Hello!
I'm a BF in IN and currently awaiting to hear back from the custody evaluator for a follow up interview. The evaluator just finished up with an interview and observation of BM's new fiance. I will state facts that were presented to the evaluator and our current situation.
BM and I were never married and split 1 1/2 yrs. ago. We agreed to visitation without going through the courts and I stayed in the home and had our child and her other child (not bio mine) 60% of the time.
BM met another man and immediately moved him in and began giving up visitation either for a couple of hours a day or overnights. BM got engaged to this man and relationship was over within 6 mos. BM threatened suicide again and BM then tried to come back to me and I refused. Within 2 weeks BM was engaged to another man.
I filed for paternity, custody and support and we are currently on a temp 50/50 schedule until eval is completed with recommendation. Child is 3 yrs old.
Facts presented to evaluator: (by phone recordings with BM or doctor receipts)
BM attempted suicide while pregnant with our child.
BM has been violent in front of children.
BM has punched me numerous times
BM was witnessed leaving children in car by themselves for 30min.
BM has demonstrated numerous emotional issues.
I have taken child to 85% of all doctor appts.
I have no record and a stable emotional and family life.
BM is planning to move into new fiances home.
I have kept a journal and documented everything possible.
Non bio child is failing in school. 3rd grade.
QUESTIONS:
With this brief overview, what might the evaluator ask for next?
The evaluation is going on 5 months. What is the normal timeline?
What should I expect to hear?
Thank you
>QUESTIONS:
>
>With this brief overview, what might the evaluator ask for
>next?
No clue.
>
>The evaluation is going on 5 months. What is the normal
>timeline?
There is no reason why an evaluation cannot be complete in one week, except for the schedule of the evaluator and the parties.
>What should I expect to hear?
You're obviously frustrated. You can call the evaluator and ask if there's anything you can do to expedite this matter and if he/she can tell you when the report will be final.
If it's not within the next 10 days, I'd say you should ask the court to disqualify the evaluator and appoint someone else to complete the evaluation.
My only reservation would be if there is some reason why the evaluator has extended the eval, lie one or both of the parents, and/or child are undergoing therapy.
Evaluator met with me alone 3 times. He met alone with (somewhat unstable) mother 14 times.
He met with me and child once. He met with mother and child twice.
He spent 90 minutes in each of our homes, observing us with child.
He didn't review the bulk of my materials.
He conducted five psych and parenting tests on each parent and on stepmom (my wife).
I didn't see him at all in the 4 months preceding his report.
His report emphasized the amount of time he spent on the case.
Evaluator finally concluded that while mother showed some above-normal-scale scores in the psych testing and showed some difficulties in managing her life and dealing with conflict, the mother was a good parent.
Upon reading the report, it seems that the evaluator quickly concluded I was fine and spent much more time trying to figure out exactly what was up with the mother.
All of that said, I didn't have evidence of many of the things that you outlined about your ex in your post.
DecentDad-
Did you get placement?
Did you take the matter to court or did your ex?
I think there is no reason the evidence I provided can be ignored. I've shown she is very unstable and there is a pattern of this behavior from years back. I just wish I had some clue as to where she is at in the process. I just want to know that she is making progress. I haven't heard anything nor have any of my collateral contacts.
>Did you get placement?
>
>Did you take the matter to court or did your ex?
>
>I think there is no reason the evidence I provided can be
>ignored. I've shown she is very unstable and there is a
>pattern of this behavior from years back. I just wish I had
>some clue as to where she is at in the process. I just want
>to know that she is making progress. I haven't heard anything
>nor have any of my collateral contacts.
Your situation is completely different from my situation, so it wouldn't be fair to treat them like apples-to-apples.
I was never married. Child was also 3 upon beginning the custody eval.
However, I was fighting a move-away attempt, and I never had majority timeshare (due to constant allegations from mother, including false reports to police).
The evaluator ultimately recommended more time with me and an increase to 50/50 in two years (which is now, and it's currently being debated) and strongly recommended against a move-away for the damage it would cause child (citing recent as-of April 2004 caselaw in CA that if best interest is the measure, the court should not let the child move).
I wasn't entirely happy with his report, but mother was devastated and her attorney objected to its admissibility. At the time, Soc called it a win for me.
The evaluator didn't contact any of my collaterals either.
