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OK, so here is what happened.  Just as we thought, the GAL was assigned.  BM fought for private GAL to be paid for by BF and BM so we fought for court appointed GAL or if private GAL is assigned we felt that we should not pay as we don't think it is necessary.  We feel that there is so little cause for visitation denial that a GAL who acctually sees abuse cases, etc. will be amazed at how wonderful my husband is and perplexed by why the girls are refusing to visit.  We found out today that they are claiming emotional abuse...This is like a twightlight zone moment as we are trying to think of what they might be talking about.  Apparently there is no proof required to appoint the GAL so that is what happened.

And so it begins.  The GAL will interview everyone and will probably make a "plan" for visitation to reoccur and then the girls will refuse to comply and we will be out the money for the attorney....again.

What continues to amaze us is how the BM can file this motion or that motion and drag things out and NO ONE ever tells her that she must provide the children for visitation.  The commissioner only ruled on the line item which was GAL or no GAL.  This really feels like a bad B movie.  At least we now know from all of our research that none of this will probably change a thing and we must just wait for the girls to get past this part of their lives.

Will keep everyone posted about the process.  Hopefully it is helpful.  We are coming up on the 2 year anniversary of the divorce....isn't it amazing that we are only at this point?  And the girls just keep growing up without us....

Sadly, Lawless

Thanks for your message.  This is exactly how I expect court to go for us.  This is why we stopped the process.  It is interesting that it is the BM who is taking my husband to court and requesting a GAL.  She wants to be completely removed from the situation.  I can tell you how it will go....Court will appoint GAL and spank BM for not being a parent by telling the children that they must go with and speak to their father.  GAL will determine that children should go on visitation.  Teenage daughters will refuse to come and nothing will be done about it as BM will support this.
We originally had younger daughter coming on visitation and then BM and older sister eventually convinced her to refuse too.  Very similar situation.  Court is March 22 and will post results if anyone is interested.
Lawless

I guess I am not being clear about the degree of PAS we are dealing with here.  The girls don't want to see, hear from, or talk to their Dad.  This is supported by Mom.  So they don't take phone calls, have hysterical fits if he shows up at any activity, and regularly send him e-mails begging him to give them "time" until they are "ready" to talk to him again.  This has been going on for coming up on 2 years.  The girls admit that their reason for this is because they don't like the divorce and most of all don't like that Dad has someone besides Mom (me).  They say that "Mom is never going to be OK and it is your fault because you left her."  Here is what my husband does for his girls:
1.  Calls them and leaves sweet messages on their cell phones daily
2.  Asks them to go out for ice cream / skiing / dinner / etc etc...anything....every time they refuse to come for visitation and in between times too
3.  Arranges family counseling sessions with them every other week which they refuse to attend (they are "not ready")
4.  Pays for weekly individual counseling for both of them
5.  Speaks to both of their counselors about every other week
6.  Spends countless hours trying to find out when and where their soccer games and other activities are as they refuse to tell him as does the Mom
There is a ton more. We have read Divorce Poison and I feel like I could have actually written it as we have been through almost everything in that book.  It has been at least helpful to know that we are not the only ones taking crazy pills!  The most amazing thing in all of this is that NO ONE will tell these girls to knock it off and that they need to have their father in their lives.  Mom says "do whatever you need to do".  Counselors say "you don't have to do anything that is too hard".   Maybe the GAL will actually help......
Thanks for your kind words of support,
Lawless

My husband has 8 days per month of visitation that he schedules because he travels for work.  This usually means (in theory) every other Thurs-Sun but the girls refuse to come.  Our house is less than 2 miles from the BM's house.  It is a little more complicated than it sounds because we live in a different state most of the time (where my boys are) and maintain a house in BM's city in order to have the girls for visitation.
Lawless

No, she doesn't "force" the children to do anything including going to school if they don't want to.  And she will not tell them they must go on visitation.  She is adamant about this.  It is their choice according to her.  Some people don't have "good" parenting skills.  She feels that she is a good parent by allowing them to make all of their own choices.

Thanks for your thoughts, Lawless

Thanks, your story certainly has a happy ending.  The alienation has taken a new turn in recent weeks and we are going to court as BM has requested a guardian ad litem so that she can completely get herself out of the situation.  BM refuses to force the girls to do anything including going to sports practices, school, etc. if they don't want to.  At this point, the girls are not taking their father's phone calls as well as refusing to see him at all.  All of this is so amazing to watch.  Their reason is because he left their Mom.....It has been 2 years.  No one, including the girls' counselors, are willing to tell them that they are hurting themselves by refusing to have their father in their lives.   The counselors tell the girls not to do anything (including speaking to their father on the phone) until they are "ready".  The girls and BM say it will be "years" before they are "ready".  We are fighting like crazy but are very doubtful that anything will change until the girls grow up.  BM says that this is all between my husband and the girls and she will have nothing to do with it.  Legal advice from Socrateaser is that we will lose in court.  No one will make the girls come on visitation.  We are bitterly disappointed in BM, the girls, the counselors.  We have absolutely no hope that a GAL will make any difference.  Sometimes it just feels like a bad dream.  Thanks for the supportive words by all.
Lawless

While I agree that the children certainly benefit from time spent with steppies such as myself ;-), I can see in a perfect world of co-parenting that when the parent is away for a full week this might be offered to the other parent.  My opinion is that 20-30 minutes is certainly different than a full week.  If this is logistically difficult then it seems to me that if the BM is willing to transport, she be allowed to have the child for that week.  This is the way my ex and I have handled this situation.  We have an unofficial "right of first refusal" with anything more than a day or two.  This is easy for us, however, because we live 10 minutes apart.

On the other side, the BM of my SDs want a right of first refusal when the girls might have to spend a few hours with me and they are teenagers!  Ridiculous...especially since they can be home ALONE.

Of course, time spent with all family and adults related or unrelated who love the child and keep him or her safe, active, and healthy is time well spent.  

On a side note, I think it is important to only respond to the current questions or comments and not to add extra and personal advice or opinions when they are not asked for.

Lawless

You might want to ask Dear Socrateaser about this.
Lawless

What a bummer!  This is a really difficult problem and so unfortunate that you would have to waste time and money going to court.  

This might sound like a really stupid question but I travel a lot for work and change flights all the time.  Have you tried changing the flight?   I also miss flights due to traffic in LA fairly often and they just put me on the next flight.  The most I have ever paid to change a ticket is a $100 change fee even when they say they cannot be changed.  

This seems much much cheaper than attorneys and court.  Or maybe you mean that you are going to court over the "definition of a full day".

Lawless

Thanks, good advice!  Our attorney is researching potential GALs so apparently we can request a particular person.  We have no idea what to expect.   My step daughters and their mother have requested the GAL thinking that the GAL will allow the children to continue to refuse visitation based on their purely emotional reasons (upset about me, new step mom).  We are thinking this may backfire on them as there are no actual reasons for them to refuse visitation other than they don't want to come over.  The girls are teenagers.  We aren't sure why they want a GAL. The case is in Utah in case anyone has had experience there.
Lawless