tues to Sun every other week to keep it at joint physical custody. She offered a lower child support payment of $100 rather than $125 to be negotiable paid out to her. And wanted a few times changed, not to have to pay any medical as she has medicaid, etc.
On the second plan we sent her, we left my husband to have full physical given the history of usage within the household. I added into it that the Father would allow for her to get the child for days the school had off (workshops, MLK bday, etc.). I left it that the Father is requesting no child support at this time. Of course I added the drug testing which I think is the main thing that set her off.
She got the plan today certified and returned "her changes" to my husband. And the following is typed out word for word from her paper and a few of these we think are done out of spite. I was looking for a few opinions.
- Joint physical/custodial, period
- 40%/60% type time spent year round, thats final. (Aprox) every-other week, Tues to Sun.
- (09) My year to have ________ wake here for Christmas. I still have our last agreement on this matter. Again, mom's Christman 09. Dad's in 2010.
- Christmas Eve til 7 pm.
- Still keep 2 wk extended vacation, on top of reg. schedual.
- One emergancy contact outside home, as _______ & I each have communication.
- As I am unable to be employed at this time, and will have 40% or more, of ______ time. I will accept %75.00 every other week, for support of _______.
- Father to pay all out-of-pocket medical care, if he insists to take ______ to medical treatment facilily that does not accept his state medical plan. Medicade is my half, and I have no out-of-pocket capability.
- 2009 is my schedualed year to file state tax return and claim ________, per original order. (2010 tax season for 2009 year.) This will stay the same as previously agreed.
- Any drug testing will not be paid by myself, with 7 days written notice of event; by court order. I also want drug testing administered to ________, _______, and _______, with all expenses, including my testing, paid in full by _________
- I will pick _________ up on Sunday, August 2nd, 2009, to resume regular schedule that is currently in place, at 6:00 pm to return Sunday Aug. 9th at 6:00 pm. A child support payment is due August 1st 2009
- I am also requesting original child support amount of over 300.00 a month to be back paid to this current date. As you recall, out of kindness, I settled at the decreased amount of 125.00 monthly. However, ______ has been under represented by this amount and should be re-compensated.
- It should also be noted that the original order states that is ______ or ______ are to be away from Marqus in excess of 24hrs, the opposite parent recieves first right to his care for that time. _________ has failed to turn ________ care over to me, ten's of times, nearly once a month for several years. He is in contempt. Due to his fathers contenual absence in home life, we may need to make a revised order that is 60%-40% with _________ as full custodian. This clasue will be added to amended order.
- I am thinking of adding a hypenated "Smith" to ______ name for a full name of ______ _______ ________-Smith.
I have wrote up the third plan which is what my husband will be fighting for once they make it into court. The reason she is not working is to be at home with her 4 other Bio kids and 2 step kids and not have to pay out child care. She has said this herself. We also agreed to drug testing on us, however all need to be RANDOM and they pay for theirs. And the whole child support well that is just a joke, after the first plan she said 100 or they could work out something else per month. She was paid 200-300 dollars by way of a Protection Order while we were in the process of going to court, but my husband only saw the child every other weekend. That lasted a short time and she offered out the 125 a month to my husband. The child has been well taken care of and if she asks for help on things such as sports or friends bdays my husband and I help out. Not to mention what is paid the time we have him. Lastly the 24 hour deal is for if he needs to get Child Care for the child for a period more than 24 hours. The child has never had to leave home and is either in my husbands care, my care, or both. My husband travels for work and at times has to go out of state, some of these times he is gone a couple days or comes back really late and leaves again in the morning. It all is based on how far he has to drive.
As you can see this is a big jumbo of a mess and the child is right in the middle and she tries to make him feel sorry for her.