I have been divorced for about three years now and I remember when I was going through it, I told Dawn (my ex) that I would drop the custody fight if she would sign in the decree that she would never leave the area and take Mickayla (my daughter) away. That never happened and guess what she is planning on doing in June. I live in Des Moines, Iowa and she is planning on moving to Ohio. I got myself a lawyer and filed for custody. Our pretrial conference is scheduled for April 30. I guess I am just looking for every abailable suggestion and piece of advice that I can get my hands on because I am scared to death that I am going to lose this and my visitation schedule (6 days out of every 14) will be shattered. I also read something about getting a temporary restraining order to prevent her from taking Mic out of the state. I know that Iowa would let her go at any time if she wants to. (why the hell do we even bother with the divorce decree if it doesn't hold any water anyway?) Does anyone know if this would be a good idea or even possible?
Any help and/or information is greatly appreciated. I just feel like I need to do more and I don't know what that would be.
Thank You
Gregg
Just my opinion of course, BUT if it states in the divorce decree she cannot move the child out of the state, I'd say you have a very good case. Of course the ex can move.
Sounds like you have a good case to gain custody if she does move.
Do you have an attorney? I would think since she has told you she is moving you can get a restraining order to NOT move the child.
I would definately file the RO before she moves out of state.
Good luck
What you are going to need to prove,, is that the move will be detrimental to your childs relationship with you. You may need further to prove that the move isnt going to accomplish anything that couldnt be accomplished where your ex currently is,, ie, same jobs, opportunities.
Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm
How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm
Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm
Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm
Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm
Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm
One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.
Gregg,
Interestingly enough, I'm from Des Moines, now living in CA and my wonderful ex was just successful in moving with my three small children from here in CA to Cedar Rapids. I now see them 9% of the time.
Here are some basic things you should do.
Make sure your attorney is the best damn attorney you can afford. He/she should have as much experience as possible in family law. If you aren't confident in your attorney, get another one. I don't care how much it costs. Expensive doesn't ensure a good attorney, but inexpensive usually does ensure a mediocre attorney.
Don't ever agree to anything in which you must count on your ex doing something out of the kindness of her heart. I did this and it might have cost me my children. For example, I agreed to a visitation schedule that I really wasn't happy with (not enough time) and hoped that after awhile my ex would not be as angry and then I'd be able to get more time with the kids. That was at the advice of my attorney. I fired that attorney.
Do as much research as you can about the laws in IA. I was just there last month and there's a lot of activity right now in the legislature about custody. The Register ran several articles the week I was there. Help your attorney help you. In my case, I did a LOT of the 'grunt' work. Research, writing, etc. and he added his 30 years of experience.
I had a great attorney but I got him too late to change the tide. I stuck with a bad attorney for too long because I was afraid to switch after things started. My new attorney, as good as he was, was not able to overcome the mistakes that had been made before he was involved. Point is, fight like hell. I don't know if she has the advantage but the chances are, she does. You need to fight like she does have the advantage. The court will not afford you any favors or slack.
Good luck.
j
Here's a link you might want to check out. If you are uncertain whether your atty. will fight hard enough for you, Mark might be able to line you up with one that will in the DSM area.
http://www.cnbp.info/
Also, the TRO against your daughter moving is the right thing to do, especially if you've got no move-aways in the original order. Mind you, there's NOTHING stopping your ex from moving. She can move whereever and whenever she wants. It's your CHILD who cannot move at will. not without JOINT agreement of the parents.
Because it is in your original order, I think you have a good shot at this. BTW, I'm due east of you by about 120 miles........
I'm really glad I read this post. theres good information that I could keep in mind to help with my situation. It's hard for me to think of any advice on this one because just the thought of my ex leaving the state with my kids ..... is to tough. Just wanted to say good luck and go Raiders!!! Hopefully she wont move and you will continue to enjoy the 6 out of 14 with Mickayla. By the way-- I like that name. My daughters name is Brianna--- she'll be 8 May 26th
First of all, I just want to thank all of you for your information, time, and support. It sounds like I'm not even close to being alone in this area. I guess that helps a little, but it is ridiculously sad that this many of us are familiar with the situation. There are some good links to get me started and I wanted to thank you for them.
