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Here is a California Child Support Calculator:
http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/california/ (http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/california/)

If you plug in $3,333 for your DH (based on $40,000 year salary) AND
$7,500 for the ex ($90,000 year salary)

Child support comes out to $646 so the calculation you indicate below is accurate and not outlandish.  I am not saying that it is fair, but the calculation is accurate.  However, this is based on zero percent parenting time.  If you plug in 10% for the child being with you, child support was around $450 per month.  About the best you can do is to file and try to get his parenting time factored into the equation. 

I am guessing that your DH is the one that moved away from the child.  Typically, the moving party becomes responsible for transporation to see the children. 

There are no requirements that she has to spend the child support on the child.  Her lifestyle has no bearing on child support. 

Some states will take into consideration additional children by a second family, some states do not.  Your DH having 3 babies all under 20 months may or may not have an impact on child support, he chose to have a subsequent family.  Even if he can get it reduced with more children, he will be financially obligated to support his daughter from his first relationship.

You do not mention how old your DH's daughter is, so I am not sure how long he will be paying child support, but in California it ends at 18 or when the child graduates from high school.  I think he should immediately not send any additional money.  He is not required to send the money if he is paying child support so he needs to stop. Forget the dance recital dress, forget about anything else, just send child support and no extras!

Good luck!

I guess we will see if we get a tax intercept from either her income tax or the tax rebate....

It has to do with an amount of money based upon your income and your ex's income.  Cold hard facts.  Your pay stub and her pay stub.  

she gets a refund, then they will take the money out of her refund.  DH's ex did this year after year.  We always got our refund and the IRS I guess got their money back one way or another.

and during the summer the skids got free meals also.  

was he "paid" BM for the deductions for about 4 years since they were meaninless for her.   I think DH paid her $400 the year she had two exemptions.  She gladly took the money and gave DH the deduction, it worked out well for us!

going for CS that I had to make up the difference in the budget... his CS had been established on what "she" wanted not what was guideline in the beginning.  AFter I was with DH for about a year he filed for a downward mod.  She bitched complained and moaned about it, but she also knew she probably couldn't fight it, so CS finally went down to the point of where we could breathe.  She still worked the system for years after that.  

can claim the kids for EIC regardless of who claims them on their taxes.  

but her income was so "low" she qualified for medicaid to pay the copays.  It really is quite common.  And yes, that is how it worked and always worked.  DH's medical insurance lapsed and medicaid was on him like bees on honey.  When it was reinstated, he sent copies to medicaid.  Medicaid has always been aware of DH's primary insurance status.  DH was court ordered to pay via garnishment to the state for CS, they knew how much it was and that BM received it.  

BM worked the system for years by living with someone and collecting full benefits for herself and the kids.  It is what it is.

in rags half the time.  She used food stamps (that is how they ate) as well as medicaid (that is how they got medical attention).  DH was court ordered to pay health insurance, but with medicaid as her secondary insurance, she never had to pay a copay of any sort.  She lived with a boyfriend who paid the rent, but he didn't pay for anything else.  

She finally had no choice but to get off her ass and get a job when YSS committed juvenile felony at 12 and she was required to pay back restitution.  She couldn't swing that off of what she was getting for CS as well as support herself and her kids.