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There is a petition to Gov. Kaine asking him to proclaim April 25th asParental Alienation Awareness Day in the state of Virgnia. 

Please visit this site to sign the petition:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660 (http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660)

There is a petition to Gov. Kaine asking him to proclaim April 25th asParental Alienation Awareness Day in the state of Virgnia. 

Please visit this site to sign the petition:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660 (http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660)

There is a petition to Gov. Kaine asking him to proclaim April 25th as Parental Alienation Awareness Day in the state of Virgnia. 

Please visit this site to sign the petition:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/983446660

[and then multiply that number by 1.4]

We live in VA.  My husband and I were looking at the "shared support guidelines" for VA, and noticed something interesting.  In VA, when calculating shared support obligation, they take the support obligation based on the parents combined monthly income and then multiply that number by 1.4! 

So, in the eyes of VA, a child who lives with both parents has a "need" 40% higher than other children?  Why is that???

In the state of VA there is a financial penalty for sharing custody of your children.  UGH!!

I'm so disturbed by this...

Not to mention that support is based on your gross monthly income, not your net.  They should at least consider the federal and state tax burdens.  Some other pre-tax deductions are discretionary - like 401K, FSA, etc.  Fed and state taxes aren't - AND the NCP (in most cases) isn't able to claim a deduction for the children they are providing financial support for.

What a racket!!

An American Coalition for Fathers and Children has an affiliate starting in Hampton Roads. 

You can get more information on the ACFC here:  http://www.acfc.org

You can get information on the Hampton Roads Affiliate here:  http://www.bestinterestofachild.com (http://www.bestinterestofachild.com/Events.html)


The first meeting is Feb 24th. (http://www.bestinterestofachild.com/Events.html)

The new Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines went into effect January 1. They are causing substantial increases in child support in almost all cases. Many payors will see increases of "only" 20%, but some will see a tripling of their child support order, even when they are poor and the recipient is wealthy. In high income cases, the child support order for one child could exceed $50,000 per year.

Fathers & Families is bringing a lawsuit in state court to stop the new Guidelines.  To help challenge the new Massachusetts Guidelines in court, they need plaintiffs –people who are, or will be, affected by the new Guidelines who are willing to lend their names and their stories to the legal complaint.

More information here - http://fathersandfamiliesblog.org/?p=1062 (http://fathersandfamiliesblog.org/?p=1062)

I just read online that there are new rules regarding children of divorced or separated parents for the 2008 Tax Year.  The biggest change that I can see is that you are no longer allowed to attach copies of your custody order.  Instead, any time a non-custodial parent is going to claim a child, a Form 8332 must be signed by the custodial parent and attached to the return.

You can read all of the changes here:  http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p501.pdf (http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p501.pdf)

Has anyone had experience with this?  Is it possible to pay child support in larger installments than monthly?  We pay directly to my husbands ex, and it's a challenge because we try to stay "low contact" but she uses CS as a reason to contact my husband.  It usually starts a few days before the beginning of the month - we start getting e-mails/texts/phone calls asking if we can give her the CS a little early for one reason or the other.  If we say no she gets pissed and usually retaliates using the kids in one way or another. 

We always send the CS on the same day, via certified mail.  We usually try to just maintain our boundaries and the low contact and not respond, but sometimes she'll ask in front of the kids during pick-up or drop-off and we have to respond.  My husband agreed once because she was going out of town and wouldn't be home to get the mail on the day it comes - but I think that just made it worse because she sees it as a possibility now.

So we're trying to come up with ways that we can minimize the impact on our family, and we were considering paying the CS in quarterly installments so that we only have to deal with it 4 times a month instead of 12.  What worries me is that, if she went to DCSE, they would consider the 2 extra months a "gift". 

Does anyone else have experience with this?  Would you advise it?  What if we sent 3 seperate checks with the month covered designated in the memo field?

Thanks -

My husband sends his CS checks via certified mail every month.  We ask for a return receipt because we have had problems in the past with her claiming not to have gotten it.  So, we just got the return receipt back today, signed for by his 11yo daughter.

