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I agree.  They are making a whole lot of assumptions that have no merit legally, or from a socio-psychological standpoint.  Many people who abuse their partners never abuse their children, and vice-versa.

I think both parties are responsible for the fighting going on in front of the daughter.  The old saying "it takes two to tango" is true enough.  If he's a good father that's what matters.  Why don't they suggest counseling for the parents or supervised exchanges by a court appointed gaurdian?

The columnists also don't consider the possibility that this woman could be making false allegations against her ex.  That is more and more common these days, yet people are always quick to side with the woman and make the guy out to be the problem with no evidence, just a "scorned" woman's word.  

Sad.  It's really sad.  They need new columnists.

She can say that she put your name on there for whatever reason she wants to, and then say you're not really the father.  Then you're on the defensive and you have to prove that you are, meaning she gains custody of the child until that time.  This will give her a HUGE advantage - don't let this happen.

Establish paternity now, and then file a petition to establish custody AND a parenting plan with the courts.  You can represent yourself, you don't need an attorney (although if you can afford it I would recommend it), but I suggest you move quickly because you may end up needing one if you don't act quickly.  This site has some very good examples of parenting plans that you can use as templates, and Socrateaser gives excellent advice.

You could still use the prior agreement, because it is a legal contract.  What you need to do, however, is establish legal custody in addition to a parenting plan.  Custody is the big issue here.

You probably can't use the recorded conversation in court because usually both parties must be aware they are being recorded.  You can sometimes use voicemail messages because people know they are being recorded when they leave them.  But, you probably won't need it.  If the boy has been living with you all this time and has a stable home with you the courts are unlikely to move him without a compelling reason.  The fact that you live at home with your parents could actually work in your favor because it provides your son with a family dynamic, and care from grandma when daddy is at work.  The courts act in the best interest of the child.  

My biggest advice to you is not to try and be the nice guy, and not to wait.  She will use that to her advantage, and ex's are notorious for filing with the courts and never telling you anything, then next thing you know you're being served with a petition.  You have to take the initiative if you want to protect your rights as his father.

Good luck!

Luckily we had no issues with ours on T-day, but had to see her in court on Tues.  She was taking my fiance to court for more child support because she's suddenly decided that what she's getting isn't enough (which mysteriously coincided with us buying a house).  There's been no change in circumstance, but she's doing it anyway.  So, when we got to court the case was continued because my fiance's lawyer couldn't be there.  She was so mad!  So her way of getting back at him was to e-mail him and say that he could only have the kids for a maximum of 48 hours on his weekends, because a weekend is a 48 hour period.  How pathetic is that?  It's unbelievable how these women behave.  

But, I guess that's why they're the ex's, right?