I am a father of three. The mother of my kids just left me. She is drinking and abusing drugs. She moved in with her mom who deals drugs. I have a safe place to live in another state. Near my family and friends. I have no family or any kind of support network where we are. Can I just take my girls and leave?
Are you married to their mother? Are you listed as the father on their birth certificates? Are you currently employed? Are the kids enrolled in school? What state are you in? More information would be useful.
I don't think you should just up and leave with your kids. You would probably be much better off following protocol and filing for separation (if you're married) and/or an emergency custody order with a request for supervised visitation. Especially if you can prove that she (and the person she is living with) is using drugs.
I would recommend speaking to a few attorneys in your area about your situation, because you haven't given a whole lot of detail here. You should be able to find several who will give a free consultation, so speak to more than one, and compare notes.
I am not married to their mother. I am listed on the birth certificates. I am in Oklahoma. I have a job that can move where ever I move, so I am employed. The kids are not yet in school, their mother and I had planned on home schooling them. They already have a daily lesson plan. The oldest has just turned 4.
I have no way to get to an attorneys office. I am sitting in a hotel with my kids because she threw me out, and can't handle being around them now. My only running car does not have enough seats for me to take the kids with me anywhere, and I can't leave them in the hotel alone....
You said in your previous post that she moved in with her mother... and how did you get yourself and your kids to the hotel if you can't fit everyone in your car? How were you planning on leaving with them?
Something doesn't smell right...
Quote from: gemini3 on Dec 04, 2008, 02:16:07 PM
You said in your previous post that she moved in with her mother... and how did you get yourself and your kids to the hotel if you can't fit everyone in your car? How were you planning on leaving with them?
Something doesn't smell right...
Well my car broke after I had them here. I was staying here for a week or so the kids with me when I was not at work. Car broke on the way to work while kids were at grandmas house. I got a ride to my 2 seat pick up and met up with them at g-mas house. G-ma helped me bring kids to hotel so I could watch them while she and the kids mom work. So here I sit stranded in the hotel with the girls.
I did not come here and ask for help so I could get accused of BS. It is hard enough for me to ask for help to begin with. If this is how I am gonna be treated when I am asking for advice I guess I came to the wrong place. Sorry to waste yer time.
If you don't want to help please don't bother responding. I have enough negative garbage in my life as it is.
If anyone wants to maybe give me any ADVICE I would really appreciate it.
Can you rent a car and go live near your family? I would rent a car, go to family court and ask for temporary custody and the mother threw you and the children out. Once you have that paper...go to your family so they can help you...You will have to come back for court visits if she fights you. Once you are in the new state for 6 months you can have it transferred there....
You can call a few lawyers on the phone for local advice...but since you are not married you do not have legal custody.
Quote from: ocean on Dec 04, 2008, 03:29:16 PM
Can you rent a car and go live near your family? I would rent a car, go to family court and ask for temporary custody and the mother threw you and the children out. Once you have that paper...go to your family so they can help you...You will have to come back for court visits if she fights you. Once you are in the new state for 6 months you can have it transferred there....
You can call a few lawyers on the phone for local advice...but since you are not married you do not have legal custody.
Can't rent a car. stone broke. can't even afford room past tomorrow. I am listed as Father on every piece of paper having anything to do with the kids. Hell, I DELIEVERED my kids. Since I physically have them and I am their father uncontested( we even got dna tests since she was married when we got together. She abandoned her daughter from her first marriage. I guess abandoned is a harsh word. She was being abused and he said if she took the girl he would find her and take her away, so she let his cousin take her daughter. She tried but was unable to get custody back. Does this weigh in my favor?
She told me if I agree to sign a contract promising I would bring them back here after 3-6 months I could take them temporarily to the west coast to meet my family. Should I sign it?
Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it. You're still not making sense - why didn't grandma help you bring the kids home instead of to a hotel?
