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What I don't understand is, if we have the legal right to make a "C" GPA and full time student status requirements for our support, then how do we verify this without access to the student's school records?

We have a non-cooperative relationship with both BM and SD, and we live several states away.

Stand your ground.  If disagreeing with them is going to start a war, then so be it.  Your in-law's feelings in this matter should not bear one iota of weight.  You have to protect your children at ALL costs.

As far as purchasing an RV, I wouldn't purchase Jack *&%$ to make life easier and nicer for a rapist.  I can tell you that if anyone ever layed one hand on my kids in that manner, they'd have their head ripped off and handed to them.  There would be no discussion of ANY kind about what's "fair".

If MIL and FIL are so in love with the kid, he can go spend time at THEIR house, and your family can visit him there if they choose to do so.  Your only priority should be to protect your kids, because they're counting on YOU for that.  The other members of their family obviously aren't thinking clearly.

As I've posted before, we're in the process of negotiating the terms of college support. It's been standard practice for many years that in order to receive college support, the student has to forward all report cards and transcripts to the paying parent(s).

Well, our attorney told us yesterday that in the lovely state of Illinois, some judges aren't granting this stipulation because the children in college are adults, and therefore, giving this information to the paying parent(s) would be an invasion of their privacy!!!

If she's an "adult" and thus has no responsibility to show us her grades, then she can pay for her own education.

Sheesh... This country we're living in gets more ridiculous by the minute.

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I'm very very sorry for what you are going through.  These posters have given you some great advice, to which I'd like to add my two cents.

It looks as if your life has completely spun out of balance, which is understandable under the circumstances.  I think you're getting some signs that you need to slow down, take a breath and re-group.  Go for a walk or get together with a friend... talk about anything OTHER than your divorce situation.  Take things one day, one minute, at a time, and don't get so far ahead of yourself.  I know this seems impossible from where you're sitting now, but you really need some time and space to clear your head.

Believe me, so many of us have been where you are now, and I know you may think I'm nuts for telling you to get your mind off of it - but you really need to get some distance from this stuff or it is going to destroy you.  And if that happens, then your daughter loses.

Think "balance"... you need to balance your efforts to move with maintaining your everyday life.  After you've taken a few days off from thinking about the situation, sit down and make a concrete plan starting with how you're going to get that truck fixed.  First order of business is to find employment.  Without it, you'll get absolutely nowhere.  I don't know what your education level or your skills are, and I might sound ridiculous for suggesting this... but what about becoming a truck driver?  You could maybe get a route that goes out to Colorado and back a few times a month, see your daughter and earn money at the same time.  Here's a link:
http://www.employmentguide.com/jobdetails.html?jobid=480386

I'm grasping at straws, but you seem to be open to suggestions.  Please take care of yourself.

Best Regards,
Hazel

Hi Genie,

I do not know of any spouses in Illinois who have had their income considered for child support, but this is only because believe it or not, I do not have any friends in Illinois who are divorced.  (I live in South Carolina right now.)

As to your other question, DH's child is not in college yet, but will be graduating from High School in June.  According to two different attorneys, we are obligated to pay not only college costs but also living expenses until she gets a bachelor's degree - no matter how long that takes.

Best Regards,
Hazel

"Corrupt"... That's it in a nutshell, absolutely.  Illinois is one of the states where the LEAST amount of thought is put into legislation regarding Child Support.  The "Land of Lincoln" is merely the "Land of the Status Quo."  

Thanks for your post.

Genie, I appreciate your dialogue on this matter.  :)  I'm very glad to hear that your income has never been considered, and I hope it stays that way.  Here's a link with some info:

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/illinois/ilart_10

Look carefully at paragraphs 4 and 6.

The issue I have with Illinois is that if the NCP makes a lot of money, as my DH admittedly does, then the CP gets off without having to contribute one thin dime.  Honestly, having this kind of money rolling in has changed her and has made her totally blood thirsty for more...

