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Not in today's world/society. In today's world/society, the woman in a divorce settlement is taught by society and lawyers to go for every penny of money and assets that the woman can dig out of the man. And the courts foster this type of settlement.

So therefore a lot of women (not all) will sue for divorce and then drag the issue out in the courts and attempt to get the male/spouse to settle out of court for un-realist settlements. And when the male refuses to an un-realist settlement and thinks he will get a fair settlement via court, he gets slammed by the courts. Happens time and time again! Also the above is the reason divorce attorneys enjoy and are more profitable to represent females in divorce.

The courts are still practicing old laws in a lot states/countys. Old law referrs to the old ideals that the man is the sole income earner and the woman is the house wife that stays home to raise the children. Therefore with this ideals, the court views that it's only correct to make sure that the woman received as much as possible per settlements in divorce. And this "as much as possible" settlement doesn't only hold true for division of martial assets, it also holds true for amount of child support awarded.

Also, the vast majority of child support awards are given to the woman. Because over 80% custody is given to the woman per divorces. This is changing in some parts of this country, yet in other parts of this country this is still the way the courts view divorce.

I agree with a lot of what others have already told you. With most states laws being a little different and with procedures of court being a little different per individual states, I would strongly suggest obtaining a attorney's advice on correct procedure and laws. Also, as I always advised, I would never enter into a court/custody battle with the opposing party having legal/attorney hired and you not having an attorney. Unless you have very good knowledge of law and how your state's court procedures work. You can represent yourself with the opposing party having an attorney and it can be done with sucess, but ONLY if you feel completely cofident in your knowledge of law/procedures. If you can not afford attorney or attorney's retainer fee, I would attempt to either borrow the money or find an attorney that will allow monthly payments(they are out there/just hard to find).

With all the above said, in my state, when a child wishes to change custody and the NCP parent seeks to obtain full physical custody, the judges in this state requires the child to come before the judge (usually in judge's office/chambers) and the judge personally interviews the child with only the child's parents attorneys present. The parent's attorneys are required to keep quite and usually are not allowed to question the child. The attorneys are present during the judge's interview process only as witness. What the judge is seeking during the interview, is whether the child is mature enough, the child has not be brainwashed, the child has not been promised a new bike/tv/stero or other types of material bribes. The judge also is seeking to see the reason for the child's wishes to change custody. These reasons need to be very valid reasons, the reasons can not be that the child doesn't like it's current custodial parent or the child likes the freedom it can recieve by moving the NCP home or the child will be able to miss school whenever it wishes/ect. ect.! (in my case my children's wishes were very valid, son wanted badly to have solid/quality/continual rehab therapies that his mother had not been providing or not providing regularly(son is paralized right side from a stroke))

Also, in this state, it is not required but is found helpful, that the child sign a statement/letter that states the child's wishes and reasons for it's wish to change custody. This statement in my case was prepared by my attorney and my attorney signed the statement and stated that the attorney had interviewed the child and the attorney had not attempted to force or coax the child to sign, that the child was signing the letter per it's own reason and the letter reflected the true wishes of the child. In my state the youngest age for this to be done and the judge rely soley or almost soley on the wishes of the child, is age 14yrs. Children under this age can do the above, but the judge is required to ONLY use the child's wishes as a factor in the custody change.

Also, in my state, you could file a temporary restraining order against the child's mother and keep the mother and child to remain in same location. You could file this restraining order on the grounds that you believe that the mother will attempt to keep child away from you and not make the child available to you for the pending court hearing and also not bring the child to the court hearing. Also that the child should remain in it's present location because the reason of having to be moved and then if granted custody to the NCP, forced to yet move again (some judge's don't like seeing children moved so much) I have seen some judge's grant this TRO without much trouble, other judge's I have seen will not grant this without very solid factual proof of the reasons for the TRO. If the child's mother has already shown that she will hender your acess and will play games with child, the judge will grant this TRO. Remember the judge's view (or at least in theory) "what's in the best interest of the child."

Delaying court dates is item used by sleeze bag attorney's to win their cases by allowing things to occur that will help them win their case. In your case, the mother's attorney is requesting a delay, to allow the mother to move away and set up home life in new location and then the mother come to court and state how good the new home life is at new location and how well the child has adjusted to it's new home. Your job to contridict this, is to show to the court that the child's new home is away from it's extended family and away from the child's bio father and that the distance moved will only alienate the child from it's father and extended family.

Feel lucky that the court delay only was for one month, in my case, each time my ex's attorney requested delays, it took minuim of 3months to aquire new court date(happened in one of my trials 3xtimes). If you feel that the mother's attorney will again request yet another delay with your current June 29th court date, you can thwart/stop the delays. YOu can go to the court and obtain several court dates that are available, then go to the mother's attorney's office and have the attorney sign a statement that it is agreeing to the court date. Then when the court date comes up, and the attorney wishes to play games and request further delays, you can go to the judge and show the judge the signed statement by the attorney and judge will legally not allow the delay.