I did give advice, as did another poster, and you have a reason why nothing will work. What difference does it make if you sign the paper? How are you going to get everyone to the west coast in your 2-seat pick-up with no money anyway?
Well I can't be there because the mother is there. She can't handle the kids right now and is fine with me being in the hotel with the kids as long as we aren't in her way. My father is driving out from his place to pick us up.
I was asking for advice as to whether or not I had the rights to take them out of state. I am afraid that she will say it is ok and then when she is in a different mood get all pissed that I took the girls.
Gemini3 you seem like you already made your assumptions before even offering any help. I am just trying to keep my girls safe. Did it occur to you that I was keeping things a little vague in case she is lurking?
So once again I am in a very hard place emotionally right now and came in search of some answers and maybe a positive word of encouragement. If you have any advice (not negativity) please help.
Quote from: gemini3 on Dec 05, 2008, 04:03:30 AM
Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it. You're still not making sense - why didn't grandma help you bring the kids home instead of to a hotel?
I did give advice, as did another poster, and you have a reason why nothing will work. What difference does it make if you sign the paper? How are you going to get everyone to the west coast in your 2-seat pick-up with no money anyway?
Did you read the first post? Why would I want to have her take my kids into an environment where there are drugs?
As to signing the paper ... it says she gives me permission to take them, isn't that a good idea? I don't want to try and take them without her permission.
Unless you sign that agreement in a court of law, it's not worth the paper it's printed on and will not hold up in court. If she wanted to get really pi$$y about it, she could say you forced her to sign it under duress. She can also go to the authorities and claim you kidnapped them. There's plenty of horror stories/situations I could give you as to why a written agreement just between the two of you is not a good idea.
In some states, it doesn't matter if your name as father is on the birth certificate, you would still have to file a paternity action with the court. You are in an extremely sticky situation, especially without having any financial resources, because in order to take the children out of state legitimately, you need to petition the court. Each state can be different, but generally you would file a paternity action to prove you're the father and a custody petition to determine which parent the kids spend time with and when. You will need an atty. for this, unless you think you can do this alone, which I do not suggest.
I hate make your 'rain cloud' into a thunderstorm, but unless there's some way she signs the kids over to you WITH the court's agreement, you are really stuck unless you have the financial means to initiate everything in court yourself.
We have only been in this state 2 months. We lived for the whole of the kids lives until 2 months ago in wisconsin. She decided to move here knowing I had no family here, and against my wishes. If we both agree on all the terms on the agreement and both sign it in front of a witness from each of our familys would that give me any legal standing? What if it we sign it in front of a notary?
If you haven't lived there 6 months, then the kids are not residents of that state. Don't quote me on this, but I think at least you can move back to Wisconsin. Look online, there are usually free law advice from LAWYERS! I would get out of there either way, it is a bad situation. Go to Winsconsin and file from there!
Witnesses and notaries make no difference.......if it isn't signed off by a judge, it's not legal and any good atty. or conniving ex can shoot holes right through it.
Legally, a parent can take the children whereever they want absent a court order preventing removal from a particular jurisdiction. Generally speaking such behavior is frowned upon especially if you are a Father. It is helpful concerning any future legal endeavors if you can show you are functioning in a way to protect and provide for the needs of the children.
There is no need for you to obtain permission from the other parent but I would suggest you get a notorized "acknowledgement" that the other parent is aware of the location and living arrangement of the children. CYA if possible to show you did not just abscound with the kids. Keep the communication line open with the other parent at all times and ALWAYS TAKE THE BEST CARE POSSIBLE OF THE CHILDREN and NEVER block access or commmunication with the other parent.
The worst thing that can happen to the children is to become wards of the state and they are at risk if neither parent (or family) is able to care for the children. Be absolute in all your decisions and have a plan to facilitate for the care of the children.
It is best to document in detail any and all actions or behavior that led to this situation. Starting NOW.
The 6 month residency rule is true when 'contested'.