SPARC Forums

On Monday I will be meeting with my son's counselor for the 1st time.  He has only seen her a couple of times so far and goes every other week.  

My ex claims that my son talks to the counselor about this or that, and usually points the finger at me, with the typical ex crap.  If she wants to prove a point she claims she talked to the counselor and then pulls the 'this is what they said so this is what we should do' crap, etc.  This week she claimed my son was upset about something and discussed it with his counselor.  I talked to the counselor last night and it was an outright lie.  My son doesn't even have an appt. until next week.  
(But my ex called to talk to her about it)

I want to expose my ex-wife for what she is doing and how she is trying to manipulate the counselor.  I'm sure she is trying to build a case against me as being a bad father before we go to court in a couple months.  

How do I approach the counselor in a 'professional' way without giving the impression I am doing the same thing she is.  I want her to be 'outed' so she can stop trying to manipulate the situation.

I tried to put my son in counseling where I live but I can't find one that will take Saturday appts.

Does anyone have suggestions for specific questions I should ask the counselor?  I want to be prepared when I go in on Monday.

Thank You

The one thing you MUST NOT DO is badmouth mother during these sessions. However you can get your point across fairly easily.

First you should ask if the sessions with your son are private.  They should be. (by private I mean mother is not in the room) If the sessions are not private, request she begin to meet with son that way.

Tell the therapist you are most concerned with how son is adjusting to this situation as well as school and friend situations.

Tell her the feedback you have received thusfar indicates your son is having significant problems with You. Ask how you can work With Her to improve your relationship with your son. Ask what specific reccomendations she has made to date

Also mention a concern that son, if not already, will begin to play each parent off the other. Ask for ways to handle these situations. Give her some instances where son has told You things you feel were untrue and instances where mother was told things that upset her. Tell the therapist you feel as his parents you both should be on the same page with this. Ask for her help in acomplishing this.

Finally ask her what you need to do RIGHT NOW to improve your relationship with your son. Explain you will be available for contact if during a session son has a problem that would need your immidiate attention.

You should tell her you would like to be kept informed of progress son has made and ask if she would like you to make appointments for sessions with you on a scheduled basis or if monthly phone contact would be more appropriate.

The Witch

I agree with Hagatha's post except where she say's like ask about the problems, And how to improve your relationship with Your son
    '"IF" There are no problems with you and Your son DON'T Go there and let some IMPLIED problem infest the meeting , My situation with the counselor was good because I had a good relationship with my son , I did say XXX Mother exagerrates things because she is not present during my visits and can't know of any problems , And my son seem's to do just fine at my house . It is a big problem to bad mouth the mother , They  May report Acrimony between you two , SOOO Don't play the game or fire back except for very intelligently , MOST of your meeting should be about what is right with your son , DO NOT let Talking about problems manifest themselves in this meeting ,
  There were also Psyche evals in my situation and by enguaging the negativity of the mother during this, There was some bad reporting ,
 Your ex is probably trying to manifest trouble by talking it into exsistance . DON'T PLAY the game .  From my expierience and the advice of my atty ,

  ATTY SAID : " why don;t you tell every one how good it is at your house and maybe they will wonder if the problem is with mom" I for the most part did this , But it is hard to 'NOT' Get sucked into this crap .
  As an example : At trial Niether atty asked questions about what was wrong , I felt they did not venture to that area for the reason of appearing to be vendictive m

However both atty;s tried to point out Thier clients good parenting ;
  Keep this in mind It is very important to spend more time showing you are a good parent than it is to spend your time showing what a bad parent the other one is ,
 ::: My atty told me that also