I am lost in all my emotions and trembling in my boots now. Last year I met a girl who I thought was very sweet. She filled my head up with her dreams of having a baby. I am 30 and very successful. I fell into those same dreams and knew I wanted to have children too. We were together for only about a month when we had her take a pregnancy test and yes she was pregnant. It turned out though that she had slept with 3 other men during the time she was with me. I kicked her out. One of her exes took her in. When we all went to the doctor to get a conception date we found that I was most likely the father. Her ex kicked her out. I took her back. We argued constantly until I moved out for a week to calm things down. I then found out that she was bringing men over to my house. I kicked her out. She moved back to where she was from 500 miles away. I told her that I would be there for our child. She didn't care. Her mother called me when she went into labor and I made it to the hospital just in time to watch her ex who had kicked her out walk into the delivery room to watch the birth. I was devastated. I had sent her money, activated her home telephone for her and bought hundreds of dollars worth of baby item. Anyway we had a DNA test done and I was found to be the father by 99.9996%. For about the first 5 months she would only let me see my daughter for 2 hours on a saturday every other week. This is after I traveled 1000 miles round trip each time. I was still doing everything I could but she wouldn't let go of the fact that I kicked her out. Finally I had my lawyer get the court to require a Home Study and dual psychological tests. By the way she had put a protective order on me for yelling at her one time when I visited because she wouldn't give me more time with my daughter. The Judge dismissed. Once she received the order for the tests she called me crying and wanted to work something out. I was desparate to spend time with my daughter so I agreed. She agreed to move back with me but only if I would marry her. I agreed not really wanting to. We were together for about 4 months and I got to spend alot of time with my daughter. No I did not marry her. Then it started again, she slept with one of her exes, left me at a bar with another man and was contacting other men on the phone and email. I told her I hated her guts and that it was obvious that I was going to have to get custody of my daughter because she was not a responsible mother and that I wanted a refund on the wedding rings that we had on layaway. She said she was going to call a councelor that day while I was at work and see if we could still work something out. When I got home from work she was gone along with my daughter. Later that night the police arrested me for sodomy and forcible sodomy. I spent a day in jail and the next day was another protection order hearing. I had not had time to get a lawyer and the judge extended the PO to the trial date and gave her my second car to use in the meantime. I found a lawyer and he said it would be 20 years minimum to life in prison for the charges and that he was going to charge me $25,000.00 to defend me. I am so tired and shaking in my boots now. I now know why so many children don't know there fathers. The fathers are petrified of what the mothers are going to do. What do I do? I am tired, petrified and am ready to give up on my daughter, I can not take this anymore. The mother should be the one in jail for the emotional torture she has put me through. But no, the court system seems to be completely oblivious to the realities of life.
First of all, who filed the sodomy charges? If it was her, how could she if you two were living together?
DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! If something horrible was to happen to the mother, and you weren't no where to be found, then daughter would go to foster care, then you would not be able to ever find her or get her back.
DOCUMENT,DOCUMENT,DOCUMENT, everthing that Mom has done, how much time you have had with your daughter.
You did a good thing by requesting a psych eval on both of you...especially on her.
What state are you in?
There is a lot of helpful information on here.
Good luck and Don't give up on your daughter. If you do, then you are giving up on yourself also.
It's WWAAAYYY too early in the game to give up now!! As long as you REALLY didn't sodomize her, she is just playing games, and the courts will realize it. Although this probably won't be the last of her accusations, sorry to say.
I suggest you fight this, continue your custody fight, work as much overtime as you can, find a different attorney!, and we wish you the best of luck!
>It's WWAAAYYY too early in the game to give up now!! As long
>as you REALLY didn't sodomize her, she is just playing games,
>and the courts will realize it. Although this probably won't
>be the last of her accusations, sorry to say.
>
>I suggest you fight this, continue your custody fight, work as
>much overtime as you can, find a different attorney!, and we
>wish you the best of luck!
