Hi there everyone I am posting this for some feedback on something that is becoming a very common problem.
False allegations in a custody battle. And I am not just talking about a little slander here, people. I am talking about fathers accused of horrible things that they never did.
Has anyone here gone through somehing like this?
I am mainly talking to the dads, here but I know some moms are accused of this too so feel free to give an opinion.
Some ex's are very evil and will stop at nothing to get the dad out of the children's lives. Its horrible and scary and I know someone who's life was completely ruined because of false allegations.
I am a woman but my ex does the same thing to me, he'll stand before the judge and say that I don't have a place to live (mind you I am the CP), that I have mice and roaches, that she doesn't have clothes at my house or get enough attention and after the judge denies his request two days later he is calling me saying he doesn't have clothes for her visit and he doesn't like the environment he lives in and all kinds of mess. It really is unfortunate and some judges play into their accusations.
Yes, I have been through this, and it is very scary! My ex- drummed up everything she could think of about me, when I filed for custody of our daughter last year. And she had her family on hand as witnesses. But, she made the mistake of claiming things that happened BEFORE our divorce. The Judge told her that was irrelevant, and should have been dealt with during the divorce; and he "didn't even want to hear it now".
Then, after I was awarded custody, she started making claims to DCS (Children's Services) that I was not taking care of our daughter, that she was being refused medical treatment, going dirty, was being mistreated by her half-sister, etc. So, finally, after many claims, the caseworker made a surprise visit with our daughter while at school. The caseworker told me that our daughter told her everything she needed to know. Daughter told her that "Dad takes me to the Dr. when I am sick", "sometimes I fight with my sister, but it's usually my fault", etc. She said she could see for herself that daughter was being well taken care of.
The caseworker found our daughter was healthy, happy and seemingly well adjusted, and the only thing she seemed upset about was talking about her Mom. Imagine that! We believe Mom had been "coaching" her about what to say. In fact, the caseworker told me that I would have no other problems with them, unless a neutral "third party" notified them of problems. So, I HOPE, I am in the clear, for now anyway. At least until Mom cooks up something else.
I, too have had false allegations of abuse against me. i am a NCM. My Dh is bipolar and had been undiagnosed for twenty years. Anyone hwo knows what Bipolar is will not be surprised that he had a criminal record.
Since getting diagnosed and on meds he has had no legal problems. But my X used his prior record to obtain custody.
Now X goes around telling everyone and anyone how i "lost" my kids due to my choice of being with this criminal instead of staying with him. He filed a report with CYS saying I locked the kids outside so my DH and I could have sex in the mornings, that I never bathed the kids and that they wore the same underware for a week at a time. ANd that my living conditons were too small.
This last part was true. I moved out and into a small apartment when we separated. He had agree to leave the home and move in with his GF, but them he reneged. So Imoved. Then he wouldn't move forward with the divorce. Imet Dh, we got pregnant and had a son. ANd I still had joint custody of the kids from the marriage. So our one bedroom was too small. But that wasn't my doing and CYS was very upset when they found out the truth by talking to my attorney.
I barraged CYS with requests to talk to different people. I made the investigator fill out 23 releases of information. I think that showed him I had nothing to hid. I was totally honest. When asked if Dha nd I arued, I stated thatof course we did. I stated that we tried to keep it from the kids but with the small space sometimes the overheard.
In the end the report was unfounded and the investigator called it a spite report.
I, too have had false allegations of abuse against me. i am a NCM. My Dh is bipolar and had been undiagnosed for twenty years. Anyone hwo knows what Bipolar is will not be surprised that he had a criminal record.
Since getting diagnosed and on meds he has had no legal problems. But my X used his prior record to obtain custody.
Now X goes around telling everyone and anyone how i "lost" my kids due to my choice of being with this criminal instead of staying with him. He filed a report with CYS saying I locked the kids outside so my DH and I could have sex in the mornings, that I never bathed the kids and that they wore the same underware for a week at a time. ANd that my living conditons were too small.
This last part was true. I moved out and into a small apartment when we separated. He had agree to leave the home and move in with his GF, but them he reneged. So Imoved. Then he wouldn't move forward with the divorce. Imet Dh, we got pregnant and had a son. ANd I still had joint custody of the kids from the marriage. So our one bedroom was too small. But that wasn't my doing and CYS was very upset when they found out the truth by talking to my attorney.
