I'm presently shopping for an attorney and am considering ADAM, American Divorce Association for Men. Has anyone had experience with ADAM and would you recommend them?
I've heard nothing but bad things. It's a legal corporation.
To find yourself a lawyer who's certified in family law, go to
//www.aaml.org/directory.htm
Where are you located?
I'm in Michigan. Yesterday I had a consultation with ADAM and am now taking joni's advise and looking for an attorney who specialized in this area. I've found several close by and am setting up consultations next week. Must say that ADAM was a little disappointing. They semed more concerned with reducing child support than with giving me ideas on how to gain custody. I'm a single father to be and am going to be seeking custody once my child is born.
Thanks for the guidance joni!
Hi,
I try not to put links that lead away from SPARC, but here's something I posted elsewhere on the subject of finding a good attorney. It discusses my own experiences, what I learned, and how I'd shop for one now.
http://www.custodyiq.com/07202005d.html
Come right back to SPARC (if you take the link), as it's the center of the universe for exhaustive and sound guidance on surviving a child custody conflict.
Consider the fact that perhaps this ADAM knows that for a father to try to fight for custody is a loosing scenario. A ton of peopl etold me that I would not win custody when I fought for it back in 1997 but I did not listen I was under the assumption that the courts were fair that they really had the best interests of our child at heart. Certainly they would not give our child to an adulterer, especially one that 3 affairs in teh last year of our 3 year marriage.
Fact of the matter is that the court system is biased. They are biased because the state makes money off the federal government for collecting child support. The MORE child support they collect the more money the get. Therefore since typically men make more then women, they award women custody and make men pay child support. Only in extreme cases will ajudge grant a father custody. Usually that is if the mother is a proven druf userm, abuser, or alcholic or has abandoned the child in any way.
I will not be very popular here with what I am about to tell you but this is the absolute best advice I can give you at this point. Focus more on getting a shared parenting arrangement ( JOINT PHYSICAL AND LEGAL ) custody as opposed to trying to take the custodial parents role. You would have a much greater chance at winning something like that then becoming the custodial parent. Also in the long run, regardless of your opinions of your ex, it is better for the mental health and well being of your kids to share parenting...there are numerous studies online which support my claims as well.
I do not envy the road before you, but I have faith that in the end thigns will work themselves out one way or another. Get yourself a good lawyer that will really fight for you. Most lawyers are more interested in the money they will make off you, so be aware.
Best wishes
Thanks Chris. I agree that EQUALLY shared custody would be the best for our child. I've drafted a shared parenting plan and plan to present it to my child's mother. However, I don't have high hopes that it will be accepted. If it's not accepted I intend to seek full custody because by her refusal to accept a shared parenting plan demonstrates to me her desire to keep me out, as much as possible, of our childs life.
If we do end up going to court wouldn't my position be stronger by seeking sole custody rather than shared? Be requesting shared custody I'm left with no where to negotiate to.
Your advise and observations are very appreciated.
Hi SD,
If you have the ability to make your case that the child is best served by having sole custody in your home, then that is what you should pursue.
Yet, the very logic you presented (if valid) would argue against you seeking sole custody.
If you think mother's refusal to accept joint custody indicates a necessity that you must have sole, why isn't the reverse true if you demand sole it in court?
That said, you're right that you may wish to ask for more than you want.
You CAN go in, presenting a case that you should have joint custody where the child is with you 60% of the time (and perhaps hoping that the ruling is close to a 50/50 schedule).
This process is not a black or white, all or none process.
The most important thing (as a parent, as well as planning your case), is to always speak in the best interests of the child.
E.g., 60% is best because you've always been the homework helper and school transporter, and continuing that role is important for the child's stability.
That is a very valid argument, though you would never speak in terms of percentages. You'd instead propose a weekly schedule that best serves the child, which in turn will determine the final custodial split (i.e., 50/50, 60/40, 70/30).
But "I want sole because she wants sole" is not strong, in my opinion.
