SPARC Forums

For the first time in sixteen years I bring home a full paycheck.  I honestly did not mind the payroll withheld child support except for the over the top spiteful vindictiveness of the ex. I also paid for extra-curricular activities, glasses, braces, clothes, and a long list of other items over the years. I was the poster boy for the definition of alienation.  I was the victim of so many misleading lies and propaganda over the years that my child may never really know the truths about her dad.  None of the bad treatment or spiteful vindictiveness I was on the recieving end of had any reason or justification.  I did the best I could with what I had to work with.  I adjusted my lifestyle to living on a tight budget over those years.  I never thought I would ever remarry after such a horrible experience the first go round.  I'm happy to say that I'm married again and my new wife is a breath of fresh air in my life.  It's interesting about lifes twists and turns.  A very short time after my daughter turned eighteen and the court order child support ended, my daughter had a falling out with her mom.  My daughter now lives with my wife and I and is attending college.  She has a little part-time job and is responsible for her own bills.  I'm getting to really know her and see the young woman she has become.  I am very proud of her and no matter what hell my ex put me through I never gave up and fought for my rights.  Believe me I shed my share of tears over the years.  I always encourage my daughter to have a relationship with her mom.  I cannot stand the sight of my ex and things she has done to me over the years are unforgiveable.  I haven't reached the point of forgiveness yet.  There will be events involving our child in the future where the ex and I will have to put our heads together.  I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.  The only piece of advise I can give to any dads out there paying child support and dealing with the crap of divorce is NEVER give up on your kids. I've said it before and I'll say it again. The real losers in divorce are the children. The real winners in divorce are the lawyers, because they get paid no matter what the outcome in court.

Thank you.  My DH and I are counting down til SD is 18-- 2 yrs and 4 months and child support ends.  Ex is a real pain and always has been.  It has been a month since DH got to talk to his daughter because her cell broke and ex refused to get a new one or to contact us with new information on how to reach either of them.  Unfortunately, we do have arrears at this time and hope to start making small payments on them this next week.  DH is one of the millions laid off, but being in construction we are keeping our fingers crossed that work picks back up in spring.

We can't wait til SD turns 18 and child support ends so we too can have a full paycheck.  But besides that we will know that any money we give SD to help out with college will actually GO to SD and not to mommy's needs.  We too hope that at some time, SD will move closer to us or picks a college in our area.  She has already told us that she can't come live with us now is because she has to take care of her brother and sister--which sadly is true.  Ex hasn't done much to raise any of the kids since SD was about 6.  It was up to here to give the bottle to the babies and change their diapers and responsibility has just increased as she gets older.  She is already so stressed out and busy now she keeps getting sick, her mother has her doing so much advanced work and in sports and extracurricular activities she can't go to bed til after 11pm, works all weekend and has no time to be a teen.  Her mother tells her its all for college, but I just finished college up myself and know most of what she has told her daughter is untrue, all she is doing is wearing her daughter out.  But we keep our fingers crossed and do what we can to support SD until she herself can get out of the situation.

Lynn