i have had a baby with a married man, he now wants to get joint custody of this child whom is 5 months old and have his wife take care of her while he is at work (he works grave yard) he has seen the baby 5 times and refuses to come by himself for visitation. how can i get custody of this baby since i have been the main person in her life .
Do you have joint physical or legal custody.
Joint lega means that each parent has a saw in education, medical etc decisions.
What does the visitation order state?? Does dad get the child everyother weekend etc and if not why not.
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
NO ORDER AS OF YET.WE ARE GOING TO MEDIATION TOMORROW. AND I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH OF A RIGHT DO I HAVE.
HE PRETTY MUCH COMES DOWN WHEN HE HAS TIME OFF OR WHEN SHE IS AVAILABLE TO COME WITH HIM. HE HAS SEEN HER A TOTAL OF 5 TIMES.
ONLY ONCE BY HIMSELF(THAT WAS JUST A DOCTORS VISIT HE TOOK HER TOO AND THEN WENT HOME)
Ok dear, please do not 'yell' (caps is yelling)
First off you were not married, he has no rights untill the court orders them. In which case he will need to sign an afidavit of paternity and/ or get a paternity test (highly recomended) .
The best case is 50/50 joint. There are sample parenting plans here on this site that you can use and adapt to your needs.
How far do you live from each other? Can you co-parent decently?
Standard visitation is every other weekend or 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends and a few hours in the week.
OK then the matter of him coming alone, that is not advisable for either party unless you know no acusations will be sent either way. It may also be because his wife does not trust him alone.
At the mediation, be fair above all else. Same as you would want done to you.
Good luck, let us know how it goes :)
where is the sample or how do i get to the parenting plans? he has not seen her for more than 4 hours at a time so how can they give him overnight visitation?
also he lives about 2 1/2 to 3 hours from me and she has never been there.
my son started going with his dad at 5 months, he had NEVER seen his child father and he got the normal every other weekend with alternating holidays, this is pretty normal.
You can suggest parenting classes for both parents, you can ask for meeting 1/2 point.
As for sample parenting plans, go the to resource section and do a search, it will bring them up.
Remember to be fair to yourself, the dad and most of all the child.
:)
i am hoping she gets to know him before the overnight visitation .
You can ask for that in mediation, but with the distance that will be very hard...
You can put it as say 10 am to 8 pm every other sat.. for 2 months for the child to get to know him. Then expand from there to overnights. Either way he will be able to get them. It is just a matter of you trying to work with him to ease into the overnights or the court ordering it to be done automatically, decide which will work best for all of you and go from there.
i have to try and work it around his graveyard schedule. so hopefully it will work out. i just don't want to put her in a situation that she is not comfortable in until she bonds with him.
Remember to keep in mind that it is much easier for a baby to adapt to new surroundings etc then if they are older.
Kiddos suggestions were very good.
:)
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
Direct links to SPARC parenting plans
Avoiding Parenting Plan Mistakes
Sample Parenting Plan (Comprehensive)
Interstate / Long-Distance Joint Custody Parenting Plan
Suggested Parenting Plan Stipulations
Direct links to SPARC parenting plans
Avoiding Parenting Plan Mistakes
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplanmistakes.htm
Sample Parenting Plan (Comprehensive)
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan4.htm
Interstate / Long-Distance Joint Custody Parenting Plan
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan7.htm
Suggested Parenting Plan Stipulations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan1.htm
This may be a no-go, but maybe you could go with the baby for the first few overnights and sleep on the couch or something. When my son first started daycare, I stayed there with him all day for the first 2 days. I think it helped my peace of mind way more than his. Anyway, if this lady is willing to care for a child her hubby created while cheating, then maybe she won't have a problem with you helping your baby ease into this new situation?
Also, I think such a young child will adapt to this way easier than an older one, so if you are not able to accompany the baby for the first few nights, it should still be alright.