Your right, that's why I feel I should give up. I have never been so scared in my life and I do not want to feel that again. What good will I be to my daughter if the mother keeps locking me up and all my finances are gone. I gave the mother everything, diamond earings and a matching set for my daughter. Gave her a car to drive and told her she wouldn't have to work, just stay home and take care of our daughter. I am not in good physical shape and I am already feeling numbness in my left side. I am depressed and tired of fighting for the right thing to do. I was brought up with six children in my family and a mother an father who were always there. I don't know any other way than that. If I continue to fight for my daughter who is only 10 months old now, what will the future hold for her? We now live 500 miles away from each other and there are no job opportunities where she lives at in the mountains. I feel now that It will only put not only my daughter through hell and myself as well. A friend of mine told me to just forget about it and get on with my life as he has because he has been through the same thing. He now has a wife and two other children. If the court system wasn't so threatening and the BM wasn't so vindictive I could see continuing to fight but I just can't see dragging my daughter and myself through hell to get there. Here is a quote I read:
"When women are afraid of having to share custody or of losing custody of the children, they frequently resort to claims of domestic violence to gain legal advantage.""estimates that about half of all restraining orders are merely legal maneuvers, where there is no real fear of injury on anyone's part."
As long as the court system keeps being hysterical and overracting to false allegations men will always suffer. I'm tired, weak, and drained of everything I am. There are millions of children without their fathers and we are condemned and punished if we try to be there for our children so what's the use. I pray my daughter will grow up happy and safe and will not follow in her mother's footsteps. Please pray for my precious daughter Alexis.
I understand your reasoning here, and at times my husband very seriously considered giving up all rights to his son, so the child would not have to go through all the crap he was going thru. HOWEVER, I actually talked him out of it by pointing out the FACT that HE is childs dad, and mom is messed up, so what is his life going to be like without him in it? Regardless of the court actions, false accusations, etc???
And, beware, you will be financially responsible for this child for many years to come, AND will have NO say in ANYTHING if you give up now. Unless she gets remarried and new hubby wants to adopt her, you will remain a paycheck for mom.
So, for the BEST INTEREST of this child,
1. Clear your name on the sodomy charges.
2. File a civil suit against her for slander and ask for damages for emotional distress/physical distress (go to your doctor) and attorney fees. And make sure she is aware that any future false allegations will be dealt with thru civil court.
3. After 2 false allegations, talk to your local district attorneys office. They can also file charges for false allegations. So get her both ways! (Our DA told us he would file against her and make sure she got at least 90 days in county jail next time she filed a false report).
I know you are scared now, but it's time to pull your pants up and fight back! Otherwise, she will walk all over you and that little girl! What kind of role model is she being, and will be in the future!!!! You need to be a part of that childs life, period.
Let me know what you think, and let me tell you, it won't come cheap. I think we put our attorneys daughter thru college. BUT, my stepson now lives with us, and it was HIS choice! So miracles do happen, it just takes awhile!
Ask Soc on the Socrates board, he is the legal advisor. Make sure you tell the story, and list your questions in sequence with numbers. AND find a new attorney!
Unfortunately many men have to go thru this hell. But if the mother is like this then what will she do or say to your child.
Ask Sco for advice, he is great.
Please don't give up on your daughter, yes, money will be tight, but who can put a price on their child, money isn't love the love that you could give your child, and when you want to give up, come here and vent, we all are going thru alot and understand how difficult this can be.
Also email this man
[email protected] you can ask him questions explain what is going on, he works with the best attorneys in the country to fight against false abuse allegations. He himself was accused of molesting his young daughter, he did 10yrs in prison for something he did not do, now he devotes his life to help others that are facing false allegations.
Prayers to you, your famiyl and let our angel watch over your child.
:) I know that I can't really make it better for you,currently my husband and I are going through the same situation with his sons mother. He hasn't been able to see him legally and we are still fighting for it,Emiliano(his sons name) is going to be three years this coming June and he still can't see him. We are still fighting to see him ,we might go to court this Feb.because ,well the truth is I can't tell you why he cant see his child ,only the mothers now. The thing is we also have spend a lot of money on attorneys and traveling my husband used to live in California and his son lives in Florida,we currently live in Texas, often he has asked me if I think its worth it to fight for him,every time it seems like it gets more difficult,he wonders if maybe he should just give up that maybe that would be the best for his son and I have told him ,what if later when his son grows up tells him why didn't you fight for me,why werent you there for me? I tell him that I know its tough because I see him every day hurt for his son. I know that things will be better because I dont want it to be any other way,we will keep fighting until the end and I know that we will have a happy ending. But I know we wont know how it all ends unless we try. Don't give up because you will have your reward and believe me it will be a good one.
