Messages

You are correct Kitty.
The warning I was attempting to give was to not make it appear as if she were a "bad" mother because she is ill, rather to show through the time tracker that he has been caring for the child during Mom's illness and should be permitted the right by the court to continue the relationship at the current time share his child has enjoyed.

TM

An article here at Sparc regarding the State taking custody of your child...

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/ifcpdies.htm

TM

You will need to show the court "evidence" of the amount of time you are spending with your daughter.
 
My first suggestion is either the Parenting TimeTracker available here at Sparc http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Time Tracker http://www.parentingtime.net/ipn/delta_signup.php both of these programs give a clear idea of the amount of time each parent is actually spending with the child.

Your child's pre-school, if it is one where you have to sign the child in and out each day is another good source of "evidence". The sign in/out logs will show how often you pick the child up.

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips1.htm Here is a great article relating to keeping documentation that the courts will look at.

Now for the reality, chances are that your Ex having had sole legal and physical for 2 years will most likely mean that barring her having actually physically abused your daughter the courts will not order a custody change.  Additionally, if she pleads with the court that the only reason you have had so much time is because she has cancer, you WILL come out looking like an ass for trying to take a "dying" mothers child away from her.

WHAT can happen, and if you have good documentation to back up what you have said about the time you spend with your child you should be able to gain Joint Custody.

My suggestion is to interview several attornies and find one who will promote the best interest of your child to the courts. Yours will most likely not be a case that can be handled without legal advise.

TM

Add to that these:

http://www.custodyattorney.com/michaelarobbins/article4.htm

http://my.webmd.com/content/article/25/3606_1372?src=Inktomi&condition=News_and_Events

TM

Generally speaking, if the court you are dealing with is a consolidated court than the mediators recommendation will be adopted. There are only a few California Courts that are not consolidated courts now. If the report isn't adopted, what usually happens is the matter is set for trial.
There are of course exceptions, but if the mediators report is not adopted, you have grounds for an appeal. There is information on mediators reports both at the California Code site and at the California Court Info Site.
Those Websites are at:
http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/calaw.html
http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/

Hope this helps you.

TM

If she is refusing to reply... it is not inappropriate to cc your attorney and hers as well.
Also remember to use certified mail so that she cannot say she did not get the letter.
In the body of the letter request that she respond by a specific date, generally unless there is a time constraint for you that doesn't accomidate it, 10 days would be appropriate.
TM

If she is refusing to reply... it is not inappropriate to cc your attorney and hers as well.
Also remember to use certified mail so that she cannot say she did not get the letter.
In the body of the letter request that she respond by a specific date, generally unless there is a time constraint for you that doesn't accomidate it, 10 days would be appropriate.
TM

During the worst of the 'secrets' incidents we dealt with, I went through a conversation with the kids about good secrets and bad secrets.

We talked about good secrets being surprises that make people happy when they find out, like birthday presents or a party and it is important not to tell those secrets until it is time. Bad secrets were things that made them feel uncomfortable or hurt inside and someone could get hurt if they didn't tell.

We also talked about how sometimes someone would ask us to keep a secret we don't know for sure is good or bad because it was a secret that made us feel special that we knew the secret but we feel bad we can't share it with someone special to us. We talked about how when it was a secret like that, we would have to decide if someone would get hurt if we shared (or didn't share) the secret.

We also talked about what confidentiality is and when we had to keep something confidential and when we had to tell someone something no matter what and I let the kids know what would be confidential and what I would have to say something to someone else about when they told me.

TM

Check with an attorney...

Because Bio-Mom allowed contact after the adoption there may be options available. Although I haven't seen or done much researchin family law adoptions I have done some research in child welfare type situations and adoptions.

There have been dependency cases of adoption where a bio-parents rights were terminated but later allowed visitation and in one case in Oregon a father obtained custody after an ugly situation involving the adoptive parents.

This is going to take an expert in adoption laws rather than an expert in family law to assit you with.

TM

You did not say what state you are in... but there was some indication that you are in California.

California uses to determine relocation the following factors:

the children's interest in stability and continuity in the custodial arrangement;
the distance of the move;
the age of the children;
the children's relationship with both parents;
the relationship between the parents including, but not limited to, their ability to communicate and cooperate effectively and their willingness to put the interests of the children above their individual interests;
the wishes of the children if they are mature enough for such an inquiry to be appropriate;
the reasons for the proposed move; and
the extent to which the parents currently are sharing custody

The extent to which the parents currently are sharing custody is really major. In cases where there is a significant (which has been determined to be about 65/35 custody time share) time share of the children your chances at relocating the children decrease and the closer you get to 50/50 the closer you come to losing custody.

TM