I have a 16 mth boy and I have not spoke to the father since I was 5 months pregnant. He has never tried to contact me, nor have I him. I have been scared to collect support in the fear that he would feel obligated or have rights to this child that he obviously doesn't care about. I think I am past the being scared part, and am wondering if anyone has suggestions on what to do. God knows I fully support my baby w/out any help whatsoever and would gladly take child support. But, I don't want him around. Can rights be terminated and still collect? HELP! Thanks! Brandi
If you go for child support then he can ask for visitation. The court will not terminate rights unless there is a good reason. Even is some severe cases, supervised visitation is offered. You will have to make a personal decision on this one. If he is not violent or into drugs then maybe having you go for child support will start the bond that your son should have with his father if at all possible. Good luck!
Thank you very much!
>Thank you very much!
But, if it is an instance where a judge would terminate his rights, can child support still be collected?
Yes it can be until someone adopts the child...but in order for that to happen. On for his rights to be ended he has to attest to paternity or it needs to be established in some way. They will not simply take your word for it and since you were not married his rights are not assumed. At this point it sounds like he could say that he wasn't there because he didn't know if the child was his or not ect ect. Please know that with trying to terminate his parental rights you will be opening a large can of worms...one that should have already been opened. Your child has a right to know his father unless he is a threat to the child. Tread carefully over the coming months because the decisions you make now will impact your relationship with your child for the rest of your lives.
Yea thats it, go ahead and try to have his Parental reights temanated! For sure!
What does your child need a Dad for anyway? As long as YOU get that FREE money every month right? How many more golden eggs do you plan a laying?
Give me a break!!
>I have a 16 mth boy and I have not spoke to the father since
>I was 5 months pregnant. He has never tried to contact me, nor
>have I him. I have been scared to collect support in the fear
>that he would feel obligated or have rights to this child that
>he obviously doesn't care about. I think I am past the being
>scared part, and am wondering if anyone has suggestions on
>what to do. God knows I fully support my baby w/out any help
>whatsoever and would gladly take child support. But, I don't
>want him around. Can rights be terminated and still collect?
>HELP! Thanks! Brandi
Until paternity is established he is under no obligation to do anything. Once paternity is established, he has the same rights and obligations you do.
What is the reason that you don't want him around your child! I would give ANYTHING for my ex to be a father to our daughter!
Don't you think that your baby deserves a father?
Just wondered what your reasons are.
First of all, you have to have someone who is willing to step in to the open space as Dad - someone who will adopt. If you don't have that, you can't go forward. Is the baby's father listed on the birth certificate at this time? I assume so, but if not, then he doesn't have parental rights, per se. He would actually have to establish his paternity to get them.
In many states, you can terminate rights purely because of either 6 months or a year of no contact and no support. Obviously, tho, you couldn't also collect support (well, it is possible if it's a voluntary agreement on his part to terminate so someone can adopt in his place that he might also agree to pay some level of support, but it doesn't sound like it will go that way). If you want support, then yes, you have to go through CSE and yes he *might* want to exercise his rights as a parent to visitation and contact. More likely the first thing he will do is challenge paternity, so you will have to go through the test (no big deal, really, and he should pay for it). But the fact is he is the child's father and unless he is a really horrible person, he should get a chance to BE a father. (I'm a father's rights gal, can you tell?) What have you done to let him know of his child's birth etc?
She said that she hadn't spoken to him since she was 6 mo pregnant...there is no way that paternity has been established or anything! He probably doesn't even know the babies name or what it feels like to look him in the eyes (an act that could change alot on his side). I feel so sad for the little one, he is not even being given a chance to know who his father could be!
I am rambleing, and I know that I am emotional today...it is just a sad sad situation!
My OSS was the product of a similar type situation. BM got pg when she was 18 or so by someone she didn't really know so she went away to have the baby and never put the Dad's name on the bc (back then I guess it wasn't a felony to pretend you didn't know). Then DH came along and he put his name on there, basically adopting the kid. He was the only father OSS actually knew but eventually they had to tell him the truth. Questions about who his father really was really haunted him emotionally - as they haunt any child. I am sure BM felt she was doing the right thing at the time - esp in the sense that she didn't want the hassle of building a relationship with someone she and OSS barely knew and the way in which she got pg wasn't exactly a loving relationship - but the impact on OSS was really really hard. I think it's important to be able to at least have a couple of photos around, contact info and the ability to say "Look, son, your father and I tried to make it work and it didn't, but if you want to find him, here is where to look." But I agree with you - he should be given an honest chance to know his child.
My ex is a total jerk and doesn't support our DD, but she has ALWAYS had a picture of him and her (when she was a baby) in her room.
I always tried to tell her about her father. When she would eat some kind of food that he liked to eat, I would tell her that. When she would do something and make an expression that was like him, I would tell her that. I wanted her to know that she had a father and what he was like. Unfortunately, after 15 years of her father ignoring her, she has formed her own opinion of him and really doesn't care if she ever sees him again. I am STILL trying my best to get them together, but he doesn't seem to want to cooperate.
It's very sad!!! I have such a GREAT father, that I really feel sorry for DD that she doesnt' have one!!!!
from the state of CA that it's O.K. for a single mom not to list a dad.
BUT then when she wants benefits then there has been another law passed more recently that forces the mom to declare a dad in order to get that (and I'm thinking it was the food stamp people that told me that here in AL).
In NJ if you apply for any type of welfare, you HAVE to name the father of the children. Then the state goes after the father for the CS (the CS would go to the welfare agency to pay back the welfare).
I know here in PA to get any kind of assistance you have to declare the father and go after a support order. They do this because it is the states belief that it is the fathers obligation to support the child before the state does.
I really don't even think it is an issue of him being on the BC though, although it would have to be declared before she could terminate his rights...the issue to me is that he has not been given the chance to be a father. I grew up without my daddy...by his choice...and I would never want my children to go through that. It may be "easier" without him in the picture or whatever...but if a mother doesn' even try to have the father in the picture there is no one for that child to blame but her. I can look at my mother and know that she gave my father every oppertunity to see myself and my sister. I can look at my mother and know that she went out of her way to keep us in contact with his family. I can look at my mother and be proud because she tried to not have us be fatherless...and at the same time I can look at my father and be ashamed that he took the "easy way" and walked away without looking back. Who does her child have to be proud of when he is old enough to wonder who his real daddy is and why he doesn't know him?