Good luck,
Grazer

What I believe the list is attempting to do is give father's/soon to be divorced father's a insight to what they are going to face. And it doesn't have to be a vindictive soon to be ex wife to trigger many of the things the "List" speaks about. Many father's/soon to be divorced dad's don't have a clue how bias the courts/GAL's and just about the whole domestice judicial system. They don't have a clue what they are in for and don't have a clue how to protect themselves. And this only worsens and becomes even more bias if the soon to be divorced mom is vindictive and has a "shark" for an attorney (I know there are exceptions to this, but reality is that for the vast majority of the time).

Any father that reads the list, needs to understand not to be nieve and trusting. Rather any father that is facing divorce should be totally informed, just like the "List" states. The "List" is very factual and truthful to 'most' divorces for father's (again I know there are exceptions to this).

I got divorced before SPARC was created. I had no real source to obtain information about divorce. Other than what some guys/aquantances would say that had gotten divorced before me. My ex obtained a real shark for an attorney. My ex even went to some seminar that taught women how to win and win big in divorce. I was totally nieve to divorce, I put my whole faith in my attorney (biggest mistake of my life). My attorney I thought was suppose to represent me and battle for my rights to keep the monies/home and custody of my children (or at least fair share there of). After divorce and being totally screwed by ex's attorney, my attorney, the court system and all the rules/regs of the court system that is in place to protect the female in divorce, I discovered from educating myself what I should have known before divorce. And the "List" is a very good summary of what EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT DIVORCE!!!

Do I sound bitter? Do I sound vindictive? Maybe so, but just as the "List" states and what I found out the hard way, Divorce is war and you better be prepared for the battle. If you are not prepared for the battle or educated to the way "most" divorces proceed, then you will for sure always be in constant debt (paying C/S), you will loose your home, and you will loose the most important thing/your children. You will not gain custody and you will be granted visitation and be regulated to a mere visitator in your children's lives.

Dawn,
There are several things that you can do. You should write letters to his ex requesting visitation. Send letters certified/return reciept requested. Keep file for these letters and file for certified mail and for the return reciepts. If his ex does not accept the letters and the letters/return reciept is returned with her not accepting the letters. This will be very good documentation for you all to prove that his ex is refusing visitation or at least thwarting his attempt at visitation.

Also, if his ex responds to the letters in writting and states in her response letters to you all, that she is not willing to allow "any" visitation. This would the best evidence for you all to show that she is thwarting his visitation.

Do not accept phone calls from his ex regarding your letters to the ex. You all wish to have ex to put in letters/writting what she is doing (refusing the visitation). By her putting in writting that she is refusing visitation, regardless if there is court ordered visitation or not, you all will have the proof that you need to get someone to help you all. And it won't matter if ex has free legal advice or not. By her putting in writting that she is refusing visitation, she will have sent to you all the evidence of what she is doing and it will be hard for her dispute that she's a perfect angel. Yes the courts/judge may just slap her hand for not allowing visitation. But with numerous times of ex writting and not allowing visitation, a judge will finally become angry enough to punish ex and the judge will attempt to stop ex's actions. But it may take several times with/before a judge before the judge will take any action.

But if ex does attempt to communicate with you all via phone. Call ex and leave a message on her answer machine/voice mail, tell the ex to please leave voice messages on you all's answer machine/voice mail. That you all will not accept her calls, but will accept her phone calls via yall's answer machine. If the ex does leave messages on yall's answer machine/voice mail and does state that she is not allowing visitation. Then record the voice messages, which is perfectly legal (in my state) and make written record of when the message was received and what the message was responding to. These recorded voice messages are also very good proof to show that the ex is not allowing visitation.

Also, write to the kids letters. Write them and tell that the father misses them terriably and that he only wishes to see them and have some time with them. I'm pretty sure that the kids are being told by the mom, lies that the father doesn't wish to see them and ect.

One trick that I have used to get my ex to at least accept written letters. Is call the ex's home phone and leave message for the kids that the father is going to send the kids some money in the mail to them. Send them each $10.00 (cash) or something. Leave repeated messages on her phone, so in case the kids listen to the voice message and erase it, that the ex will hear at least one of the messages left by him. If his ex is true to form, she will all be to eager to get the letter that you send, so as to intercept the money that you are attempting to send to the kids. In the letter that you send the money, send your letter requesting visitation. Send the letter again, certified/return reciept, and at least you'll have proof that she accepted a letter asking for visitation. Yes there's a chance that the kids won't actually ever receive the money that you all send, but it's money (in my opinion) well spent, to secure evidence that ex's not allowing visitation or at least not responding to requests for visitation.