Thank you for the advice, that is what I was looking for. I didn't know I could sue her for this hell she has put me through. But still, my daughter is only 10 months old and to think of the horror stories I have heard of men being thrown in jail for 10 yrs or more because of false allegations the mother made of child abuse makes me tremble. I would always be afraid of being around my own daughter by ourselves without witnesses around me at all times. What kind of life is that for either of us. The funny thing is is that I know that my daughter's mother has been great with our daughter so far, but she told me the reason she wanted to have a baby was to have a best friend who would never leave her. I told her that is not what a parent is for. Children will make their own friends but you must be their parent! So, I think she will be good to my daughter while she is a baby, but when she tries to turn her into a friend is when she will destroy my daughter emotionally. The other thing is that in only 1 year she has moved 6 times! So, yes I know responsibility wise and parental wise I would be without question the most stable parent, but it still brings me back to the chances of going to jail for so many years because the court would possibly believe a beautiful crying woman on the stand and not my bald straight faced self. I can't fathom the thought. I made a mistake with this woman by getting her pregnant but my daughter is not a mistake. I can only hope that once she gets older she will come find me and learn the truth.
-----What good will I be to my daughter if the mother keeps locking me up and all my finances are gone. -----
Ok, the jail thing sucks...but you aren't a father because you have cash in your pocket. What good will you be to your daughter if you bail? You won't be giving her the chance to know you, and she deserves that. Times are tough and they'll probably only get tougher. Walk with your daughter through her life...don't bail just because her mother happens to be an evil shit.
I had a similar situation for a lack of enthusiasm I will not list the details . I will just tell you the end results , And the actions of the court and why , And why you now need to interview Many atty's
And the consensus of many men I Have run into that have encountered this ,
All this is related to Wash state . And Is most likely similar to where you are . If you can't get an atty that will basically explain this, As I will move on to the next atty , And don't just go give some shit head atty 25,000 Because this psycho has lined up with every other psycho out there and thinks that she Has invented allegations , All the psycho's like this are the same ,My story, the psycho told me similar bullshit from the beginning about how she alway's wanted to be with a guy like me < BLAH BLAH , OK get it,? I can probably read her mind for you because I have been through this ,
Basically , If the attys don't explain, As my atty did like this !!
First the judge probably doesn't really believe this crap from the beginning because this is a paternity case , Second , Now It is fairly well known that Child protective services won't even look into it when they figure that this Is a domestic relations /paternity case , Ok the court is aware of this big epidemic , Its just that the judge doesn't have time to go out and research this situation, SOOOO they have to make a call . that call has to be a safe call , Its not really against you . they just don't want to be in the news papers for letting and AX murderer see the kids etc . [Name the allegation) So now the court started Using what they call Guardian ad Litems . These persons are appointed to investigate On behalf of Minor children . And report to the judge . When the judge gets the report then The Judge will make another call
So My case , The GAL report said No police report " No witness and no evidence to Her allegations , And suggested a parenting plan for My visitations , the shit head was a difficult bitch through out . So this crap drug on for 2 years and I got another GAL appointed And fired 2 atty's in the process .
the very most important thing you can do right now is atty selection,
[ Basically you need an atty that just talks to you like a real human .]