Also, just to clarify, in the original decree it is NOT stated that she can't move away with Mickayla. I wanted that put in, but my lawyer obviously didn't think that was important. He is fired. I have a lot more confidence in my new lawyer, although I have only met with him once. (A week after our first meeting he had a triple bypass, but he is back on the case now.) And I hope a lawyer's fees DO directly correlate to their competence, because he is making a fortune off me.
Wow, sorry. I got off topic a little.
I was wondering if anyone could guide me in the direction of a good site for viewing the current custody laws. I must not be looking in the right place because I haven't really found much for current law.
Since there were no restrictions in the original decree, other than my visitation will be totally screwed, does she have the right to take Mickayla whenever she wants without a restraining order?
I don't know how much a difference it makes, but my ex is getting married in June and her new victim moved to Ohio for a higher paying job. This is the reason for the move.
Sorry I was kind of all over the map here but there are so many questions that I have. It's hard enough thinking about her moving away only one month from now, but what if there were something I could have done to prevent it but didn't know about it in time? That would absolutely kill me.
tjraid18: Thanks for the Raider shout. I love the Robert Gallery pick. You wouldn't happen to know where he played, would you?...
Well, I have a lot of links to check out and God willing some answers to find. Thanks to all of you again. I can't express the appreciation with this keyboard (it doesn't cry).
http://www.legis.state.ia.us/IACODE/2003SUPPLEMENT/XV.html
Under '598' you will find the statutes on custody and support. Even tho there's nothing in you order that specifically states she cannot move with the child w/o agreement, her wanting to do so creates what's called a 'significant change of circumstance', what is required to file for modification. This is 'significant' because for her to do so would 'significantly' impact your time with your daughter.
If you need any other info, just ask. I can usually dig it up somewhere!
The Raiders couldn't have done any better! I've seen Gallery play right across the street from where I work, at Kinnick Stadium! He's a good old Iowa boy and making us proud! Did you know he got a $15 MILLION sign-on bonus? Got a feeling he will be back here to do some good deeds, just like Tim Dwight (Chargers) has been. Go Hawkeyes!
>her wanting to do so creates what's called a 'significant change
>of circumstance', what is required to file for modification.
>This is 'significant' because for her to do so would
>'significantly' impact your time with your daughter.
>
You need to research this thoroughly and talk to your attorney. I want to stress that I don't know what the code and case laws in Iowa say, but in CA, a significant change of circumstances is what's required for the court to even listen to a request for a change of custody (after an initial custody determination has been made). The burden is still on the non-custodial parent to prove that a change is necessary to prevent detriment to the child. Translated from legal-ease to English, this means the custodial parent (usually mom) can move to Tibet if she wants to. In CA, if you don't have sole physical or at the very least joint physical custody, you don't have @#*!.
I hope its different in Iowa. That's why its so important the you read case law and talk to your attorney.
j
Gregg...
I'm in CA also and I was just going, well still am going though, a custody issues with my sons father. I had no knowledge of anything on how/where to begin or how to go about getting custody/support order started. I live in Solano County, not sure wher you are, but the courts have what they call a "facilitator"who has an office in the courthouse and he/she can give you some advice and help you with what you should do next. It worked for me. Good luck....... Yvette
Hey Gregg, I'm glad to see your getting some good solid advice from other people here. As far as the raiders-- I know this is probably for another web-site but I can probably tie it in to this one. I was born in Oakland but find the older I get the less I know about the stats and goings on with my team. I did hear something about Warren Sapp signing. Is that true? I have been a LOYAL raider fan all my life and cant help but wonder what would happen if parents were a little more loyal to each other (at least when it comes to the children). It's an epidemic and your not alone. I just hope things get better quicker for the childrens sake. My opinion is taking a child from a parent is like taking an arm or leg from that child. Or worse, like taking half of their heart.(except in cases of abuse). Keep eveybody posted and good luck!!!
Gregg,
This will get you to a tremendous amount of information about IA statutes and case law. There will likely be key cases in Iowa that you need to understand. This is the place to find them.
http://www.findlaw.com/11stategov/ia/laws.html
Also, you need to make sure your attorney knows the facts of these important cases. Some attorneys just know what the cases are about and the principals they establish. But its important that an attorney (and you, for that matter) know that facts so that you can either apply a case that favors you, or differentiates your case from one that hurts you. You must read them to do that.
