Messages

Let me start off by saying that the only posts I read here were by Gemini so I don't know what anyone else said.

The court order is the binding document period. If it doesn't say a due date, then there is none. You are paying monthly on a regular basis and you have your proof so there is no issue for contempt.

Continue on with the cover your ass provisions and let her cry as much as she wants.

Sounds to me like she is counting on YOUR money to pay HER bill that is due on the first and because YOU aren't paying HER it's late. Too bad for her that she can't handle her finances better. NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

I don't understand why she would have closed the DCSE case and started having  you pay her directly except that she was equally unhappy with the payment receipt schedule in place with them.

I also don't see any reason why you should assume the burden and cost of re-opening a DCSE case when she is the one with the issue. As I said, if the court order does not give any direction, then there is none.

Sounds like your ex is a joy to deal with.

My ex filed false charges against me saying I had not paid CS for over 6 months. I had all of the checks I had sent to her, she signed and deposited into HER account. The memo lines all said for CS XXX period with child's name.

Charges did not stick. She asked to have me put in jail (standard legalese). How can that possibly benefit the child?

Anyway, I then requested payments go through DCSE to establish solid proof of payment. Court agreed and it was so ordered. I completed the application, mailed it in and paid the fee. DCSE called me at work a couple of weeks later telling me they were going to return my application and check because my ex was supposed to put it in. I said NO WAY and they took it anyway. Everytime I have to talk to them (which is not often), I am treated like a common criminal.

I requested that my personal information be blocked in things that were sent to my ex (she has all she needs via court records) just as a matter of principal since they had a box asking if you wanted your personal information blocked. What happens?  All of her personal information is  blocked out. WTF?

I personally  have known women who get by without paying CS. They cry to the court and the court feels sorry for the girl and sticks it to the guys. It is wrong and should not be tolerated.

Just perservere. I would send the information to the Arizona and Nevada offices via certified return receipt requested mail to have proof they have it. Keep following up. Ask for names of each person you talk to and who their supervisor is and that persons contact information. Keep up the pressure.

Good luck.

I hope you end up the exception to the rule and that justice is done.

I have accepted that this will never be the case for me. I don't have the financial resources or the mental stamina to go through this anymore. My child is in full blown PAS (end stages), and has taken on the behaviors of the alienating parent. Not only am I not seeing my child, no one in my family is receiving any contact and that has not always been the case.

So, I am not arguing with you. It warms my heart when things are done right or a wrong gets undone.

Good luck in your battle. However, I still am not sure what you are trying to accomplish. I hope you are able to maintain your relationship with your child though.

I cannot answer this for you. I know I got screwed and I see no way to get the matter corrected.

There is no equality. The family courts are making decisions based on their PERSONAL feelings in these matters, not based on law, facts, or evidence. So, this is why you have the system as messed up as it is. This also supports the GAL, custody evaluators, therapist, industries that are all tied to this system and benefit greatly off of our ongoing cases. I've done all I can to end my involvement in the fiasco. It is a no-win situation for me.

I don't know what you are trying to accomplish with your filings. What are you asking for? Getting them to admit they were wrong an apologize? Fat chance. Getting unjust rulings reversed? Fat Chance. Even when they admit they are wrong, most times they aren't willing to do anything to right it.

I just don't see what battle you are waging here. Letting the anger consume you can push some people to extreme measures. I for one, chose to step out of that mind set for my own sanity.

It is a screwed up world we live in. We are years away from the revolution that will be required to bring any type of tangible change. Will I live that long? Who knows, but I'd love to see it happen!

I thought your question was more of a "rhetorical" type.  That is why my response was truthful about how I feel, but also tongue in cheek.

When you have kids, you know you are going to have a responsibility to provide monetary support for them for a portion of their lives. No way around it.

Lots of people have kids for the wrong reasons. Money being one of them.

You knew you were having a kid, so you did enter into an understanding of financial obligation. That justifies the obligor part.

I do believe there needs to be safeguards in place along with a regulatory body to monitor child support payments and how they are spent. When couples with children are together (married or not) usually one is responsible for managing the money. If that person managed it poorly, the other person would have the right to question them about it and determine how to best resolve any issues arising from that mismanagement. SO, a person receiving child support payment on behalf of a child they are residential or custodial parent of, SHOULD have to keep a log of how the money is spent and submit it for records. But, this is a pipe dream, so I just pay and hope that my child is getting what she needs as oppossed to what she wants and that BM is not buying too much beer and cigs on my dime (don't even want to think about what else she may be buying!).

I have to agree with mist, working with these systems always is better then against. I hold that position even though I am not even seeing my kid right now and the courts have been no help at all.

There comes a time when  you have battled enough and you have to make a choice to either let it go or become a raging maniac in your pursuit of justice. I have to believe that there is a higher form of judgement out there, be it God or kharma. What you put out will come back to haunt you eventually.

