Melissa(lissa68)
Iowa District Court
Father- Pro-Se
Mother-Attorney
January 04-filed petition to modify custody and visitation from Mother having Physical and joint legal to both parents sharing physical and legal 50/50.
April, upon advice, I filed a Order to Show Cause, a Contempt Motion and an Amended Petition due to new information for father to have sole physical and joint legal.
Have decided I would rather share custody, and have offered ex's attorney a settlement.
I offered the original 50/50 plan, with additional stipulations and remedies, and things that were not included in our original divorce and custody decree.
I know that I would be willing to drop the OSC, the Amended Petition and the Contempt motion. They do not. I also know that the documented proof I have will in court get me 50/50, and possibly if went to trial, I may actually get closer to full custody. Yes, I know, positive thinking. ;)
I sent out a settlement offer 5/26/2004, in which I asked for a response within 10 days. Mind you I have done this sort of thing with her attorney before and never heard a thing from him.
He jumped on it immediatly, asked for a conference.
I responded, agreeing to conference with him regarding the offer, and also stated for my protection and his, I would be recording all conversations.
Conference is set for Thursday.
Questions:
1. In a settlement conference, what should be my plan? Seeing that you are a lawyer, I am asking what a typical settlement plan is on your part, hypothetically.
2. Any key advice you can give me that may give me a heads up at what can and does happen typically in these conferences.
3. I know that ultimatly I want 50/50, and I am not afraid to take this to trial, what I am questioning, is, knowing that I want to drop the previous mentioned OSC, ect., can I use that to my advantage without it seeming like a bribe?
Thank You for your help Soc,
Lissa68
>Questions:
>
>1. In a settlement conference, what should be my plan?
>Seeing that you are a lawyer, I am asking what a typical
>settlement plan is on your part, hypothetically.
Listen, don't talk. You want to know their offer. If it's way off the mark, then you counter way off the mark. If it's close to the mark you counter closer. The idea is that you want to be the person who accepts their last offer, because that means that they gave enough to satisfy you, not the other way around.
>
>2. Any key advice you can give me that may give me a heads up
>at what can and does happen typically in these conferences.
This isn't a mediation, so there's no one available to try to convince you to meet half way. NO ONE ever leaves this sort of negotiation happy. Win-win is a fantasy. It is always lose-lose. If you're gonna settle, then be prepared to give something up to get something you want. Try to give something up that you never wanted. You should ask for something(s) that are a red herring, so you can pretend to give them away.
>
>3. I know that ultimatly I want 50/50, and I am not afraid to
>take this to trial, what I am questioning, is, knowing that I
>want to drop the previous mentioned OSC, ect., can I use that
>to my advantage without it seeming like a bribe?
Bribery and extortion are legal during a legal settlement negotiation, as long as the subject matter is legal. The only things that you absolutely cannot do is:
1) You cannot offer or receive custody/parenting time in exchange for money paid or debts forgiven. This is child selling (slavery).
You may, however, agree to execute two different orders, one of which dismisses a motion or an action, or sets aside an order, or releases the other party's financial obligation for arrears (past support), and the other that establishes a new custody order made solely in the child's best interests.
But, you need to get both of them signed simultaneously -- which can be dicey, because, theorectically, someone could sign one and then get up and walk out of the meeting, and there would be no way to enforce the other, because tying the two together is criminal.
2) You cannot forever bargain away the minor child(ren)'s rights to FUTURE support. This is prohibited by public policy in every jurisdiction.
You may, however, agree to non-guideline support, made in the child(ren)'s best interests, or release PAST support arrears owed, or judgments.
When in doubt, don't agree -- instead, sleep on your final decision.
Melissa(lissa68)
Thank you soc, perfect as usual.
Lissa68
You rock Soc,
That was some fantastic insight on how to handle the settlement conference.
I will be going to my second one some time in Oct. so this will help me as well.
We already had s settlement conference last Sept. with a trial set for last OCT., Mandatory here in WA. I asked my attorney how to act and she simply said if you don't like the offer don't take it and wee will walk, which is what happened. So many moons later and well have at it again.
This thread should be somehow saved and posted as a Q & A in the article archives.
...
You're gonna get a few of us here riled up, LOL! ;-)
Melissa(lissa68)
Gonna?! I tell you the responses Soc comes back with sometimes............................is it hot in here? lol
Lissa 68
Melissa
And with DH on the road all week, it certainly doesn't help, LOL!
Melissa(lissa68)
Soc is definitly the man, and with his bed type responses where's a girl's mind suppose to go! Lol
Long week for you kitty, just keep reading soc's board, should pass the time, oh so sweetly.
Lissa68
;-)