There are lots and lots of ways to calculate the actual cost of raising children, but our lovely legislature won't do that because it's too much work... Far easier (read "lazy") to say "20%, no exceptions!" and slam the gavel down.  DH and I have 4 children of our own, and I could tell you almost to the penny what I spend on them each month.  I personally think that child support should be limited to $500.00 for one child.  Assuming the CP contributes something, then any child could be WELL cared for on that kind of money.

The thing with other states is that most of them consider the CP's income rather than just the NCP's.  I calculated our CS burden using North Carolina's method (just to see), and it came out that with all things being equal, we'd be paying $500.00 less per month in North Carolina...  That's nearly half as much as we're paying now!!  So I do think there are other states that have it more together than Illinois.

Typically, the incomes of the bio parents aren't so far apart as ours are... If the CP makes a salary that's even in the same ballpark as the NCP, then it could be assumed that both parents are contributing to the support of the child.  But in our case, we've paid the entire bill for many years, and that has a tendency to make a person bitter and angry.  And to add insult to injury, Illinois statutes repeatedly state that BOTH parents are responsible for providing financial support for the child, yet in our case that just isn't so and nobody even wants to hear about it.

And now... even though we've already paid much more than our fair share, they still won't remove their claws from our behinds... No matter how much we pay or have paid, it will never be enough... :(

Thanks very much for the info.

As for Illinois being "fair" in child support calculations, I have to respectfully disagree with you.  The fact that the CP income is not considered makes it less fair than other states.  In Illinois, the CP could win the lottery and become a millionare, and the NCP's payment would not decrease one bit.  You see, it's not about providing for the child, it's about punishment.

Admittedly, I've become a little bitter.  I've been in the Illinois CS system for 15 years now.  DH currently pays $1100.00 for one child, and that's just not right.  It has nothing to do with subsequent children... Child Support needs to be based on the child's actual needs.  In our case, BM makes only 20K per year, so we now supply more than half of her income, and she doesn't pay a dime of tax on child support, as we all know.  She has never been motivated to use that money to better her condition via more schooling, but rather uses it for vacations and tanning instead.  She has been continually rewarded because of her ex's exemplary work ethic.  This is a man who went back to college and got a bachelor's degree while also working 50 hours per week and supporting another family.  He works hard, she sits on her butt and reaps the benefits.  He made only 6 dollars per hour at the time of the divorce.  She is fighting like hell now to keep that child support money coming in, in spite of the fact that her "child" is now an adult.  She does not feel that her "child" should need to attend college classes full time or have any required GPA to collect college support.  (Here comes another generation of "do-nothings" who will expect to have their way paid for them while they sit on the couch playing Play Station and munching on Doritos.  Hey, why not? It worked for Mom!!!)

In addition, you are incorrect in stating that Illinois does not consider spousal income.  They started doing so about 2 years ago.  In the event that your DH is taken back to court for more CS, they can and WILL consider YOUR income.  You may want to research this further.

My DH has paid and paid and paid - for 17 years, ever since his ex kicked him to the curb because she had someone else and decided she was "too young" to be married.  He's never missed a payment and has never been late.  The time has come now for it to be OVER, but it won't be.

The CS system has created a bunch of entitled, lazy brats.  That's just my opinion....

I'm absolutely not flaming you, so please don't take it that way.  I'm just extremely frustrated at being told that Illinois isn't "that bad", when  my own experience tells me otherwise.:(

They've managed to successfully eliminate any definition of "Emancipation" for adult children.  Several years ago, there were well defined criteria for emancipation, i.e. marriage, joining the armed forces, etc... Now these criteria have DISAPPEARED.  I've been studying case law regarding college support, and the only reference to emancipation I can find in any of the statutes is in regards to emancipated minors.  The state of Illinois now does not consider a child of divorce "emancipated" until they receive a BACHELOR's DEGREE.  And, according to our attorney, if it takes 10 years to earn said degree, then we're on the hook to pay for 10 years.  (Yes, we're looking for another attorney - know of anyone???)

The state legislators, I believe, deliberately did this so that those of us who pay support would have to continue to do so indefinately...x(   After paying for 17 years, and looking forward to the graduation date, IT WILL NEVER END if they have their way!!!!

This makes me absolutely sick.