If you instead said, "I want sole because my ex has completely severed my relationship with the child for three months, has hidden her location, has severed all of the child's contact with my family; and her actions demonstrate an intent to completely remove me and extended family from the child's life", that's much different than your ASSUMPTION that her refusal to accept joint parenting indicates her intent to do all that.
I hope I expressed myself clearly on my perspective.... let me know if I didn't or if I should clarify anything (if this post was even of value).
Thanks Q. Your comments are very helpful and help me refine my thinking process. (very difficult when emotions run so high)
ADAM is a franchise and its quality is determined by the lawyers at the particular franchise.
The one in Southfield is full of crooks. However, an attorney named Mark Baily
(an ADAM member) practices in Okemos. He is listed on SPARC as an attorny several people had good dealings with. I have visited him svereal times and plan to use him if things get heavy again.
Thanks for the info. Right in my area too.
First I found an aty that mostly represents men , And they are out there keep asking , He chose to go that way and thats what he seems to specialkise in and has a good reputation
What My atty does , He schedules every case for change of custody , And basically takes you through the system . And explians that It isnt much . Here the court wants a Guardian ad litem report , If you don't need a GAl to chnage custody it will be Because the mother is so messed up there are plain and factual records of it , It won't be likely tto get custody after the child is born , And for there to be a change of custody there has to be a reason
My case was similar wasn't with the mother it was a fling she got pregnant , And In some ways there was no reason for me to have custody , She has a job , and isn't an addict or any thing , Just a terrible liar and trouble maker ,
BUT My atty told me to go for custody . Because he said . What May come opf trial , He was honest about the fact that there really did not seem to be a reason that I would get custody , He said . " Tale it to trial for custody and at the end one of you gets custody and one gets visitation " And matbe something wierd would come out at trial , " So . Nothing wierd cam out at trial , But as he said , I got visits and she has custody , And the out come was no different than if I would have just went for visits > I ran that one passed him , He said " You are going to get about a basic parenting plan " Iehter way .
I did wonder what would have happened if I would have spent more time talking to the judge about more parenting time ,
BUT Once she has custody and there has been a custody decree , Signed by the court , In Washington state < Its pretty much final . Unless there is a real issue , So My two cents is ,
Maybe you could agree to a parenting plan before trial , ASnd there will be no custody decree signed by the court , Then later custody could be heard by the court , But even at that Its unlikely They will change custody . I would interview A lot of atty's And get one that doesn't make It all sound like a huge deal . , And I have a couple atty questions you should put on your list
1 , Do you like to represent men or women more ?
Get one that favors men , Pass the rest up !
2, Do you have any trials comeing up I can watch you at !
This is a question that will tell you if he is a go getter and scheduals for trial [ Wether it setlles out of court or not )
But atty is not afraid of trial
And He should be confident enough to say you could watch him at trial . Or hearings ,
If you can go watch him at a trial , Its pretty plain at trial , I have watched a few , And a dipshit for an atty at trial is not the one you want , Because he will be soft at settlement , You want an atty that is not afraid of trial , That way he won't settle for less than what you could get at trial !!!
That is very important , to have an atty that won't take less than you can get !
And I recomend before you even go to hire an atty go watch a few family law trials at the court , And what I saw out of three trials were One Atty , wasn't always necessarily better , But made clear points and his questions had a direction as to the end result being good for his client ,
I guess what stikes me as the better atty is the ones that have specific points ,
I think one atty I watched tried to bore us all to sleep , Including the judge , And The atty I hired , Was the one that hadd good points , And a direction , I spoke to this atty , And he said you go to trial with the case that you have and it could be a strong argument or weak , But you also go to trila with what may result as far as examination and cross examination .
And what you will be able to see when you interview atty's is wether they blow smoke up Your @$$ , Because trial is not some Parry mason movie . Its pretty plain . A little boring , And straight forward . If I had any advice that I stree the most before hireing an atty is go watch a few trials . Most likely you will only have time to watch parts , But the likely thing id you will see a couple of impressive atty's . And thenGet their card and If they can't work for you ask if they know any other GOOD atty's