If you interview an atty they should say some very realkistic things and not try to scare the shit out of you And then ask you for 25K, I hope you did not give it to him ,Yes its a serious allegation , But if you look up sodomy Its really homosexuality , thats not against the law any way ,
When I went through this at first I was all wacked out and wanted My
atty to depose the bitch etc , He just laughed , I was not sure this was a good atty . What I did not realise is that this is standard procedure for this type of situation [with a psycho] And He would not depose her or any thing , What I did not know was what would happen with the commissioner , So we went to A commissioner with out a GAL report , And the commissioner gave me supervised visits , then we got the GAl report in front of the commissioner and then I got a parenting plan , Don't get all bent about it, You will get a couple of 2 hour sessions etc , Just make damn sure Your atty say's no to her asking for atty fee's and that the GAL and the supervised visits are a split cost Because she is Making all the false allegations , Thats what My atty did , And she had to Pay half ,
I would say talk to a bunch of attys , And have all the reports from the police and her statements with you and see what they will do , You will get to an atty that will say things that make sense , DO NOT HIRE an atty that talks a bunch of big talk bull shit , Just one that states the law , And what You can do , There is really not much to this, its going to boil down to She said He said < Soo Get a look at the reports etc . Talk to a few attys . I would even suggest [ Now that You are out, go talk to the prosecuter , Maybe see if the other [fathers will go ] My case they won't because they were soooo GLAD that she was out of there life that they Didn't want ANY further to do with her < And She will try to turn any thing you do around on you any way , I garuntee it , So Don't do any thing to her or her friends etc . Keep in mind you have one goal , You want the child to have a DAD and go on with your life ,
To Cut the whole story short , I hired the atty that made sense , At first he did not make sense because I had 2 previous atty's , One was a real good talker etc , >>> Basically I was confused Because I did not know the law , And the whole atty process Is for the Atty to know the law , And explain that to you . I guaruntee it will be very little , there isn't a hell of a lot to this type of crap Its all he said she said ,
SOO the end is My good atty said , [AFter ] the GAL report was done , " Set a trial date and get her ass in the court room , Well really the whole story ends with this , During the GAL investigation she made up every allegation she could ,
When we got to court she did not have ONE 1 Not one witness to ANYTHING PERIOD , Now I knew Because I personally went to the court and watched MY ATTY that His strength is cross examination of the witness , He relies on this , Well It shocked us both when she showed with no witness period, and her tune changed and she was now being victimized By me the BAd guy dragging her into court , So We went back to some of her earlier pleadings and Brought up all the allegations. and gave the judge a picture of why we were there , So In her lying She ran up a huge atty bill , Of wich the judge did not give them Any atty fee's , BUT I will again stress that the judge really did not even listen to all the He said she said , get use to it , most likely This will be like My case and Many others I know of . And this is standard procedure , The only thing I could sayIs if I was ever to go through your situation or mine again I would probably laugh at her face and say see ya In court dumbass ,, I also challenge you to call that atty back and say where does it say In the law that I could get 20 Years to life in prison for sodomy , Sodomy is homo sexuual acts , Or is she saying you Gave it to her in the brown Eye forcibly? , then If you did there would be a sign , like she would have went to a rape clinic or something , Listen to Me Get a damn atty that tells you Before He say's any thing about 25k What He will do first , After having been through similar allegations I believe the atty probably asked you if you have Money etc . And tried to scare it out of you . I haven;t had quite that allegation .But there is always some sort of proof , Again If you look at the case report or have an atty look at it And it say;s " Psycho went to the rape clinic after talking to police and there was sperm up her ass , And you were called in for genetic testing And this was your sperm ,I would say the atty could justify 25k , then I would say she likes to take it up the @ But it is more likely that this did not happen Or you would not have bailed out and wouldn't be posting and the judge would not have dropped the PO , GET IT !! the judge already doesn't believe it, or you would be down doing genetic testing [ CALM DOWN ] aND START making your best move next ,and that move is to talk to atty's , the night in jail means nothing . The police just believed her . I would Ask an atty to check out the police report etc, well before I ever gave any atty 25 K , This will be likely to be dropped by the prosecuter ,If there is no report from the rape clinic or hospital , The first question that You atty will be likely to ask during cross examination is ," did you go to a hospital and is there a report from the hostpital?
If you want to pay 25K for that then go ahead , I bet thats all the atty will do the other thing he can do is get the reports , And depose her stupid ass , thats it , Again I have been through this and , I hate to say this, the judge won't even care that she made this crap up , They will probably not even want to hear it , My Email
[email protected]