I know that we're probably getting riled up over petty things, but we don't think that it's appropriate for BM to share financial details of the divorce with their children.  To add to this, the same daughter has been asking a lot of questions about how much money we make lately - which I had attributed to the usual children's curiosity - but now think that it has something to do with the child support.  BM regularly asks for additional money, or claims that my husband doesn't pay enough, so I'm wondering if she hasn't said the same to the children.

I'm interested to hear what others think of this topic, and other people's experiences.  How does this affect the children, if at all?

I know this is a long shot, but does anyone have any experience with Judge Carpenter.  He's a judge at the Newport News Juvenile & Domestic Relations Court.

Or, does anyone know where I can get information on jduges, or thier decision history?

Thank you!

The ACFC (American Coalition for Fathers and Children) is seeking fathers who are owed child support and having trouble collecting for possible inclusion in a news story from a major news outlet.

(re-printed from the 01/06/08 member e-mail):

"Media Request:  We have received a request from a major news outlet in the mid Atlantic (Pa, NJ, Del.) seeking to interview a father who is owed child support and is having trouble collecting.  If you are in this situation and would like to be considered for inclusion in the program please send a 100 word summary of your case along with your contact information for forwarding to the producers.  Obviously, ACFC has no control over the production and whose story may be used, we are however grateful this inequity in the system is being examined.  Send your story to [email protected] indicating CS Issue in the subject line.  Thanks."

The ACFC is a non-profit organization dedicated to the creation of a family law system, legislative system, and public awareness which promotes equal rights for all parties affected by divorce, the break-up of a family, or establishment of paternity.

More information about ACFC can be found at //www.acfc.org

The current order stipulates that we rotate claiming the children on our taxes.  I've petitioned for a custody change.  If I'm successful, can I ask for the order to be revised so that she cannot claim the children unless she provides more than 50% of the support for them?  

What if I'm not successful?  Can I still get that part modified?  She has no income, so I'm basically providing all of the children's support.  I don't think it's fair that she be able to claim them when she's not paying for them or paying any taxes - I'm paying all the taxes on the money she gets.

Any thoughts?

Last year my ex chose to close her case with support enforcement, and have me pay her directly.  Since then, I have been sending my support check to her on the first of the month via certified mail.  

Every month my ex sends me e-mails, text messages, and calls me (sometimes in front of the children), asking when she will get her support check, accuses me of being late every month, and accuses me of paying less than the minimum amount.  If I am picking up the children, she will ask me for it in front of them.  She will continue to do this, sometimes several contacts in one day, until the post office delivers the check to her.  She is asking me to give her the check in person instead of mail it.  I disagree with this for the obvious reasons, and think it's unecessary.  

Bottom line is that she closed her case with DCSE so that I have to pay her directly, and since then has used this as an opportunity to harrass me every month.  I am paying her the full amount ordered, and I send her the check on the first of every month.  Is there anything I can do to protect myself from this?

BM closed her case with DCSE a couple of months back, and asked that I start sending payments directly to her, which I have been doing.  I get paid on the firstm, and I send the check via certified mail on the 1st.  Normally, since we live in neighboring towns, it only takes a day for the check to get to her, but the last 2 months it's taken a couple of extra days.  As a result, BM is threatening me for being late on my child support payments.  

She wants me to give her the money during pick-up/drop-off times, or send it early (she "promised" not to cash it before the 1st if she got it before then - right).  I disagree with giving it to her early because (hello), it's illegal to post date or float a check.  I disagree with giving to her in front of the kids as well because I think that's exposing them to things they shouldn't be exposed to.

Is the court going to find me at fault for it being late if I have the certified mail receipt stamped the 1st?  I can't find anything that says when the support has to be paid.

I just got a reply from Socrateaser on a seperate question that said I should never co-mingle funds with my fiance (and I'm assuming wife once we are married) or share joint assets as long as I have a support obligation because my ex-wife could "attach" my fiance's assets.  What does this mean??  

Has anyone else heard of this?  I didn't know that someone could go after someone else's income or assets like this.  That makes no sense to me at all.  My support obligation didn't decrease when my ex-wife and the kids moved in with a man who makes twice what I do.  Why would my obligation increase due to my fiance's income and assets??

