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Yes, good point.  

Thanks.

We've already had issues where oldest wanted to come for mid week visits, but didn't want to spend the night.  She told mom it was because we have different rules.  BM and daughter met with school counselor to discuss (BM didn't give DH enough notice to attend).  Counselor told her that every house has different rules and it's not a reason not to visit.  This is the same counselor that told BM to have girls spend overnights mid-week is good for them and can't be an emotional decision.  Meaning, you can't take it away if you get pissed about something.  BM was actually going to tell daughter she didn't have to spend the night.  The rule she didn't like?  She sits at the table until she eats her veggies.  Of course, BM makes each child their own veggie, so they don't have to eat what they don't like.  May work for some, but not us.  We all eat the same thing.  Sometimes it's what the grown ups like and sometimes it's fish sticks.  :)  

DH and I agree, we're not bending rules to entice kids to want to come.  If BM wants to put the idea in their heads that they have a choice, she's only hurting the child.  I really think kids should be raised that seeing both parents is the way it is - like you did Mixed.  We know that as they get older things will come up and we'll work with them.  But not seeing dad shouldn't even be an option in a child's mind.

I could not agree with you more.  DH told the ex he was not going to agree to it.  I think her wanting it shows her lack of respect for the girls relationship with their dad.  She has a history of it.  

The kids love to come to our house now.  They don't however love our rules.  We make them eat their vegetables (seriously, that is their one complaint about our house).  They're 9 and 6.  The ex doesn't make them eat what they don't like.  I could see a pattern in her parenting developed to ensure they don't want to come to our house when their 15.  DH is not taking any chances.

Not really adding much, just venting.

   

DH and his ex are working out an agreement to modify the current order.  DH wants to add midweek overnights (since we've been doing it for several months) and ex wants to end weekend visits 1.5 hours earlier.  DH was OK with that since youngest daughter was recently diagnosed with ADHD and getting back to mom's earlier will help her adjust and get to bed easier.  

This AM ex said she was OK with things as they were stated.  In her usual fashion she has to have the last word.  She texted DH and said she wants to add a statement that when the kids turn 15 they can deicide if they go see their dad.  DH is not agreeing to this.  

I was wondering if a judge would even allow this type of language in an order?  It just seems to have disaster written all over it.  Not just for DH but for kids and mom.  Does anyone have this type of statement in their order or have an opinion?

We we so focused on getting the first CO, we never considered how things might change if BM moved closer to us.  If my memory is correct she moved less than a week before signing the order.  Previously they had no established parenting time.  It was written as DH having 'libral' visitation.  It took BM a year to agree to a standard plan.  And she was uncooperative the entire time.    

We're going to ask her to agree with adding the midweek overnights to the order if we give in on an earlier exchange on Sundays.  We lose an time but gain more mid-week.  We also get stability and assurance BM can't stop it.  

DH and his ex signed a new parenting time schedule last Spring (2006).  It had been in the 'works' for a year.  The CO was changed with attorney's help and signed by judge, we never went to court.  Just before they signed BM and kids moved much closer to us (they had lived an hour away).  Hindsight is 20/20, and now that they live closer we think some changes are needed.  

The CO states the girls are with DH from 5pm-7pm on Wed nights.  On and off in September and October, and regularly in November and December the girls have spent the night on Wednesdays with us.  This way we have time to have dinner and do homework and the girls aren't driving back and fourth most of the night.  BM likes to use this extra time as a carrot in front of DH (since it's not CO). If she gets mad about something she'll say "forget overnights on Wednesdays!"  Every time she back pedals and allows it.  It's highly annoying to say the least.  

The latest was this week.  She wants to end weekend visits earlier and said if DH does not agree then he can't have kids overnights on Wednesdays.  We're tired of her crap.  I've rearranged my work schedule to accommodate getting the girls to school on Thursday AM's.  I'm OK with doing it but I'm not going back and forth.  She hasn't taken the Wednesday overnights away, but continually threatens to.

To the questions.  I know most suggest a six month pattern before going to court to request changes, but can it be done with less?  We have about four months, two which are solid and two were on and off (mostly on).  We've been using the time tracker from SPARC.  

Also, if BM wants to change the exchange time on Sundays will she be able to request that in the same hearing or will she have to file her issues separately?  

We have some other changes we'd like to request too.  We'd like a smoking restriction in the homes (youngest has respiratory issues and BM smokes in their home) and no opposite sex overnight visitors.  BM has had two live in boyfriends in the last six months (and is in the process of her 2nd divorce).  

I'm assuming it's best to submit all this at once?  DH would like to do this without attorney this time.

Hello.  If your son shares legal custody of your granddaughter he should be able to take her to church.  If he does not, then the courts would probably side with the parent with legal custody.  This is my understanding of legal custody in general, not specific to any state.

What does your court order say exactly?  Since you have her for the weekend you have the upper hand.  Maybe try and make this an example of how you both should handle the same situations in the future.  If mom agrees to 9am to 3pm for b-day you carry that to other similar days (Fathers and Mothers day).  And have it added to your CO.

We had a similar issue.  BM wanted 8am to 8pm if b-day fell on DH time.  Yeah, that's fair.    

DH found a more effective solution than writing the letter - annoying BM.  

He gets off work at 2pm on Fridays.  The girls go to b-sitter after school.  DH has been getting them early on Fridays, soon after they get off the bus at the b-sitters.  BM is so mad at DH for picking the girls up early (God forbid they spend an extra hour with him!) that she's arranged to take time off on Friday afternoons so she can meet DH at meeting point at 5pm.  She'd rather have them at a babysitter's house than with their father.  DH still picks girls up at b-sitter for mid week, but they are now spending the night so DH feels he's making up the time.  

So, again she's shown she CAN do it, but was/is being a pain in the a$$.    

DH's time is from 5-7pm on school nights and BM works until 6pm. BM lives 35 minutes from the meeting place.  So to move back the time gets the girls home too late in all our opinions.  

I appreciate the responses, harsh or otherwise.  I somewhat agree this is not worth fighting over.  But we would like to establish BM's unwillingness to try to follow the CO and were looking for the best way to do it.  DH and I are both new to this whole thing, as BM only became difficult when I came into the picture.  Not a new senario.  

There has been an update, BM called DH tonight and suggested we keep the girls overnight on Wenesdays.  Both girls have been asking for more time here.  So DH will more than make up his missed time by having to drive further to get the girls.  I just hope for the girls sake she doesn't make this an emotional issue and take it away when she and DH disagree about something.