Still praying for your family.
:)
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
We were wondering the same thing!! Actually I had asked someone else that posts here the same question earlier today in an email.
And we are still praying too!
Fingers and toes still crossed! -Noso
Thoughts and prayers your way
I realize I have not been on much of late. I am dealing with mum's new and bizarre behaviors on a daily basis. We are still waiting on word from the judge. It has been about 30 days but in Arizona it can take at least 60 days before one gets any kind of rulings although even at that time it is somewhat difficult to push the judge to hurry up and usually is not a good idea to boot. I have continued my dialogue with court appointed psychologist to try and figure out how to deal best with mum. He thinks a Family Court Advisor (FCA) would be helpful because they would not allow mum to do what she is doing. However in the next breath he says that one cannot negotiate with a borderline like my child's mother so I am not sure what to think.
I took my daughter to soccer this last weekend as I had her. Mum of course did not show up which was really good and bad. Good because it meant no confrontation but bad because my daughter wanted her to be there to support her. She did not even pick up her phone after the game so my child could tell her how great she did at the game. It is sad when her disease prevents her from enjoying in her child's accomplishments but that may be a major leap from where we are today if I think about it with a clear head.
Mum did take my child out of school last week to see the therapist who stated in court that she was done. More of the same of course but the part that pissed me off was that she took her out of a school day to do it when she had been told repeatedly by all parties not to do so. I guess the therapist is not blameless because she should have known not to do that either if she really was thinking of my daughter's welfare as her first & foremost priority. I guess we know what is in her head don't we? My attorney has written to the GAL & mum's counsel to try and get some movement on some of the more pressing issues that mum refuses to talk about like educational activities etc. but so far no word which is probably not that surprising given mum's demeanor of late.
The upcoming Halloween holiday is turning out to be quite a problem. Mum has announced that she will make unilateral change to the custody calendar if I do not give her what she wants. I am going to hold my position because if I do not she will figure out what it will take to get me to back down in the future. Dr. T says that this is part of the disease and I just need not to dialogue with her about it and do it. This may mean we have to get the police involved in a civil standby role to deal with the custodial interference. I think mum belives I will not do it but the time for backing down is not now. I wish she would think of her child first and not her desire to hurt me.
I will try to revisit the board more often and as SOON as I have word from the court one way or another I will post.
AUSSIE OUT
Thanks for the update and so you know......you and your presious little one are in our prayers daily!!
Thank you for your kind words. This process has been hard on my little girl and me. I came to this board originally just to share my story and I think I found something more than what I had expected. I am sorry that I have put you all on hold but this is justice Arizona style. I am of the belief that mum will continue to dig more holes and throw more dirt and it will ONLY stop when our judge says enough is enough. The interesting thing is that mum still refuses to accept that she is not well. However when I raised the issue with the court appointed psychologist he simply said that I needed to accept that she may never accept it and she may never get well. That is truly sad for my little girl and means that the road ahead will be a long and winding one for me.
Sorry to the Fab4 from the Mother County for that horrible use of their great words.
AUSSIE OUT
I agree. Doesn't the mother have any family who can intervene....or are they all as sick as she is and are in denial, too? I mean, if she goes too far (off the deep end, so to speak), she can be held by an involuntary committment for like up to 72 hours, then it goes before a judge (family, friends, doctors involved with inv. comm.) to decide whether it needs to be extended or the patient agrees to treatment on their own. I know in CA, it's called a 5150.....I don't know what it's called in other states.
Hi Aussie
I hate to even ask, but are you worried that if the decision is in your favor, mum will grab your daughter and just run? Any precautions you can take?
That would be so horrible....
Aussie we will continue to pray for your family and mum.
:)
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
Good question Kitty.
I think that if truth be told that the problem probably started with mum's parents. They are an average couple who probably did not and do not have a great marriage and while their daughter felt that they had a perfect home life the evidence now appears to present this in a contrary light. Dad has a more than passing interest in hard core pornography. He writes letter and articles for that type of periodical and the mum is quite proud of him for doing it at least outwardly.
At court mum decided not to put her father on the stand. He has quite a bad temper and cannot disguise his loathing especially of me. The mum is usually more mediated but not at court. She cried and choked back a host of tears and gagging sounds. She claimed she had hated me for many years and that she knew secretly that I was a pedophile. If mum's mum was to be believed I was a prolific masturbator. Of course it begs the question why put up with it for years and say and do nothing and then all of a sudden right after your daughter is found to have multiple personality disorders come out of the closet and make outrageous allegations against the father.
Mum's younger sister is a little odd also. She has a horrible self image and married a Saudi citizen a few years back and now lives behind 2 veils somewhere out in the deserts of Saudi Arabia unable to see her own family. This has driven mum's parents closer to her as they have next to no relationship with daughter #2. The two sisters have similar pathologies if you will. Both overweight, both underachievers, both think they are entitled to something more because of who they are. They are really not so different although my child's mother (the eldest) thinks that she is significantly smarter than the other daughter. She even made some quite rude observations of her sibling in her psychological eval ordered by our judge.
The lesson here I think is that mum's mum wants to help her daughter and she thinks that she is doing the right thing. She is in as much denial as her child and cannot see the wood for the trees which is sad because she is hurting her grandchild whom she claims to love. I think she does but she thinks she is helping the situation when in reality she is so blind to the reality of events that she is causing more hurt. I felt sad for her really because my "average" attorney even made her look like the liar she was. She claimed I dressed my daughter up as a stripper and that she was frightened for her safety. When a parent's love for their child is so great they can direct hate anywhere is the lesson that I learned.
While the court appointed psychologist believes that mum is no danger to the child or herself he does think she is unwell. He cannot find any delusional behavior which is useful for lockdown but tells us that mum is a malicious woman who will stop at nothing to try and make the state prison my new home. I am not sure what this might be in AZ but the reality is the ONLY relief I will get is at the hands of my family court judge whether I like it or not.
AUSSIE OUT
I have reviewed this with my FTC - Mr Tong and my attorney. I have a PI who is at the ready should we get wind of a decision. My attorney is aware of my concern and if we believe that I am going to get a ruling that will irritate mum we are asking that it be made available when I have my child. Clearly I do not want mum going underground. Mr Tong has resources out of country who can assist but in country it would be more difficult to do believe it or not. As unstable as mum is lately this is not such an "out there" question. I have contingency plans to take care of this should mum try to run but no plan in infallible of course.
AUSSIE OUT
Thank you. I am sorry for my tardiness in getting back to you all. I have been working on some related issues tied to my daughter's therapist that make the actions taken by her more explicable. I will likely explain in a separate post or reply to a question about the therapist so it is not taken out of context. Again, thank you for all of your thoughts.
AUSSIE OUT