Someone please explain this to me...

My ex-wife has started making false allegations against me in regards to the children.  This has happened in the past when she accused an ex-girlfriends young son of molesting my daughter.  

I had no choice but to end the relationship and cut off all contact with my girlfriend and her son.  I'm not even sure if what she said happened really happened, but I don't want to question my daughter because the worst thing in the world would be something like that happening to her and me not believing her.

Lately she's started with it again.  Nothing of the magnitude of the last one, but I'm worried that she's working herself up to something like that again - and the allegations she's making are damaging enough.

Has anyone out there successfully dealt with a situation like this?  What should I be doing to counter-act this stuff?  How should I respond when she says stuff like that?  Whenever she makes a false accusation I always respond by telling her that it's not true, but her response is always "Oh, so you're calling your daughter a liar?"  It puts me in such a bad posiiton, and I don't know what to do about it.

I would appreicate anyone's advice.  

I was wondering if it would be possible to get a restraining order prohibiting my ex from telling people that my daughter was molested in my care.  

This was an allegation that she made over two years ago.  It was never reported to CPS, or anyone else.  My daughter was assessed by a Clinical Psychologist who did a forensic assessment of her, and his report states that he finds no evidence of any sexual abuse, and further states that it's his opinion that my daughter is being coached to say that she was abused.

She tells everyone involved with our custody case or the children that my daughter was molested.  From teachers to the kids therapists (both kids), doctors, the GAL, the home study person... everyone.  Now we have been ordered to attend counseling, and she told the counselor that my daughter was molseted while in my care.  I had to go in there armed with the Psychologists report and all the other documentation I have (letters from the PD and CPS stating that they have no record of a report being made) to try and prove that what she's saying is not true.

Is there any way to get her to stop doing this?  It is, in my opinion, slanderous and detrimental to my child to have everyone she is involved with believing that she was molested.

This is getting complicated, so let me give some background.  Sorry in advance for the long post.

My husband and his ex were in court 8 weeks ago for custody modification.  His motion was denied.  The judge ordered them to go to counseling to learn "cooperative co-parenting", and agreed to clarify the visitation schedule by giving exact dates and times for each visitation period.  He asked his ex's atty to write the order, and the GAL "volunteered" to mediate if they were unable to agree on a counselor.

Since then ex's atty submitted the order, but completely changed the rotation of the visitation schedule instead of just clarifying dates and times, and also added the verbiage "as father's work schedule allows".  His attorney refused to sign it, and sent her atty a letter asking her to remove that verbiage and correct the rotation of the visitation schedule.  That was 3 weeks ago.

My atty received correspondence from her atty stating that she didn't want the children to stay with me while their father was at work, and that she is refusing to remove the wording.  He responded that if she didn't revise the order we would have to go back before the judge, and that he was going to ask for atty fees because his ex refuses to comply with the court's ruling.  So, as it stands, there is no signed order.

In addition to that, the ex is causing a lot of problems with the therapy.  While my husband was waiting to receive a signed order before beginning therapy, she scheduled an appointment with a therapist without discussing it with him.  He got an e-mail stating "We have an appointment for court ordered therapy at (address) on (date and time)."  The name of the therapist wasn't included in the e-mail, and she scheduled it on our wedding day.  He responded and asked that she cancel the appointment because he would be unable to attend because that was his wedding day (she knew this months in advance).  He also stated that he would not agree to meet with anyone unless he had the opportunity to check their credentials in advance, and agreed to use them.  

She responded by saying that she would not cancel the appointment because "it had been long enough and the process needed to be started".  So, he googled the address and got the phone number, and cancelled the appointment himself.  He then sent her an e-mail and told her that he had cancelled the appointment, and that when we returned from our honeymoon he would send her a list of counselors that he would agree to see.

I recently found out that my ex plans to change the kids schools when her lease expires in a couple of months because she "doesn't like" my daughter's current school.  She feels that my daughter is given too much homework, and has an issue with the fact that they are required to wear a uniform.  The school is one of the best in the area, and my daughter is in the gifted program.  Changing her school would mean removing her from the gifted program.

