Hello to all. I live in NY and my question is concerning my 16 yo daughter TJ. At the age of 15 she became pregnant and her mother allowed her to drop out of school without finishing the 9th grade. As it stands right now, there have been no plans or decisions made for her to attend any type of night school or tutoring beyond the one she was provided with during pregnancy. Since the tutor stopped, TJ has not attented any classes. I have pretty much given up on this school year as it was too late for her to catch up, the baby was born in August. My question is are there any grounds that I can set stipulations for her return to school even though she is 16 and has some legal right in our state to drop out of school short of emancipation (something I will not consider or do).
My court order is basic in that it covers mainly financial and visitation, I never envisioned one of my children not finishing school. So there are no references to schooling or the like. Also, since becoming pregnant, TJ has also chosen to avoid me at all costs, at one point I had not spoken to nor seen her for over a year even though I still spent time with her younger sister. This was by her choice along with her mother's coersion but since the birth she has sporadically spoken with me. Are there any grounds with which I can proceed to have her required to return to school as I fear for her ability to care for herself and her child as she gets older without at least a fundamental education?
What are your state's laws regarding mandatory schooling? Usually it's either through a certain grade or age. Here in IA it is 16, with an exemption to the Amish who only allow their children to go through the 8th grade. There is talk about raising the age to 18 or graduation, whichever comes first.
Depending on what your state law is regarding truancy, the BM may be liable, since the child lives with her and it would be her responsibility to make sure she gets to school. I don't know how large or small a community the child lives in, but in my county deputies are known for rousting kids out of bed and personally escorting them to school! That is, when parents have done everything they possibly can to get the kids to go, short of brute force. I found this out because I almost had to call on the sheriff's office about it one time. I would definitely look into the truancy laws and go from there. Depending on how the jurisdiction handles it, either the school board and/or law enforcement may get involved to resolve it.
Unfortunately truancy laws can't be applied. Here in NY, as with several states that i've found, as long as the custodial parent is aware of and allows/excuses the child from school, there is nothing that the police can/will do. Spoke with district officials, city council and several others on this matter and the answers were the same. There is a program here called PINS much like you mentioned but because she doesn't live with me, I can't legally enforce or implement it. I'm also at a cross roads as to how far I want to push this issue with her for fear of my daughter completely abandoning our relationship but I know how important it is for her to have some form of education, especially being a young mother raising this child alone.
As a side note, I know nothing of the father of the child as my daughter and her mother have refused to speak with me on the matter since her pregnancy. BF of baby is no longer involved to the best of my knowledge and worrying about him or support for the child is moot point as he is most likely young teen also unemployed. Besides, support will not help either my daughter or her baby in the long run as she will need an education to care for the both of them more than what child support will provide. The father is not an issue for me at this point, only my daughter and grand child are.
You mean NY doesn't have any mandatory education laws? Wow. I thought every state had at least something on the books regarding how long a child has to stay in school...tho religious beliefs can also have a factor, depending on the state, as in ours.
That being said, I don't think there is anything you personally can do. Apparently your daughter has made her bed and now she has to lie in it, at least for the time being. I think you are right....if you push this too hard, she will distance herself from you more and more. I would only work on maintaining and improving on that and occasionally encouraging her to continue her education. And I do mean encourage........I know you're disappointed right now and probably will continue to be as long as she doesn't finish her education, but you need to encourage her from her point of view. If she ever brings up anything about something she'd like to do with her life, support her as much as you can and show her that furthering her education will be the only way she can get there......but she can get there, baby or not, if she wants it bad enough.
NY ..have to go to school to 16 then can drop out which is why they gave her tutoring while she was pregnant. Now you cant force her...PINS is for a delinquent kid who you want to go to school, the court takes over and makes the child go to school but like you said, you need BM on board with that.
She has not said if she is going back in the fall? When she is with you can you give her info on GED tests?
Out of curiosity, you still pay full child support for her?
PINS is for a person in need of supervision. S- docket, Juvenile Deliquents are a D- docket, the local school district can file for the PINS, based soley on truancy issues, however with the cuts in services and the local county presures it is not likely that your district will fill. If she hasn't attended since August and it is almost June not much of a point.
The law changed and now the requirement is to remain in school until the age of 17, (That might be up to the local districts, I am not certain) The districts that I deal with do require that a youth remain in school until June of the year that the youth turns 16.
Getting into a GED program is difficult, stats are against local districts, and GED's don't count as sucessfully graduated, and that becomes a funding issue for the schools. Even private programs will not allow kids under 17 into programs. The only way to sit for an exam at 16 is to be in an Office of Children and Family Services program, (lock-up) or on parole.
If you pay child support you could always force the issue, via the family court and Law Guardian. If your concern is that your daughter get an education, and if she is smart you could send her to a local community college and after attaining 20 ( I think 24 ) some credits she will be deemd to have gotten her GED, and then get another 40 some credits and she will get her Associated degree.
Most counties have youth outreach and option type programs, if you call your local department of social services they should be able to connect you with programs that can assist your daughter, and give you information on any GED programs as well as teen parenting programs that are available to her locally.