Something that you must understand when dealing with ex's like the one you all are dealing with. Nobody and I mean nobody is going to feel sorry for the father not seeing his kids. There are too many walk away father's in this country. In cases like yall's, you've got to expose the ex for what she is. And you must have solid proof of her actions to expose her. Once you have solid evidence of her actions, then you will have the weapons you all need to garner help from the courts/judge's. Without solid and direct evidence of ex's actions, most persons/judges will view the situation as your word against ex's word. And most of the time when a ex attempts to portray it's self as a perfect angel, you will be required to expose the true person that she is.

Also, you must make attempts (legally and written) to at least establish some visitation. Nobody is going to help you all, if you just don't do anything and then say it's not right and what she is doing is wrong (don't mean this as being ugly to you).  You've got to document and stand up and fight it, or the father will be forever kept away.

I can hardly believe it. So I have to keep typing it over and over again.
I'M A FULL TIME DADDY AGAIN!!!!
I was yesterday awarded full "physical" custody of my 2children. My daughter that is 18yrs old and my son that is 14yrs old.
Wow, I'm still in shock! After 10 long years of being messed with, thwarted, PAS, having my children moved away from me, my ex neglecting my children and just about any other thing that my kids BM could do to mess with me and my children's relationship. I now have custody.

I truely wish to thank "ALL" person's that have listened to all my years of coming to this site(since aprox. 1998). That have listened, given advice and generally been very supportive. And I especially would like to thank Waylon, the founder, creator and thriving force of this site(Waylon can you believe it).

Now, I'm going to need help being a full time daddy to my kids. LOL Something that I haven't done in over 10yrs.

Also, praise God, for prayers are truely answered!!!!!!!

AGAIN, I'M A FULL TIME DADDY!!!

Yes, I believe you could file either way, file contempt, or BM not acting in child's best interest, or BM "neglecting" child's care, or BM interfereing with your(a parent) attempts to secure help for your child. Or all of the above. Different laws for different states, please check with an attorney for correct legal advice.

In my case, I was filing contempt!

Filed contempt and listed the records and documents that were pertaining to the case. Did not include the actual documents, rather just made mention of them so that the judge and opposing party knew that we had documented proof as to what we were complaining.

I totally agree with nosonew. Get a second opinion!! If second opinion recomends starting braces now or soon(within the next 6months) then I would for sure file for a hearing. Get this issue exposed that the BM is refusing to do what is in the child's best interest. And refusing to cooperate with your attempt to secure care for your child. And that you wish to stop the madness.

Also, if the child's BM is not willing to cooperate with the child's need, then demand that the BM make an appoitment with the orthodonist and have the orthodonist via an office visit tell the BM what/why the orthodonist is recomending the braces. Make sure that the orthodonist tell the BM via in office appointment. The orthodonist should/would make office notes in the child's record/file that the orthodonist had an appointment with the child's BM, and the notes will reflect that the BM had been told of the need and the reason. Then request and/or suphoena the orthodonist's file. Then bring the copy of the file to court where the offices notes clearly reflect that the BM was made aware of the need.

I have experinced years of my ex/BM thwarting or refusing to get medical help for my special needs child. And the above is one method that I used to sucessfully expose my ex. But the trick in my method is getting the BM to attend an office visit. But if you set a appointment for the BM yourself and send via certified/return reciept letter telling the BM of the appointment for the BM with the orthodonist and the BM refuses to attend the appointment. This also will expose the BM as being un-willing to be cooperating with the child's care/need.

Don't stand idle and hope things will get better. They seldom do with parents that do what your child's BM has done. And it's much better to stop/expose BM's behavior NOW, before other medical needs occur and your faced with having to fight this type of behavior over and over again.

Per my divorce decree, I am responsible for all insurance does not pay.  Ex was court ordered to cover the medical insurance. My ex took son to orthodonist and started getting son prepared(teeth cleaning, teeth extraction, ect.). Then ex stopped and didn't further my son's braces to be installed. When ex started son's orthodnist, ex had dental insurance via her company insurance. Ex then dropped her dental coverage that would have paid for at least half of son's orthodonist's costs. Then ex completely dropped her medical insurance, claiming she could no long afford the costs of the premiums. Ex obtain medicaid.

Within 2months of ex dropping her dental insurance, ex resumed son's orthodonic care and son was fitted with braces. Ex sent me the bill, $3,200.00. and son's orthodonist, of course doesn't accept medicaid.

Who do you think should pay the orthodonist bill?? I feel I should only be held liable for 1/2. Because ex voluntarly ceased her dental coverage that would have clearly paid for at least 1/2 of the costs.

P.S.   Also went ahead and installed son's braces 3weeks before we were to have a custody hearing. I am requesting custody of son and feel that I have a very solid case for being granted custody(other issues). My ex had full knowledge that we were having the custody hearing and also had full knowledge that son may not be living with her in the very near future. But went ahead and allowed braces to be installed. Ex and son live 3.5hrs away from me in another town/city.