The ex has yet to notify me (the divorce decree requires her to give 30 days advance notice).  I have joint legal and she has primary physical.  Is there anything I can do to prevent this move?

We went to court two weeks ago, and my ex's attorney was supposed to draw up the order.  We still haven't gotten it.  Is there any sort of time limit on this sort of thing?  What's the hold up?

I am considering asking the judge to order my ex to recieve individual counseling due to her history of making false accusations, and was wondering if judges would do something like that.

She was abused as a child, and I feel that her unresolved issues surrounding that are making it impossible for her to tell the difference between threatening and non-threatening situations.  I don't think she's doing it maliciously, I think that she really believes that the children are in some sort of danger.  For example, she thinks that a ten year old boy not wearing a shirt around a six year old girl is an indicator that the boy will attempt something sexual with the girl.  She regularly has a melt-down because of innocent situations (like the one I just described) which is very disruptive to me, and difficult for the children becuase it makes them scared too.

It's too late for psychological testing because we go to court in a week.  Any suggestions?

I need to find out how I can stop a therapist from treating my daughter.  I have joint legal custody of my daughter.  I do NOT want this therapist treating her, and have communicated such to my ex on several occaisions, and to the therapist.  I have asked for a different therapist and/or a second opinion, and my ex has refused and states that she won't stop taking her.  

How can I make this stop?  How is it legal for a someone to treat my child against my wishes?  I don't understand how this is possible, yet it is happening.  I don't understand how a therapist can get away with this.  

I would appreciate any advice.  Thank you.

Sorry for the long one -

My ex has been taking one of my daughters to a therapist for over a year for an alleged molestation (not by me- but at my house).  At the time of the allegation we were seperated and I was afraid that it was going to hurt me as far as visitation and custody went, and the ex threatened me with it every chance she got.  I didn't have an attorney and couldn't afford one.  So, I didn't feel that I could argue the therapy because I would be viewed as not looking out for the best interest of the child.

The alleged molestation was never reported to CPS, but my ex started taking my daughter to therapy.  The therapist is a LCSW, and she's been treating her for a molestation all this time.  I met with her in the beginning and asked her if she thought it had really happened, and she said that "something definitely happened".  I wanted to do what was best for my daughter, so I consented to the therapy.

It's now over a year later and she's still in treatment.  I now have an attorney and a much better understanding of my rights.  I have met with her therapist several times over the last few months, and she can't give me a straight answer on anything.  She refuses to give me access to my daughters therapy notes.  She said recently that she was told that CPS had been called but they never investigated because the "perpetrator" had left the state.  This is, of course, completely untrue.  She also said that when my daughter began therapy she had no feelings of shame associated with the incident, but she had recently begun to show them.

My feeling is that my ex has utilized this therapist to alienate my daughter from me by supporting her allegation of abuse, and then compounded the problem by treating her for something that she had never confirmed.  She never called CPS to see if I report had been filed - I have, and there wasn't.  She never filed anything herself.  She's, unwittingly, helped my ex create a memory in my daughter of something terrible that never happened.

I don't know what to do.  I have asked my ex to stop taking her there, and she won't listen to me.  She keeps saying that it would be "disruptive to her healing".  I don't want this woman treating my daughter anymore.  We have joint legal, but my ex has primary physical.  We have a pending custody hearing approaching.  Any advice on what I should do?  Should I report this therapist?

Hi Soc.  All parties reside in VA.  We had a hearing last week where BM's motion to amend child support was denied.  She has since found part time employment.  

Can she refile using this as a change in circumstance, or does she have to wait a certain period of time?

Thank you.

All parties reside in VA.  CP has primary physical, both parties share joint legal.

CP has recently begun instructing minor child (10 yrs old) in paganism, and showing child how to practice pagan rituals.  This is against the expressed wishes of NCP.  

Is this contempt if religious choice was not spelled out in divorce decree?  What can be done to stop it?

Hi Soc.  All parties in VA, parents share joint legal custody.  CP has been sending child to therapist without NCP's knowledge or consent.  NCP does not agree with choice of therapist for a lengthy list of reasons.  NCP notified therapist that he does not consent to treatment of minor child.

