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You reconnected with your son LAST Thursday (the 11th) and you thought he would actually pack up everything and leave his senior year to live with a person with whom he's had NO contact for the past 4 years (except for the past 4 days)?  Really?  That's not how relationships work.  And there's no magical mother/child bond that's unbreakable.  He may have said yes to your offer as a knee jerk reaction to the situation he's in.  After thinking it through, he may have decided that 10 more months (from now until graduation) may not be so bad.  If his father and stepmom influenced him then he's old enough to see them for what they are.  If he's in danger, he can report that danger to a teacher or school counselor.  Or as Waylon said, he's old enough that he can live wherever he wants to.  He's not an 8 year old who can't work or make his own decisions.  What's the distance between the two of you (besides 4 years)?  A few miles or a few states?

Wording for holidays should be something like:

Memorial Day:  After school or 12 noon on non school days the Friday before Memorial Day until 8 pm Monday evening. 
4th of July: After school or 12 noon on non school day July 3rd through July 5th at 10 a.m. on non school days or dropped off at school on time if school day.

Thanksgiving:  After school or 12 noon if a non school day Wed through Sunday at (whatever time a normal weekend would end.  Ours ended at 5 p.m. on Sundays.)

Also, not only should you alternate years for holidays, you should also alternate the holidays within the year.  My first order had my ex with all but one holiday one year, me having all but one the following year.  It wasn't fair.  The next order he wanted to keep it the same (to match his stepson's order) but I refused.  His lawyer told him that no judge would refuse my request as it was fair to our boys and his stepson wasn't relevant to our case.  (His stepson's father thanked me because it was the catalyst to get his order changed to something that was fairer.)  I listed the holidays on a paper in order that they appeared within a calendar year.  I skipped down to Christmas and gave the dad odd years so that he would have our boys at the same time he had his stepson.  From there I alternated - Thanksgiving he would have even, Labor Day - odd (with a notation of what to do when my birthday would interrupt the weekend - I would take the following Tuesday as my birthday), 4th of July - even, Memorial Day - odd, Easter - even,

I think the fact that he took the tests willingly and seemed confused as to what had happened speaks in his favor.  Not sure why some men are attracted to crazy.  My oldest was.  Fortunately, he has a cousin (5 years younger than him) who has a knack for spotting crazy and told Chris he could do so much better.  We went through two crazies (the second of which lasted a few years).  We really did try to give the second one a chance but I finally just told Chris outright: "Your potential spouse should be bringing out the best in you and encouraging you to be better.  A better man, a better worker, a better volunteer, a better student, a better whatever you are at the time.  The two of you bring out the worst in each other.  People are reluctant to be around y'all because together you're toxic.  Listen to Cody."  Chris left NC to attend school/training in Utah.  In what I believe was an effort to get him back, A broke up with him after he'd been gone a while and it was clear he had no money to send her.  He called me crying and telling me that he wanted to come home.  I told him he'd regret it but if he could come up with the money to buy a plane ticket, he was welcomed to live his life as he saw fit.  He finally saw what everyone else saw and by the time he came home for Christmas, he was over her.  She met him at the airport and tried to hug him and tried to spend time with him while he was home.  When that didn't work, she tried to get him to hit her.  Luckily I as well has his cousin and a friend of mine had warned him to never be alone with her as she would either try to seduce him or frame him - whichever she could do.  I believe if given the chance, she would have gotten pregnant to trap him. 

Anyway, pray that he sees the truth.  He's got to see her for the toxin she is for himself.  Someone who is willing to give him medication not intended for him is clearly NOT out for his best interest nor is trying to bring out the best in him.  And someone who is not interested in the well-being of her own child.  I got lucky in that my youngest having a child at 20 could have scared him into running away from responsibility, instead, he ran to it and embraced it.  He's far from perfect but he's working on it.  Maybe this is something that will snap Dipper's son into reality.  This is life, it's not a game.  I believe if he's not put in a position of having to defend her and he can think on the situation, he'll see the truth.

I think she's setting him up to lose any chance of custody. Taking him around others and getting pictures as evidence.