Her life isn't over because she had a child as a teenager, or because she didn't complete high school. I was a parent at 17, and a high school drop out as well, however, over the years have amassed several differant degrees, and sent all three of my children to college. Her life will be over if she choices to do nothing with her life.
Feel free to contact me directly, or have your daughter contact me if you think that it would be helpful.
To Ocean ... all you said is true which i'm aware of. Unfortunately BM is not on board with my feelings about our children, never has been which is why we rarely speak. As for support question, I do pay full support but that is a non-issue for me .. the money means nothing to me if my child suffers, I only want her to have best possible chance at succeeding. I have talked with her about returning to school, but she pulls away mainly because she knows i'm not going to agree with any other option and so she gravitates towards mom who sides with her.
Kitty, that is my stance at this point but it doesn't make it easier to accept. I agree that she is old enough to know what is right and wrong and I have to let her learn from mistakes, but if possible this is one i'd like to help her avoid.
TO ksmarks, thanks for the advice and info. As for the PINS program, I can't have it enforced or executed as long as her mom acknowledges that she is aware and approving of her missing school. Before becoming pregnant, she was in jeapordy of not being able to qualify to even receive any grade in school due to her absences. Went through all routes to end this ... school district, school board, city council etc ... but again being non-custodial parent my rights are limited even though I have joint legal custody. Primary residence is with mom so i'm over ruled on these matters mostly.
I'm hesitant to force a court issue as this may cause my child to further alienate herself from me and no matter what her decision is right now, I know she will need me at some point so i'm trying to keep all doors open for her to come to me when she is ready. Also appreciate the offer of speaking with her directly but at this point in time, I doubt she would, she barely speaks to me when it comes to this matter. I actually had her in a program for young women that encouraged her education that was conducted at the University of Rochester headed by a former high school principal (a family friend) but she bailed on that. The head of the program tried in vain to reach out to her on many occassions but she just avoided all contact with her. Again, thanks for the advice and offer, I had to see what other ideas anyone may have had. Thanks to all
my family did the tough love route, and had no contact and offered no support, I was forced to get with the program so to speak and advocate for myself, and my child.
You do have options in family court, and if you stopped the funding, or threatened to, mom and daughter might see the light so to speak.
nemesis...I think the reason ocean brought up the CS issue for your daughter is because often times continueing to receive CS can be a motivator for some BM's. I believe you could emancipate the 16 y/o and have CS reduced...BUT perhaps BM would be more willing to cooperate with you and get DD back in school if CS continues???
Thinking along those lines...daughter lives in house still not supporting herself but he could argue that she is not in school, has child , will be receiving her own child support from father of baby probably.
NY is tough state..we pay to 21 but like Giggles said, a motivator for mother to encourage child to go to school or dad want give us money. At least she will get her degree.
Ocean there is one other issue with teen mothers in NY. I have found out that under our new laws while we may not be responsible to support the child through the divorce/ CS the state can/will come after a parent if the child and grandchild receive any type of state support like welfare or insurance. Not sure if this only happens when the father is not named or all the time. I have heard horrow stories about the partents fighting the state over this. Not only all of this but we are responsible until 21 but have no recourse once they are 16. Not sure how that makes sense but in NY is seems to.
Nemesis the only other thing I can think to suggest is to call CPS and see what they say. Our school district only allows so many excused absences before the state is involved. Parents can be brought up on educational neglect charges even with excused absences unless there is a doctor involved for extended time. If your daughter isn't going to school, isn't working, or looking for work I would contact the courts and see if you can stop support. Might make BM take notice and get her to do something iwth your daughter. Just an idea though.
Thankfully my SD is 15 and has no desire to be a mother now or in the near future. Might help that her BM and aunts were all mothers by the time they were 16, have lousy lives, no real jobs, and can't keep a place to live. No better lesson then life.
Good luck to you.
DROOGLE, CPS is a no go. She is 16 now and has the right to drop out if that is her choice. Even were she not, as stated in one of my earlier posts, she had missed many days during course of school year prior to her pregnancy. Found out that there is a little known law on the books that states a child has to "only" attend school one day out of every 28 to avoid prosecution. Again, as long as custodial parent doesn't seek assistance with that child, my hands are tied. Even sicker still is that for that one day, a child merely has to report to school yet never attend any classes and the cycle starts over again. This is state regulations that determines how the school districts receive their funding based on number of attending children in school.
Tried several times to have emergency Academic Intervention program started for her but as I was the only person who attended any of these meetings. nothing was/could be done. This program included counselors, psychologists and workers from the CPS who were aware of the situation but yet no one intervened beyond looking at me. I attended these meetings and even signed my child up but can't force her to attend.
I doubt if she will get much if any support from the BF of her child as from what i'm told, my daughters BM has not allowed him to see the baby nor does he work to the best of my knowledge. Have no grounds with which to threaten to stop support, nor is that ever easy here in NY. I had 3 modification cases thrown out because the referee didn't think my petition was worded correctly. I have no desire to return to court any more, too much bs, i'd rather just pay the money and do what I can to make sure my children have a fighting chance at a decent life.