I barraged CYS with requests to talk to different people. I made the investigator fill out 23 releases of information. I think that showed him I had nothing to hid. I was totally honest. When asked if Dha nd I arued, I stated thatof course we did. I stated that we tried to keep it from the kids but with the small space sometimes the overheard.
In the end the report was unfounded and the investigator called it a spite report.
Thank you all for your replies.
It sounds like you all have been through a nightmare, just like we are still going through.
I wish there was a way to make this more public, to let people know that there are innocent people convicted of hainous crimes against children that they never committed.
There are parents that have been forced into taking plea bargains because they are too scared to trust the justice system that already failed them in the first place.
There are registered sex offenders that are actually innocent. ( I am not saying ALL are innocent, but there are some) I know of a registered sex offender that is 100% innocent.
Its a terrible thing to go through.
How can we make this more public?
lizziesmom
YES, AND I AM CURRENTLY AWAITING TRIAL!!!
It didn't start until after my son's mother was told by me that I'd be suing for custody. She kept calling the police and saying that I was harrassing her when I only wanted to talk about our son. She messed up at first because she said that me calling about my son was harrassment and when they told her that that is not harrassment, she then said that I threatened to kill her. They caught her in lies though. She kept making false reports though with the same allegation. She later reported that I was sitting outside of her house stalking her at a certain time but I was getting a written warning for a traffic violation two hours away 12 minutes before that time.
But then on December 5th she considered it harrassment again because I was calling her about my son. She hung up so I called back. Her crack head mother answered and blew up at me and tried to tell me how to handle thigs with my son and I told her that she had no say so. Next thing, the police call me and tell me that there would be a warrant out for my arrest for telephone harrassment and my son's mother called my family to tell them that I threatened to kill her mother. I had to go hire an expensive attorney, turn myself in with him at the courthouse to have bond set, and then get out. When I got out my son's mother was right there to confront me with my son and she later met me for visitation pick up in a dark place with no one around so she must not fear for her safety.
Last year she went as far as telling a cray ex of mine that I cheated and that I abused my son. That ex later lied to the police and said that I beat her (very badly). I was not questioned and not prosecuted because it was too obvious that I didn't do it. But they give temporary restarining orders to any person that swears that they're telling the truth about abuse. So my son's mother had that ex get one against me and she kept that woman around her when I was supposed to have Christmas vacation with my son so that I could not see him. She thought that her plan would work but the crazy ex temporarily switched over to my side (I knew not to trust her though) and she forwarded me voice mails that my son's mother left her about setting me up. That crazy ex kept trying to get orders against me before a big court date.
Lat year when I went to pick up my son and his mom took off with him, I called the police. The officer said that my son's mother's mother said that I had just put dead squirrels on her car. Days later a detective from another crazy ex's town called and said that the ex said that I put dead birds on her car around the same date. When I followede up with a criminal complaint against that ex the prosecutor said that he knew that I weas telling the truth about me being innocent. I asked how he knew and he said something like: C'mon, the police rush to a scene after getting a 911 call and when they get there, there are no dead animals. Where did they go? Were they put in the garbage? Did stray cats come by and eat them in under two minutes? Why were there no dead animals there and why was there no explanation as to why there were no dead animals there under 2 minutes after they were allegedly out there? Because some one was lying.
I can't believe that they're pursuing a conviction over harrassment that never happened. My criminal attorney went over things with me and said
that the police issued the warrant like I was already in custody, the prosecutor didn't do anything until he heard from them.
I had my father call my son's other and block my number because I knew she'd talk to him. Our plan wss for him to give me the phone. I tried to discuss things about my son and she screamed and acted crazy like she almost always does so I let her know that I'd talk to her another time. I then got a voice mail from a pig saying that I harrassed my son's mother when she called my family and that I was to have no contact with her except for something that has to do with my child.
I have nothing but all out hatred towards pigs and am seriously considering filing a law suit. My constitutional rights were violaated, my rights as a parent were violated, I was harrassed by them, and was falsely arrested.
I know exactly what you are going through.
To be accused of something you did not do and now you could end up in jail over it is terrible.
A vindictive ex can ruin your life. My husband's ex wife and her mother ruined his/ours.
All over a custody battle. And all the evidence to show his innocence was going to be "supressed" if we went to trial. The main piece of evidence was the fact of his ex coming into my work and TELLING me in front of witnesses that her mother was brainwashing the kids on a daily basis to say what they were saying. The kids were 3 and 4 at the time. I even had the surveillience video tape SHOWING her in the bar (I am a bartender) talking to me in front of the witnesses. And it was all considered HEARSAY. A FULL CONFESSION AND IT WOULD NEVER REACH A JURY'S EARS.