I'm so sorry you're in this.  The odd thing about some antidepressants is that they increase thoughts of suicide.  So part of what you're feeling may actually be a side effect of the medication.  Something to look into. 

I'll skip the lecture about suicide being a permanent fix to a temporary situation because while true, you feel like the situation is not temporary.  Allow me to provide a different perspective.

You said your kids are in college or about to graduate.  This indicates that they are less than 25.  The frontal lobe does not fully mature until 25 or 26.  Those kids are still all about themselves.  They are still in a "selfish" stage.  They have insufficient life experience to adequately gauge the sacrifices you made for them.  To bail out now would deprive them of the opportunity to grow and develop a truly adult perspective of you and the situation.  (I'll give a real life example below.) 

Another thing you need to wait for is grandkids.  They change the adult child's perspective and they are able to see things as parents.  They realize how hard it is to be a parent, with or without money.  They also know what it is to love your child as a parent and how frustrating it can be not to do everything you want for and/or with your child.  This will have an affect on their relationship with you and they will likely want their children to have a relationship with Grandpa/Papa/Pops - whatever grandparent name you choose. 

Now, for the real life example.  My parents divorced when I was 3.  My BM went to the grocery store and never returned.  I'm told I had visitation with her.  I don't remember any except two incidences.  The first I was taken to her condo and was made to sit quietly on a sofa playing with a stuffed dog (that barked but I wasn't allowed to make him bark) for what felt like a long time.  The other I was dropped off at my grandparents' where my cousin and I played and I sustained a head injury.  I was driven back to my dad's (1.5 hours) on my BM's lap in the front seat of the car while my stepdad fussed about me being in the front seat of his sports car and how I better not get sick in his front seat.  She eventually moved to some western state while her children remained in NC.  Visitation ceased.  I think I was 7 or so.  What I grew up with was knowing that she cared nothing for me.  My dad gave a directive to his family (and my stepmom's family) that no ill word was to be spoken about my BM.  So those thoughts were developed by my experience and child-like thought process, not because anyone turned me against her.  Fast forward 7 years.  It was my 14th birthday and my brother's 17th.  We each received a card with a check for $15.  My brother sent it back.  I sent mine back with a note that said, "Thanks but no thanks.  My love can't be bought."  Another 4 years.  I was 18, my brother was 21.  She asked that we have dinner with her.   We obliged (mostly for the sake of our grandmother).  Dinner didn't go well.  I was angry and hurt.  Move forward another 4 years.  I'm 22 and have had my first child.  Family oo'ed and ah'ed over him.  But I had this nagging feeling in the back of my head that he was missing another family member.  Whether I liked her or not was irrelevant.  She was his grandmother.  I contacted her and asked if she wanted to see him.  We connected a few times and things were going well until one Christmas when she got mad at me because I was celebrating Christmas with her family for a few hours, my siblings at my dad's for an entire morning, my dad's extended family for a few hours, my in-laws for a few hours and a few hours with just my husband and child.  She wanted to know I wouldn't celebrate Christmas with her.  All of those other times I listed were traditions that had been set from my childhood (with the obvious exception of the husband and in-laws which were set the year we got married).  She was atheist and I had never spent Christmas with her.  Get over it.  A few years went by with no contact.  I gave birth to my second child.  There comes that nagging feeling.  So I stopped by her house unannounced one afternoon so she could meet her new grandchild.  My kids are now 27 and 22.  My grandson is 2.  They all have relationships with my BM.  I have a relationship with her.  My perspective changed.  I would never have walked away from my kids but I can see how she could have been overwhelmed and felt like a failure and decided that would be the best option.  It probably wasn't the best option but I can see how she would think that.  I fought for my kids during my divorce.  I encouraged a relationship with their father.  My youngest is now very angry with his dad and barely has a relationship with him.  What has made him give his dad chances lately is the 2 year old.  Grandkids change everything.

All of that longwinded outpouring just to say this:  Hold on.  Things change.  People change.  You'll notice that with the exception of the $15 birthday gift, nothing in the above narration had anything to do with money.  Your financial situation isn't what determines your relationship with your kids.  If that's all your ex has, it will eventually lose its appeal.  There is hope.  There is always hope. 