This is our first time in court and I filed. I just hope the evaluator doesn't make a decision without pursuing every lead and contact I've provided. A lot of people I talk to tell me I have nothing to worry about, but I just don't trust the system. What would surprise me the most would be if the evaluator recommended that my ex get primary over me. I took this to court with the intention of getting what we currently have in writing so that I could hold BM accountable to some rules, since she seems to think she makes them herself.
I guees I should have faith in my evidence. I'm just becoming so frustrated with all of this that its affecting my relationship with my child, you know? I want some relief so that daddy can be his old self again.
I thought that CA was pretty much a 50/50 state regardless. I've wondered what allegations my ex is making against me. I know she can't prove anything because nothing exists. I, however, knew going in that I better get proof of it all before I made the accusation. You can't argue a phone recording. Plus, there are witness' to some of the things she's done. These are dangerous things too, so I can't understand why the evaluator would be dragging her feet when it's been shown that the kids are in danger.
Thanks for giving me your input on your situation!
..is your best.
Quit freaking out about all the unknowns, and you'll be saner.
If it's affecting your relationship with your child, I suggest you go somewhere, breathe deeply, beat a punching bag repeatedly, and come back to be your normal dad self.
That's advice but not legal advice, so I hope Soc tolerates it. :)
>I thought that CA was pretty much a 50/50 state regardless.
>I've wondered what allegations my ex is making against me. I
>know she can't prove anything because nothing exists. I,
>however, knew going in that I better get proof of it all
>before I made the accusation. You can't argue a phone
>recording. Plus, there are witness' to some of the things
>she's done. These are dangerous things too, so I can't
>understand why the evaluator would be dragging her feet when
>it's been shown that the kids are in danger.
The only state that is even close to a true 50/50 presumption is Iowa. Everywhere else, the court can pretty much ignore the statutes as long is the judge can justify his/her ruling as being in the child(ren)'s best interests.
I just recieved word that the evaluator is finishing the report in 3 weeks. She hasn't called me for a follow-up interview, nor has she called any collateral contacts or professional contacts.
Should I be worried?
What my be the indication of this situation?
If the eval goes against me, should I fight it since no contacts were made for investigation?
Keeping in mind the original info in my 1st post, would that proof be enough for the evaluator to make a decision in my favor without any more research?
Thanks
>Should I be worried?
Too speculative for my comment.
>
>What my be the indication of this situation?
That the evaluator sees nothing remarkable, or that things are so obvious that no extrinsic evidence is necessary to conclude. Not knowing what was presented to the evaluator, it's impossible for me to guess what's in his/her mind.
>
>If the eval goes against me, should I fight it since no
>contacts were made for investigation?
You're searching for hard and fast rules, where none exist. The question is whether or not the evaluation was conducted in a competent manner and whether the stated facts lead reasonably to the findings and conclusions in the report.
Until you actually read the report, you don't really know what's goin' on.
>Keeping in mind the original info in my 1st post, would that
>proof be enough for the evaluator to make a decision in my
>favor without any more research?
Well, sometimes when a person presents an overwhelming amount of damning evidence against the other parent, the evaluator becomes convinced that the person is heavily massaging the evidence to disparage the other parent so as to unfavorably influence the outcome.
In short -- too much evidence against the other party, sometimes smells of revenge rather than child's best interests, and the result is the exact reverse of what you hoped to achieve.
Or, the evaluator could see it all your way. But, you're asking for crystal ball stuff from me, and I just can't give you that sort of comfort level. You'll just have to wait for the results to come out.
Would it smell of revenge even if all I'm trying to do is put our current parenting plan in legal writing? I was hoping the evaluator would make the decision of if I should have more. I've been the primary caretaker since BM left and thats all I was trying to get in writing, but BM refuses.
>Would it smell of revenge even if all I'm trying to do is put
>our current parenting plan in legal writing? I was hoping the
>evaluator would make the decision of if I should have more.
>I've been the primary caretaker since BM left and thats all I
>was trying to get in writing, but BM refuses.
Nothing wrong with suggesting a parenting plan to the evaluator, stating that you have tried to negotiate with the other parent to no avail, and that you'd appreciate any "suggestions" that the evaluator may have to offer.
Keep it in your mind that the ideal for the court is a parent who puts themselves second behind their child. This doesn't mean you should be self destructive, but you need to act as if, were you to lose all custody because the child's interests required it, that you would favor the decision no matter how much it injured you.
That's the ideal. Don't get carried away with it or the evaluator/court will see through the ruse. This all works best when the other parent is bad mouthing you to death. You're smiling and advocating the child's interests and the other parent is showing his/her ass.
Get it?