Its wrong and unfair.
And I have no faith at all in the justice system.
I hope all goes okay for you.
Jennifer
>I know exactly what you are going through.
>To be accused of something you did not do and now you could
>end up in jail over it is terrible.
>A vindictive ex can ruin your life. My husband's ex wife and
>her mother ruined his/ours.
>All over a custody battle. And all the evidence to show his
>innocence was going to be "supressed" if we went to trial. The
>main piece of evidence was the fact of his ex coming into my
>work and TELLING me in front of witnesses that her mother was
>brainwashing the kids on a daily basis to say what they were
>saying. The kids were 3 and 4 at the time. I even had the
>surveillience video tape SHOWING her in the bar (I am a
>bartender) talking to me in front of the witnesses. And it was
>all considered HEARSAY. A FULL CONFESSION AND IT WOULD NEVER
>REACH A JURY'S EARS.
>Its wrong and unfair.
>And I have no faith at all in the justice system.
>I hope all goes okay for you.
>
>Jennifer
Thanks Jennifer.
I'd rather get a few words of encouragement than hear that some one else went through the same kind of thing. I'm sorry about what your husband and you went through. I also do not trust the system and wish most judges and prosecutors a slow painful death. But anyays, thanks again.
I am going through this now. I am a BM. My 5 year olds father has so many false accusations in my order its ridiculous. Half of his lies i have documented proof that it is false. Now he is attacking my youngest son who is 6 months. Me and my ex broke it off from trying to reconcile in august 2004. I got pregnant at the end of october 2004 and got married to my husband in Novemer 2004. Now my ex is telling me he is ordering a paternity test on my youngest. I was told i could press harrassment charges. I am very scared of all this. I know for a fact my son is my husbands but i just dont want to have to go through this whole thing. I have been my sons mother all his life,never had any problems with DFS at all till my ex got involved, im in the police academy which he is trying to destroy and my ex didnt want nething to do with him until he was 4 and a half years old.Now he is trying to take my son because of jealousy, personal vendetta and revenge. It sickens me that there are people like this and that i was stupid enough to get involved with him. I feel for all of you that have and are going through this, i am still in the lawyer finding process.
Good luck worriedmom, the truth should come out.
*UPDATE* Today I got a letter from my criminal lawyer and it had the police report in it from when I was falsely accused and then arrested for telephone harrassment.
BM called the police about 45 minutes AFTER my last call to her that night. If some one committed a crime against me I wouldn't wait 45 minutes to report it.
On the report BM and her mother said that there is a court order that prohibits me from making any contact with them except through my attorney. There is no order like that and there never was. BUT the officer wrote on the report that he saw the order!
I had requested a welfare check before BM called the police. The officer said that my son was fine and was happy and paying (at about 11:30 P.M. when he's only 3 years old).
BM said that I kept calling and that I told her that I hoped her mother dies of Cancer, then on the report it says that her mother said that I told her she dies of Cancer, then again that there's a court order that prohibits me from having contact with them.
BM also reported that we're in ther middle of a custody battle, that I took my son to get medical attention without her consent, and that she's arguing with me over me getting medical insurance for my son.
Hello? Can any one see that (assuming I'm telling the truth) that what BM and her mother said is the biggest load of b.s.?
The officer also wrote on the report that I said I'd turn myself in and he wrote it like I was admitting that I was guilty.
There are so many holes in their story and their older stories it's ridiculous.
Doesn't my having proof of their lies just show more that they're trying to get me out of my son's life?
A little off topic, but when I was calm I had time to think about whether or not I would pursue something in court against the police for defaming my character and of course for false arrest, false imprisonment, and harrassment (they constantly called me telling me that I can't make contact with BM when there is not a court order but they said that there was). It is not about revenge or money. It is about justice. I think it is best for me to wait until my custody case is over with so I'm not in court so much but I do want to pursue it. Regardless of the fact that I am innocent, whenever I move to a new place or go for a new job and a background check is done, I will always be looked at as the guy that committed a crime against women but got away with it.
I'll sound like an idiot for asking this, but does any one know how much that kind of case is worth? My doctor blames my high blood pressure, vommitting, and sleep problems on stress because of all of this and I am seeing a therapist, psychiatrist, and a pain mangement psychologist for hypnotherapy to get me to relax.
