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Dear Socrateaser,

We live in Ohio.  

I am the CP of my 3 children ages 10, 7 and 5. NCP has EOW visitation plus a midweek visit that he does not practice (the midweek he does not practice, he gets the kids EOW).  CO states that the NCP be responsible for all transportation for visits.

My current husband and I moved about a year and a half ago.  We are now about 55 miles away from the NCP.  I have willingly provied half of the transportation for NCP's visits since we have moved (I meet him half way).  NCP is becoming very difficult to deal with. He is often late for pick-up/drop-off.

Last drop off, he was 1/2 hour late with no phone call or notice.  This is becomming the norm and is very unnerving.   I have notified him that I will no longer be providing half of the transportation if he cannot be on time. He is threatening to take it to court.

Another issue is the place of the visitations.  NCP lives with his mother in a one bedroom house. We have three children together plus he has another child with another woman. He also has his g/f living with him and she has three children as well.  That makes 7 kids and 3 adults crammed into a small one bedroom house.

My kids have complained quite a bit about the sleeping situation at the NCPs. They say they have to cram onto the couch or the recliners to sleep.  There is simply not enough space in this house to accomodate all of those people.

My questions for you are this:

1. If NCP brings the courts into this, will the judge order me to provide transportation for NCP's visits?  This is not really a problem if NCP can be on time.

2. Will the living arrangements of the NCP be looked into?  I have asked NCP if his g/f could possibly take her children on a different weekend so they are not so crowded but NCP tells me it is none of my business what goes on there.


Thank you in advance Soc!

Dear Socrateaser,

We live in Ohio.

Thank you for advice in my earlier post.

My son came to live with me in June 2006 under an agreed entry betweeen BM and myself.  BM revoked her signature on this entry and the judge set the case for hearing in January 2007 but has been now continued until March 2007.  The judge gave me temporary custody in October 2006.  BM was granted visitation rights under our local rule 19.

BM wanted to settle this case out of court and offered to leave me the custodial parent providing that she gets 3 weekends a month in parenting time, pays no child support and claims our son on her income tax return every other year.  I agreed to all except that she would be responsible for child support.   Now she doesn't want to settle, she wants to go to  court.  

She was also ordered supervised visitation with our son.  She was served right after Christmas.  She has not made any efforts so far to set up any visitation.  

When we go to court in March, my son will have lived with me for 9 months.  He is 11 and has no desire to move back in with his mother.  

1.  What are the chances of custody given back to BM?

2.  Will the judge take my son's wishes into consideration?

3.  Will the judge take into consideration that BM and I had an agreement ready to submit but she changed her mind because she didn't want to pay child support?

Thank you!

Thank you Soc!

Dear Socrateaser,

This is what our custody/visitation papers state in regard to this visitation;

"In even numbered years, the non-residential parent will have the child(ren) on:
from December 21st or the last day of school whichever is later, at 6:00 p.m. to December 24th at 9:00 p.m."


My attorney is not available as her office is closed for the holiday.  

This is not the first time that my son has come home from a visit with his mother in this kind of distress, in fact it happens 9 out of 10 visits.  Also, almost every telephone call has ended this way as well.  We have written documentation from my son's counselor as to his moods and emotions after  visits with his mother.  My son's counselor has attempted to meet with BM on several different occasions to speak with her about this issue and BM refuses to meet with the counselor or cooperate.  

My son tried to speak with his mother about his feelings via telephone last night but BM kept hanging up on him.  I understand that I can be charged with contempt for denying visitation and that was never my intent.  BM never showed up to pick our son up at 6pm yesterday and made no other arrangements for a different time or day.  

Our papers state;

"Grace Period.  The transporting parent for parenting times shall have a grace period of fifteen minutes for pick up and delivery if both parties live within thirty miles of each other.  If the one way distance to be traveled is more than thirty miles, the grace period shall be thirty minutes.  In the event the non-residential parent exceeds the grace period, that period of parenting time is forfeited unless prior notification and arrangements have been made, excepting cases where the non-residential parent lives in excess of thirty miles away and suffers an unavoidable breakdown or delay en route and the non-residential parent promptly notifies the residential parent by telephone of the delay.  Repeated violations by either parent shall be cause for granting a modification of the parenting order"

1.  Will it still be considered contempt if she never showed up for the exchange?

2.  Considering the motion we have in front of the judge regarding the request for supervised visits AND the fact that my son has clearly stated that he does not want to go for the visit, does he have the right to refuse?

Thank you again as I am clearly troubled by this decision and welcome any advice.

"

Dear Socrateaser,

We live in Ohio.

My son's mother and I entered into an agreed entry for a change in primary custody in July.  This entry named me as the residential and custodial parent of our 11 year old son.  The entry was filed and presented to the judge in late July.  After a disagreement between BM and myself, BM revoked her signature from the entry.

