Hello All:
From past posts you may know that I am married to a high-functioning BPD plus woman who is doing everything in her (and her family of origin's) power to attain full custody of our two daughters, 12 and 10, who are already showing signs of being "mombots" with respect to their Dad. I've coined a description for my W: She views every ""glass as half empty" and I am the one-armed sole waiter in the universe who cannot fill any of her glasses. In otherwords, she views me as the sole cause of all the unresolved pain and unhappiness in her life and she is determined to rid herself and our children of my existence. My heart is broken on so many levels that I lose friends by trying to tell them my story.
Her Mother was mentally ill and refused to hold or in any way bond with my W at birth. Her "Mom" emotionally, psychologically and physically abused (in my MIL's own words she "terrified" the kids their entire childhood and beyond. ("Dad", took a flyer, went MIA or worse during her whole life). My W's two brothers ,are also in terrible pain at 50 years of age. I unwittingly stubbled on documentary and audio proof on all the above and my W (close to 50) hates me for finding out the truth. Her chief fear was how she was going to tell her mother (pushing 80) that I have all this material in my possession. She is still terrifed of her Mom and the possibility of losing her children in a custody action. As you all know, applying any type of "reason" with her is futile but she doesn't realize that she is making her own worst fears come true b refusing to fing "the courage to heal."
My dilemna is this. From all I have studied BPD can be both genetically and environmentally (abuse) passed from one generation to the next. My W has been exposed to both but as they say, "It's not what you know but what you can prove." Courts are very relunctant to go down this road and since my W is so high-functioning, her charm and apparent honesty is very compelling. She has sytematically isolated and controlled our family life so no one but me and the kids see the real woman. They kids are, young, female, impressionalble and are slowly becoming programmed that Dad is the source of all Mom's pain. They are too young to be told the truth so my hands are tied.
So please, please here is my question: Does anyone know of any legal precedent in any state that would support my attempt to get my W's past into evidence? I know that courts are loath to go there but it is my only hope.
I've been posting my situation but receive few if any replies. Am I breaking some kind of Board Ediquette or something??? This must be a common and big problem for all those who have been or are in my position.
Please give me any lead you may have as I am about at the end of my rope. The only thing that keeps me going are my girls and to assure that this inter-generational curse is not passed down to them.
Thanks for listening, Cyclebraker (a.k.a "George Baily" just before "Clarence" intercedes)
From past posts you may know that I am married to a high-functioning BPD plus woman who is doing everything in her (and her family of origin's) power to attain full custody of our two daughters, 12 and 10, who are already showing signs of being "mombots" with respect to their Dad. I've coined a description for my W: She views every ""glass as half empty" and I am the one-armed sole waiter in the universe who cannot fill any of her glasses. In otherwords, she views me as the sole cause of all the unresolved pain and unhappiness in her life and she is determined to rid herself and our children of my existence. My heart is broken on so many levels that I lose friends by trying to tell them my story.
Her Mother was mentally ill and refused to hold or in any way bond with my W at birth. Her "Mom" emotionally, psychologically and physically abused (in my MIL's own words she "terrified" the kids their entire childhood and beyond. ("Dad", took a flyer, went MIA or worse during her whole life). My W's two brothers ,are also in terrible pain at 50 years of age. I unwittingly stubbled on documentary and audio proof on all the above and my W (close to 50) hates me for finding out the truth. Her chief fear was how she was going to tell her mother (pushing 80) that I have all this material in my possession. She is still terrifed of her Mom and the possibility of losing her children in a custody action. As you all know, applying any type of "reason" with her is futile but she doesn't realize that she is making her own worst fears come true b refusing to fing "the courage to heal."
My dilemna is this. From all I have studied BPD can be both genetically and environmentally (abuse) passed from one generation to the next. My W has been exposed to both but as they say, "It's not what you know but what you can prove." Courts are very relunctant to go down this road and since my W is so high-functioning, her charm and apparent honesty is very compelling. She has sytematically isolated and controlled our family life so no one but me and the kids see the real woman. They kids are, young, female, impressionalble and are slowly becoming programmed that Dad is the source of all Mom's pain. They are too young to be told the truth so my hands are tied.
So please, please here is my question: Does anyone know of any legal precedent in any state that would support my attempt to get my W's past into evidence? I know that courts are loath to go there but it is my only hope.
I've been posting my situation but receive few if any replies. Am I breaking some kind of Board Ediquette or something??? This must be a common and big problem for all those who have been or are in my position.
Please give me any lead you may have as I am about at the end of my rope. The only thing that keeps me going are my girls and to assure that this inter-generational curse is not passed down to them.
Thanks for listening, Cyclebraker (a.k.a "George Baily" just before "Clarence" intercedes)