While checking an online court schedule yesterday to see when I have to testify against a crazy ex that BM and her mother used to make up serious things about me, I saw another charge against her. I called to find out what it was and it turned out she ad itted in court that she was guilty of steeling money from me. She's up for status so that the prosecutor can see that she did what she was supposed to do for her court supervision. She was supposed to pay me restitution but she didn't. Of course she was not to be arrested either but she was arrested for violating and order of protection that I had against her (that's the case that they want my testimony for).
It's not BM that got arrested but it is some one that she tried to use to get me arrested. It's also a woman that made false allegations of domestic battery, attempted murder, stalking, you name it. FINALLY a woman that lied about a man was not believed, and the man was. *No offencse to women, I'm only talking about the bad ones*
So yes, there is some justice for men.
when my husband was accused of Child Abuse for allegedly hurting his son when all he did was pick up his son and place him on the couch to reprimand him. The entire act, basically a Take I, Scene II play was presented by the CP in her attempts to futhter keep the father (my DH) from seeing his children. She also sought "Victims Assistance" monies to give her extra spending for trips to Disney, etc. She was facing Contempt and thought this would be a way to save her fanny! We spent 15K and one year to follow through with a hearing and after 5 minutes of deliberation the jury found him innocent. The jury members sought DH out in the parking lot and apologized that anyone was putting him through this! The doctor from the hospital didn't show because there was nothing to report. The D/A wouldn't put PB on the stand after he learned that she had purjured herself on the stand during the divorce. DH's poor son was coached and this was evident to all on in the courtroom. His story changed every minute, that poor child was so confused!!! So PB was livid, the D/A went home as a smacked a$$ and the only one who suffered was my stepson and of course my DH but he's an adult and handled it fine.
Read the book Divorce Poison. It clearly depicts the thoughts behind these dimented individuals and the ever so common patterns.
By the way, we have one of the few cases where in DH's final hearing for a custody review, the CP was admonished by the judge for having Parental Alienation Syndrome now documented forever in our court papers.
I'm reading Divorce Poison right now. I actually sent an email to the guy that wrote it and he wrote me back personally. I asked him about my own personal experiences and he gave advice the best he could. And I also encourage reading Joint Custody with a Jerk. It gives you skills to communicate with a less than reasonable ex. Great Book.
hey there I know how evil and vindictive an ex can be, believe me I do my husband's ex and her mother did alot of crap to us.
But there may be someone who can help you.
He used to advise me alot and I found him on a web site about custody evaluation. Now, the site has a new name and it is now a forum so I will give you the NEW site which is http://www.custodyevaluation.com
the OLD site was called http://www.custodyevaluation.com/sexualabuse/index.htm you might want to go to that site first and read some posts by a man named RICK. He's on there alot, and the site is LONG so just look at the posters' names and you will find him. He was falsely accused by a very evil ex and went through alot.
He is excellent at giving advice and helping dads with their cases against vindictive ex wives.
You can get to the old site without having to register but the new site requires you to register and there was a problem with my email so they couldn't send me the password I need to go on it but I'm sure Rick is on there somewhere.
I know he can give you alot of helpful advice.
Check it out, evalisto, he'll be able to help you.
lizziesmom
I went through this with ex husband for first three years after divorce. I remarried less than a year after divorce and DH was furious and bitter. I learned after the first false report how to protect myself. Here are some suggestions for anyone going through this. Take the child to their doctor right before any extended visits (summer, christmas, etc.). Then if a report is made at that time you will have a doctors checkup that would show any injuries to the child if there were any. My ex always filled the false reports during these extended visits. I guess it gave him more time to try and sway the child. Then it started on a regular basis. Some reports were to the police and some were to CPS. I started my son in counseling. They are generally seen once per week so I scheduled it on Fridays right before his visits. I then had another medical professionals report to back me up against his allegations. I also got a two way recorder on my phone to record his calls. I never called him yet the police show up at my work one day ready to arrest me because he reported I was harrassing him by phone. I was able to prove I had no access to a phone for the past two hours and they left. I then changed my days and hours so he had no idea when I worked. Eventually he was arrested and plead guilty to telephone harrassment and terroristic threats. CPS also eventually found him to be leaving the child in abusive situations and testified in court on my behalf. I havent had a problem with him since then.