SPARC Forums

I need help to know what to do next.!! I have a beautiful 7 yr old daughter...who is living only 4 blocks away, with her completly derranged father.  He is a total text book cae of P.A.S.- all I want isd to see my child !!!

OK, first things first. PAS is not what the parent does, but what the child does as a result of alenating tactics or Hostile agressive parenting. The other parent may be exhibiting hostile agressive parenting, or allowing family members to behave badly in front of the children. Some kids can combat it. Others cannot. Your child will learn to survive and her behaviors toward you will not necessarily exemplify how she really feels. HA parents often make their children undergo loyalty tests. I know, I was the child of a hostile agressive parent. I was alienated from my father. I engaged in PAS in order to survive in the house of my mother.

If you don't have a firm parenting plan which outlines the times and days you have physical custody, you are without your best tool. You cannot combat HAP without spending one on one time with your child. When it is your time to have your parenting time, go get your child. Show up, use police assist if you must, bring along your court order, and get the child. If you don't go to get the child, you cannot prove to your child or to a court of law, that you were prevented from seeing your child. Even if the other parent says you cannot have them, the fact that you show up will make a difference to your child.

If your parenting plan does not spell out specific times for you to see your child, go back for a "clarification" of that order.

Take every second your order says you can have. Your child is 7; she has no choice in whether or not to see you.