My initial thought is that 1800 miles would make it quite difficult (if not impossible) for the dad to participate in counseling unless he did it via phone.

Do a search for "long distance visitation/parenting plan" and "supervised visitation" on this forum and see what articles and threads have to say.  It sounds like dad is going through a midlife crisis (with video games instead of a sports car).

So that was a win?  Congratulations. Perhaps she and her mother will behave themselves - at least for a while.

I agree with MB - unless she was working when they divorced and the Earned Income Credit/tax deduction helped her financially at that point.  If that's the case then there is a change in circumstance.  Also, isn't there a point where you can take only so many kid deductions?  (Having only two, I never needed to know this.)  If so, then it's not really fair for the stepdad to get the deduction over the father. 

[Easter:]

The child should be able to have major holidays with both parents in an alternating type of scenario.

My X and I do this with my 12 yo.  My X had a terrible set up with his older son where it was 1/2 of the holiday for all holidays.  1/2 of Christmas Day, 1/2 of thanksgiving day etc. with no school breaks other than some summer time.

I agree.  My ex and I started out with 1/2 of each holiday and it was horrible.  Not good for the adults or kids and we were only 15 minutes apart.  We started out with me having every Christmas Eve due to a 30+ year family tradition with my grandmother.  That was to continue for several years but once she passed I agreed to discontinue and begin the alternating year agreement.  Realizing that sharing EVERY holiday EVERY year was putting a strain on both families we agreed to revisit that portion of the order.  We agreed to switch it to alternating years but I took it a step further (based on a conversation with my ex's wife's ex.)  He didn't realize when they did their agreement that one parent had their son for all but one holiday in the same year.  My ex was trying to get our agreement to match his wife's agreement (not knowing that Mark and I were communicating).  I sat down and started with the Christmas break (knowing that it was most important to him to have all the kids together for that holiday) and worked from there.  When I gave him my proposal, they balked at it - because they wanted an agreement identical to hers.  Wasn't gonna happen.  My proposal was fair as it alternated years but also alternated holidays within the year. 

We ended up with the following:

Easter: Father Even, Mother Odd Friday at end of school or 12 noon if non-school day until Sunday at 5 p.m.
Memorial Day: Father Odd, Mother Even Friday at end of school or 12 noon if non school day until Monday 8 p.m.
4th of July: Father Even, Mother Odd 7/3 at end of school (in case they went to a year round which never happened) or 12 noon if non-school day until 7/6 at 10 a.m.
Labor Day: Father Odd, Mother Even (with a clause concerning my birthday as it falls on Labor Day weekend if the birthday lands on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday) Friday at end of school or 12 noon if non school day until Monday 8 p.m.
Thanksgiving: Father Even, Mother Odd Wed before at end of school or 12 noon if non-school day until Sunday at 5 p.m.
Christmas:  Father Odd, Mother Even 12/19 - 12/25 at 3pm
New Years: Father Even, Mother Odd 12/25 3 pm to 1/1 at 10 am

He also demanded that Halloween be included and wanted to change the alternating based on that but since a) I don't "celebrate" Halloween and b) it was just one night with usually no overnight stay - I told him to take whatever year he wanted and leave the rest alone. 

We also designated Mother's Day and Father's Day to the respective parent though that meant that my kids were never with the maternal grandfather's on Father's Day while I took them to see the paternal grandmother on Mother's Day.  Not really a way to resolve that as I got along with his parents while he didn't get along with mine. 

Since you're moving, the responsibility of travel would be on you. 

As for RoFR, I had it in my papers that it didn't come into play until 4 hours AND only if aunts, uncles and grandparents were unavailable.  I also included stepparents (but not SO - didn't matter though as the ex remarried 2 weeks after the divorce). 

You may also be able to request long weekends/school holidays - MLK Day, teacher workdays (that land on a Monday), etc.  Also, specify what time your weekend starts.  Ours stated after school on Friday or if a non-school day 12 noon.