Also, I can look myself in the mirror each day and know that I have done what is right without cheating, lying, using my child as a pawn or otherwise. Doing the right thing did not guarantee me or my child justice, but it has given me peace of mind.

I am not sure what you are trying to acclomplish in this battle of yours. If you have a relationship with your child, then believe me, you have won the battle and no amount of money paid out is worth giving that up.

Usually means the parent who got screwed in my experience.

You are fighting a losing battle in my opinion - even though you have tons of principal to stand on.

The courts are not about what is right. It is about might. And, might makes right in our society.

You have been ordered to pay child support, that makes you the obligor. How can that be if you have equal time I don't understand.

CS and Family Court laws are archiac and ruining children's and parent's lives every day. I don't see them changing anytime soon. I love my child, but the day CS is done and I am really disconnected financially from the mother will be one of the best days of my life.

CSE offices get federal dollars for all the "deadbeat" parents they bring back to current or close to current. I don't know exactly what the criteria is to qualify for these federal incentives, but I can tell you that the only incentive it provides is for the CSE offices to manipulate things to make it look like more people are behind and they are doing a great job. This results in more federal bonus bucks at our expense again (our taxes at work). This works for a multitude of state level organizations like your local public schools who get federal bonus bucks when kids do well on standardized tests. Teach to the tests and get the bucks. Produce kids who can't read, make change, or put the toilet paper in the holder is insignificant.

Did you read the report about our narcissistic college age generation? Things are going to get much worse.

It's a crazy world we are living in.

Chardog,

There is an IRS form specifically for this purpose where parent gives consent that the other parent can take the deduction in that given year. Both have to sign. I cannot remember the form number. If you search on the IRS site,  you should be able to find it.

I would file taxes and claim child as you are legally entitled to. Enclose a copy of your court order with the pertinent section hi-lited. Also advise that you did not sign a waiver allowing the other parent to begin taking the deduction. A call into your local IRS office with ex's ss # and reporting the information may be helpful as well to get an investigation started.

If you don't get the refund, take it to court on a contempt motion. When you prevail, you can file amended returns. Make sure you ask for the ex to be responsible for all costs associated with this too.

Good luck!

Not legal advice and not even based on experience I've had legally.

It is your kids and they need health insurance. You can provide it - so do. Personally, I would not want to count on a parent to provide it who may be unreliable or commits actions that are not in the best interest of the children. It is in the best interest of the children for you to make sure they have health insurance.

As per the previous poster, I would try to resolve this issue first with BM via a business like letter that addresses the issue you want to resolve only. Send it certified return receipt requested.

If she does not respond or becomes argumentive. I would suggest filing a motion with the court to clarify the order being that it is vague. I don't know that you have the grounds for contempt. Socrateaser would be the best source for that.

If the court does not provide clear and concise direction on this in the end (and how many times does that happen - oh about a million!). I would continue to provide the health insurance and either request a review in CS (if a proper time frame has elapsed since last review typically 3 years), or when the next review comes up, include the amount you have been paying in your calculations.

BTW - how does your order handle co-pays and uninsured costs? This sounds like an issue just waiting to blow-up into a big mess in my opinion.

I hope this helped a little.

I live in MD too. Let me say first off - that this is notnew's wife today.

He goes through CSE becuase ex filed false allegations saying he didn't pay so he requested it for proof of payment. They treat him like garbage and I hate it. I also know that the way CSE collects and posts the payments make it look like you are always behind (just a week or so at a time). I have heard states get federal funds for collecting from "deadbeat" parents. So, if they inflate the numbers of deadbeats and collect, they qualify for more funds. Makes perfect sense doesn't it?

You are SO RIGHT about how much it costs to live here. We are scraping by too and with gas at like $2.95 - $3.10 around the area - it gets worse everyday. In my county it was recently reported that a single person making $45,000 per year cannot afford to live in that county. We co-own a home with two relatives. It has been a rocky road from time to time, but there is enough room to give us separate spaces (just barely) and together we can make it happen, but separately, none of us could.

I don't think you have to go through CSE to file contempt or ask for a modification to CS. I think you can file the paperwork yourself in the court. I may be wrong, but DH's ex tried to pull this crap while in the middle of a custody mod and she hasn't been working for several months. It was denied, but not because it didn't go through CSE.

Yeah - and ex not working for 6 months and still living in her home with the lights, cable and phone on. How in the heck can she be paying the bills????? She needs to start selling that secret formula, cause I'd be buying that book!

Yeah - the other post was a little harsh. They may be stinging from some recent activities so we may just need to be a little understanding who knows.

Good luck - I hope you all get to collect your CS. NO fair! I thought they would do better than that!