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Messages - Momfortwo

#31
Quote from: gemini3 on Sep 27, 2009, 11:33:00 AM
Those are some strong words from someone who isn't involved in the situation.  What-if's don't amount to a hill of beans.  We could all make up hypothetical situations. 

There's nothing in any of the posts that give any indication that he's a bad father, or that the child needs protection from him.  In fact - he shows up every other week for his visitation.  If I had to put my money on something I would say that there are issues between the mother and father, not between the child and the father. 

But part of being a good parent is FINANCIALLY supporting your child.  And not putting them at risk of seeing you arrested while they are with you.

Saying that there are issues between the mother and father is an understatement.  He isn't paying his child support.  He isn't going to court to modify the child support.  He isn't letting the CP know his address so that she will know where the child is (btw, this is something that a court can order the ncp to provide to the cp.  And has in other cases).  The ncp isn't letting the courts know his address. 

The mother needs to make sure that the child isn't with the NCP when he is arrested.  And the only way she can do that is to make arrangements for the child to be elsewhere when the NCP, who has an arrest warrent out on him for contempt because of his actions, comes to pick the child up.  And let the cops know where he will be. 

#32
Quote from: gemini3 on Sep 27, 2009, 08:47:48 AM
I find I have to agree with Davy on this one.  It is a law enforcement issue, and they are more than capable of finding someone if they want to.  I don't buy the statement that he is hiding.  He shows up for visitation 2 times a month.  How hard is it to find someone when you know exactly when and where they are 4 times a month?  C'mon people.

Uh, what happens to the child if he gets pulled over for speeding and gets arrested? 


C'mon, get serious.  Arranging for the arrest to happen at a time when the child is somewhere else PROTECTS the child from being put in the above situation. 

The father is a vindictive jerk for doing what he is doing.  And should go to jail.  What he is doing is wrong.  And he's putting his child at risk because of his behavior.  The mother needs to do what she can to protect her child from being in a position that she is with the father (and I use this term loosely in this vindictive jerk's case) when he gets arrested because of his actions. 

#33
Quote from: Davy on Sep 25, 2009, 11:39:36 PM
Absolutely not .. I was crystal CLEAR that this is a LE issue and the arrest can be effected at any time so the OP does not be the driving force to effect the arrest when he arrives to access his child.  In other words LEAVE THE CHILD OUT OF THIS adult issue.


You are absolutely right, this is a law enforcement issue.  Which is why it would be the right thing for a law abiding citizen to let law enforcement know where the person who is hiding (and he is hiding, even the court does not know his address) will be so that they execute an arrest warrent.

And it is better to have the person with the arrest warrent arrested at a time when he doesn't have the child with him.  Hence, having it done (with the child somewhere else) at a time you know the child won't be around.  The child isn't going to witness the arrest this way and is being left out of the adult issue.  Whereas, if the father gets arrested while he is with the child, the child is in the middle of it.  The father is a jerk for putting the child in that position.  Because the arrest warrent wouldn't have been issued if the father wasn't in contempt of court via his actions. 

One thing you aren't is an advocate for children. 
#34
Quote from: Davy on Sep 25, 2009, 06:44:30 PM
I was CLEAR.  This is a LE issue and the arrest can be effected at any time.
WHY wait until the 1st or 3rd weekend when the child might be most impacted.   Please justify for a change.


No, you justify why it is okay for this person to avoid being arrested for his actions.   As for the arrest being done at anytime, kind of hard to do when he's HIDING. 
#35
Quote from: lwyphan on Sep 25, 2009, 03:13:06 PM
What I have decided to do is just to tell him that he is welcome to pick her up for visitation, but that I am calling the sheriff to enforce the outstanding warrant.  If he chooses not to come get her, then that is on him.  I won't deny visitation.  But I will clearly state my intentions.  He will avoid seeing her himself just to get out of this situation.  He won't man up and take care of the problem.  I'll be interested to see how long he'll be willing to let this go unresolved before he takes care of it just to see her.

Don't tell him anything.  He will just not show so that he isn't arrested for his actions.  Instead, make arrangements for the child to be somewhere else and notify the police of exactly where he will be.

Getting arrested and going to jail may be the wake up call that he needs to finally comply with the court order. 

Let him face the consequences of his actions. 
#36
Quote from: Davy on Sep 25, 2009, 05:21:12 PM
I think it is a huge mistake for you to be the driving force behind arresting the other parent.  Moreover, you're using and manipulating the access to the child to effect an arrest. 


Uh, he's the driving force of why he's being arrested. 

And the child doesn't even have to be there when he gets arrested for his failure to comply with a court order.
#37
If both parties agree, I don't see why not.  But an attorney would probably be able to answer better.
#38
Visitation Issues / Re: "Reasonable Visitation"
Sep 24, 2009, 01:32:35 PM
Quote from: spitfire on Sep 24, 2009, 12:45:18 PM
I realize that this isn't technically my fight, but you have to understand that this isn't simply that my parents have decided they don't want to be together.  If it was just me I could step aside let them duke it out. But what about the babies?  The people I love most in the world are in constant agony because of this.  How can I not take sides?   

You are not a parent to those babies.  Your parents are.  And it is up to them to work it out.

How can you not take sides, you ask.  I ask:  How can you take sides?  And how come your parents are letting you? 

Really, step aside.  It really is none of your business.  Try to be there for your younger siblings.  But stay out of the legal side of it.  Let them duke it out.  It is their marriage that is ending, not yours. 
#39
Visitation Issues / Re: "Reasonable Visitation"
Sep 24, 2009, 01:28:37 PM
First of all, you need to uninvolve yourself in your parents' divorce.  It is theirs to settle.  Neither of them should be putting you in the middle.  Even if you want to be.  And that includes your father.  In fact, he's doing you a great disservice by not insisting you stay completely out of it.

Second, your mother is doing nothing wrong in not letting the 15 year old go until she complies with the rules.  It's called parenting.  I have often not let my kids do something fun when they don't behave. 

#40
Quote from: ocean on Sep 23, 2009, 04:59:45 PM

I also think that the laws need to change and work out a better system of dealing with non-payment BUT this is what this mother is dealing with now...

I think that if every single court were to actually enforce the existing laws, there would be payment.  In states that are extremely strict with enforcement, there is very little non-payment of child support compared to other states that are lax in their collection.   The problem is that most states don't enforce non-payment as strictly as they should.