I will make this simple & to the point right now, but I'll be glad to elaborate as much as necessary. Don't hesitate to ask.
I filed for custody of 10 yr old son & contempt charges against ex-wife. She is retaliating in numerous ways.
She has gotten a temp restraining order (pending court date in 8 days) by making completely false allegations against me.
How do I defend myself against totally made-up incidents and accusations? Since she has no regards for honesty or truth, what will stop her from doing this over and over again? Is there anything I can do other than deny everything and hope they believe me over her?
Please respond with any comments, experiences, questions,....anything would be helpful at this point!
LittleBit's Dad
Are there police reports or incidents that support her charges in the restaining order affidavit?
Also, speak with your local DA about false allegations. Ours was willing to file criminal suit against bm on her 3rd offense. (Had 2, so asked him what he would do if she did it again). THEN i told her what DA said, and he specifically told me he would ask for a minimum of 90 days in jail. She has been as close to an angel as she can be since (at least regarding false allegations).
I suggest you look up this avenue, as every time you have a dispute, she WILL do this, btdt! Good luck!
>How do I defend myself against totally made-up incidents and
>accusations?
Start here:
Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm
Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm
TGB's Newsletter - Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm
False Accusations of Physical and Sexual Abuse
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/abuse.htm
Also, keep records of your activities and time with the children. Sometimes a note can help you show that you weren't where your ex claims you were (and therefore couldn't have done what she is claiming). Keep records of time with your kids as well as where you were, who you were with, etc.
One of the first things you'll hear is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is important, and some of these pages will help get you started. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is better.
Protecting Yourself During Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/protect.htm
How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm
Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm
Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm
No reports, just calls for the police to come....
I came to her house at regular scheduled time to pick up son for weekend. I did not get out of car (never do) and her husband came out and said "You will not be getting son, so leave now." "I have driven 50 miles, can I at least talk to him?" "No. Get off my property" ---- Those are the ONLY words exchanged!
I leave and go to police station 2 blocks away. Meanwhile, she has already called police. They come to her house & her & husband say I was beligerent, threatened them, and said something threatening to thier neighbor as I drove away.
Police didn't do any reports. Just say to go back to court.
I came again the next weekend to pick up son for spring break as the court order states....exact same scene except I back out of driveway and wait for police to arrive. They make up lies, I deny them, policeman says he can do nothing for either of us, go back to court.
thanks for the links
This is good advice. I will do that if/when court rules in my favor. Until then, my fingers are crossed!
Thanks!
Same exact thing happened to my DH.
We filed for custody and she filed a bogus TRO just to prevent custody.
We went to court and showed judge that there was not a problem until we filed for custody, he checked the dates saw that she filed after we filed and yelled at her and threw it out. It happenes all the time we were told.
Can you show that things were ok prior to filing?
This is a very common practice as soon as the papers are filed. I think the Judges are wisey up. Just when the Daddy wants some time and rights for his kids, this is the next move. Ex uses it to better their position in court.
I read that 75% try to pull this. Just keep your nose clean and always take the high road. Things do have a way of catching up.
Get a Time Tracker and keep very good documents, bring someone you can trust with you for the pick ups. Bring a camara. If you have a Court Order, I would think the Police would have to get involved. As soon as your time is refused, go down and file a Police report. Have a copy of your CO with you. Most States have a clause that can be added for more Police involvement for your Parenting Time. Check your State Statues.
GOOD LUCK, been there, done that...
"Children learn what they live"
I would also suggest this, called "Cover your Butt":
Have a friend/relative follow you at pick up time, park half a block away and video tape the entire transaction. Let them call the police, then show the cops what REALLY happened, (or in your case, what didn't happen). Then file false police report.
No problem there. I have records of every time she refused my time with son in the past four years. She has never had any problems or non-cooperativeness with me, and there have been no police reports or calls until after I filed.
Your insight makes me feel a bit better. Still feel like I'm sitting on a grenade, but at least the pin is back in now.;-)
Thanks
LittleBit's Dad
The TRO was thrown out this morning! I actually came out with more than I went in with! Oh there is a God!
The judge ordered the RO lifted, the visitaion remains the same, and that the pick up & drop off of our son is to continue to happen at a neutral location.
Now here's the good part --- The judge also ordered that my son is to have unlimited access to call me anytime! In addition, I have an appointed time once a week to call him, and judge made it clear to ex that she was to have him home and available at that time no matter what!
I know it seems small, and in the big picture in probaly is, but WOW what a relief!
In the past 11 months, and over 100 attempts, I have been able to reach my son on the phone THREE times, and he even got spanked for calling me once .... then the PBFH files a ficticous RO against me, and the only thing that changes is that I get court ordered weekly phone calls!!! I love it!!
Just wanted to share my elation with everyone. Thanks again for all the support here!
LittleBit's Dad
I am still waiting for my court hearing on a bogus RO.
Congrats! ANOTHER CHILD WINS!
"Children learn what they live"