Questions:

Is CP in contempt for not consulting with NCP before sending child to therapist?

Now that both CP and therapist have been notified that NCP does not consent, if therapist continues to treat are they in violation of any laws?

Should we file show cause?

Thank you.

Soc,

All parties reside in VA.  BM has sole physical, both parties have joint legal.  

Almost two years ago BM accused my fiance's previous girlfriend's son of molesting on of thier daughters.  Allegations never went anywhere.  Boy was 8 or 9, daughter was five.  They were tickling each other and he accidentally touched her private.  No charges were ever filed, DSS never investigated.  

BM is bringing up these allegations again.  Sent an e-mail to the effect of "our daughter was molested at your house".  

How do you suggest we respond?

First, I'd like to say how thankful I am to have a resource like you.  This is a tough sitation to be in, and it does a lot for peace of mind to have advice from you.

All parties reside in VA, mother has sole physical and we share joint legal.  We have been having massive issues regarding visitation (mother does everything she can to block), and have petitioned the court for clarification.  The matter was continued, along with her original petition for support modification until Feb because I have to go out of town for work until then.

Since the we went to court and it was continued she has begun to make false allegations against me.  I am concerned because in the past she accused a prior girlfriend's young son of molesting my daughter.  I had no choice but to end the relationship due to the accusation, which was never verified.  I want to believe my daughter, but part of me wonders if it really happened, especially in light of all of the other false allegations she has made.  Of course, if I show any inkling of doubting the allegation I'm crucified by her for not believing my daughter, allowing it to happen, etc.  I felt stuck with no way to defend myself.

She has not made allegations of this magnitude as of late, but I am worried that it will happen again.  Mostly it's just saying that I'm irresponsible, can't be trusted with the children, I let my daughter sleep in the bed with my fiance and I, and things like that, but I am worried that it will get worse if she doesn't start getting her way.

Since she closed her case with DSCE I have had to start mailing her a check certified mail.  Now she's saying it's illegal for me to pay her that way because it's a joiny account with my fiance and she signed the check.

Two questions:

1.  Is there anything I can do about the false allegations?  How do you suggest I handle this?

2.  Is it illegal for me to pay her this way?  I can't imagine that it would be, but I just want to make sure.

We're in VA, my ex has sole physical and we have joint legal.  We're petitioning the court for clarification of visitation for various issues, and the matter has been continued until Feb, along with my ex's original spport modification petition.  

In response to the continuance, the ex is now limiting my time with the kids to a period of no more than 48 hours.  She states that this is what the visitation agreement says.  What it says is "weekends" - there is nothing about specific hours.  This is one of the problems we're seeking clarification on.  

Until Feb when the matter will be heard, can you tell me if there is a legal definition of weekend?  The only thing I can find is "the period between Friday evening and Sunday evening".  We have been following a set schedule of when I will pick up and drop off kids for weekend visitation for several months, I have her agreement to this schedule in writing.

Is this agreement equal to a contract, and can I enforce it?  Is there anything I can do until we go to court?

I am also leaving town for a 6 week temporary military assignment.  I know that the ex will not let my fiance see the kids and there isn't anything I can do about it.  If my fiance wants to bring the kids to see me on a weekend that I'm supposed to have visitation, can she do this?

I am the NCP, I have joint legal custody and my wife has sole physical custody of our two daughters, all reside in VA.  

Custody agreement states that I have visitation on all but the first weekend of every month, and "reasonable visitation" in addition to that.

For four months now I have requested time with my children after school or on holiday's when they are not is school, and all requests have been denied.  I have requested time 3 days to a week in advance, and have even offered to rearrange my work schedule in order to accomodate her choice of date/time in order to fit her schedule (she does not work).  Still, all requests have been denied.

I do not have an attorney.  I am considering filing an order to show cause for contempt of court ordered visitation, but I am not clear on how this works and what I will need in order to file.  

Questions:

1.  Can I file without an attorney?
2.  What sort of supporting documentation will I need?
3.  What is the usual outcome of an order to show cause for refusing visitation?

Thank you for your help.