Jim
Gregg,
I just received this. This is what I was referring to when I said things are happening in IA right now. Its a posting from a Yahoo forum.
[ DADS in FAMILY COURT Moderator notes...
IOWA HF 22, (AWARDING OF JOINT PHYSICAL CARE OF A CHILD)
which creates a PRESUMPTION of shared joint physical care
has been passed by both houses and awaits the determination
of Governor Vilsack.
It reads in part:
"Section 598.41, subsection 5, Code 2003, is amended to read
as follows: 5. a. If joint legal custody is awarded to
both parents, the court may award joint physical care to both
joint custodial parents upon the request of either parent.
If the court denies the request for joint physical care,
the determination shall be accompanied by specific findings
of fact and conclusions of law that the awarding of joint
physical care is not in the best interest of the child."
For complete text, and legislative history, see
http://www.legis.state.ia.us/GA/80GA/Legislation/HF/00000/HF00022/Current.html
and also
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dadsinfamilycourt/message/3526
WHO STANDS in OPPOSITION to this sensible legislative bill?
Predictably, the STATE BAR ASSOCIATION.
Why? As Larry Yates recently wrote, it's quite obvious:
"Win, lose or draw, it doesn't matter, each of those attorneys
are going to get paid and the longer the battle, the more motions
that are filed and the more appeals that are made, means that they
get paid just that much more."
But let's see what absurdity the Bar has to offer the Governor... _______]
----------------------------
Kevin H. Collins, President
THE IOWA STATE BAR ASSOCIATION
115 Third Street, S.E., Suite 500
PO Box 2107
Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52406-2107
(319) 365-9461 FAX (319) 365-8564
e-mail:
[email protected]April 26, 2004
The Honorable Tom Vilsack
Governor of Iowa
State Capitol
1007 East Grand Avenue
Des Moines, IA 50319
RE: HF 22 Joint Physical Care
Dear Governor Vilsack:
On behalf of all Iowans, I respectfully urge you to veto HF 22 –
Joint Physical Care.
At its meeting on April 16, 2004, the Family Law Section of the Iowa
State Bar Association considered the Act, formerly known as HF 22,
which has been passed by both houses and awaits your determination.
The Family Law Section voted unanimously, except for one member, to
recommend a veto of this legislation. The committee's view is that
the Act creates a passive presumption of shared joint physical care
and that passive presumption is not consistent with the standards of
best interest of a child.
The best interest of a child is essentially a legal question
of "what does this child need and how can these parents contribute
to this child's needs?" By creating a presumption of joint physical
care, there is an implied idea that a child is a calendar. Physical
care is in reality an award of the right to maintain a child's
primary residence. Certainly a child needs two parents after
divorce. Joint physical care does not assure that right in any
particular regard. Where parents are able to maintain two primary
residences, consistent schedules, shift the quantity of time between
homes as a child's needs, activities and stages of development
require, shared physical care certainly is a good option for parents
who have good communications.
Shared physical care ought to be an option that the courts should
approve if reached by agreement between the parents. There was a
concern under current judicial practice that judges were rejecting
joint physical care even though the parents had agreed. The Family
Law Section believes that a parenting plan which provides for joint
physical care ought to be approved by the court unless a court finds
it contrary to the best interest of a child to order shared physical
care.
HF 22 created a passive presumption of joint physical care. This
does not allow the court to inquire appropriately into the best
interests of a child and make a good determination based on a careful
fact review.
The Family Law Section and the ISBA urges a veto of this bill.
You should be aware that the Family Law Section intends to take up a
careful review of parenting plans and the appropriateness of joint
physical care and, hopefully, make recommendations to the 2005
legislative session.
This legislation is not beneficial to Iowans and I urge your veto.
Very truly yours,
KEVIN H. COLLINS
khc (at) shuttleworthlaw.com
KHC:mwk
_____________________________
[ Did he really mean to say...
"This legislation is not beneficial to Iowan attorneys..."
for assuredly he does NOT speak on behalf of the children in Iowa. ]