The judge granted me temporary custody and set a hearing date for January.  BM was granted visitation rights.

Since coming to live with me in June, my son has had many unpleasant visits with his mother and maternal grandparents.  They often call him names, put him down and belittle him because of his choice to move in with me.  After his last visit with them, he came home in tears and said that his mother pushed him, told him to get out of her car and that she was going to sign her rights away and never see him again.  

My attorney filed a motion requesting a modification in BM's visitation.  We requested that the visitation be supervised until the hearing.  This was only filed a few days ago and we have yet to hear from the judge.
My son is due to spend the weekend with the BM and is refusing to go.

1. If my son is refusing to go, does he have to?

2.  Will I be in contempt if I don't "force" him to go?

3.  What are my son's rights?

Thank you!

thank you again!

Hi Soc,

Thank you for your advice on other topic.  We have never really had to use these court papers and some of the wording seems confusing.  

Document states:  "Mother and Father shall  alternate Christmas school break in the flollowing manner: from the time the child is on school break to until Christmas Eve Day at 5:00p.m. with Father and then  child shall be with Mother from Christmas Eve day from 5:00p.m. to the day after Christmas at 10:00 a.m.  when Father shall have child for the first one-half of the school break from the day after Christmas until child returns to school and Mother shall have child for the last half of the school break.  "

"This Christmas schedule shall alternate with Father being the Odd year numbered parent and Mother being the Even year numbefed parent."

question #1:  Does that read as confusing to you as it does to us?  Does that mean we get Step son from Xmas eve night until Xmas morn and then again for the first half of the rest of his break?  

Document also states:  "mother shall abe the residential custodial parent of child when the child is in her physical possession and father shall be the residential custodial parent of child when child is in his physical possession."  

"Parties shall make all exchanges of the child at maternal parent's home if transportation cannot be agreed upon then the non custodial parent shall arrange and provide for transportation."

question #2:  Since the mother and father are  both the custodial parents when child is in their posession, who would be responsible for the transportation?  

We have always been the ones who transport him and she always wants us to bring him all the way to her house which is another 10-15 miles from pick up point designated in court papers. Plus we always pick step son up at her house as well.  

Thank you again for your help....We have never really had to go by the custody agreement before.  

Thank you for your time.  

Soc,

We have discussed our concerns with BM.  She has been leaving him alone since he was about six years old. She says there is nothing wrong with it and that is how she was raised.  

She is very angry this time when my step son told us that she left him alone at her parents house for four hours so she could play Bingo.  We live ten minutes away from there.  She told my stepson that it was none of his dad's business what he does when he is with her.  My step son told her that he didn't want to lie to his dad anymore.

So we got a phone call from her yesterday telling my husband that we were no longer allowed to pick him up on the days that she has to work.  That it was none of our business where he was and who he was with.  She wants to stop all week day visits and only let us have him for the times that were alloted in the court papers.  My step son is very upset by this because he doesn't like it when he is home alone for hours at a time.  

questions:

1.  If we can't get the school placement reversed, then would we at least have a chance at having more time with him during the week now that we live closer?

2.  The judge won't care that he is being left home alone and would rather keep him with BM than somewhere that he is supervised and made to do his homework?

3.  Why should BM still get $400 a month for a child that she doen't provide for?  


Thank you for your response.  We don't know much about how this system works.  

Hello!

I am a step mother of a 9 year old boy.  My husband and his ex have joint physical/legal custody of this child with the BM having residential school placement.  We live in different cities about 21 miles apart.  Although the court order says my husband is to have him the last three weekends of the month and all school breaks,  we have his son about 4-5 days a week and transport him to and from school.

When step son is with BM she has no childcare for him and he is sometimes home alone until 10pm.  We have tried to pick him up as much as we can so that he will not be left home alone.  He has gotten into some minor trouble here and there because of his lack of supervision, but nothing really bad YET.   BM refuses to spend any time with her son stating that she needs time to herself.  

Step son has stated that he wishes his mom would spend some time with him and that he wouldn't mind living with us full time.  This would mean a change in schools but not much about the living arrangements would change since he is here 90% time anyway.   He is obviously torn between a home that has no rules and boundries and a home where he knows rules will be enforced.  BM told us that she would never let him live with us because she might lose her school grants and medical card.  

BM also recieves regular weekly child support from my husband even though step son is with us most of time and we provide all clothes, food, transportation and such.   It is becoming difficult to pay for him to live at both houses.  

Questions:

1. How old do children have to be to have their opinion count in front of the judge.  

2. Would it be difficult to modify the custody agreement?

3. Can we get a modification in the amount of child support paid?

4.  How young is too young to be left alone?  We think that he is too young at 9 to have so much freedom and responsibility.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post.  Could post so many more things that would influence the modification but I wanted to stick with the recent concerns.  Thank you again.