Messages

I think Kitty hit the nail on the head.  You called her bluff, she thought it would never happen, and now she doesn't want to stand behind what she agreed to before.  And she has allowed more time with dad, no reason to go backwards with his parenting time.

bluecat -

My son's father is the exact same way.  It's his way to the T or he's filing.  Kitty had a great idea, contact the SM and see if both of you can work something out.  If he's that controlling with you, he probably is the same with her.  Without his presence, maybe both of you can work on something.

I personally see nothing wrong with allowing your daughter as she gets older to take items back and forth, as long as both dad and you agree to make sure they are returned.  Or if it's something siginificant, explain that you would like it to be left at home and is there something else small she could take.  I think it promotes that mom and dad can work together on some things.  My brother and his ex-wife have always done this.  My neice is now 8 and she knows what she takes to the other house, she must leave with when she returns to the other parent. 

Regardless of whether or not we get to play it with the child first, etc. - it's exciting for the child which is most important.  I think if your child wants to share their excitement from the other parent's house, you should share in that excitement regardless of your personal feelings.  It's bound to happen at either parents' house.

gemini -

Our CS order states I pay the first $250 for out-of-pocket medical, but it doesn't clarify if medical is all inclusive to dental, eye, etc.  Not sure how that would work with your husband as NCP either but if it's medically necessary it should fall under that clause.  Anything I pay out of pocket over that and he refused to reimburse me, I have to submit directly to domestics and they take the ball from there. 

I think Ocean made a good point, see if the orthodontist will bill her her portion while you and your husband pay yours directly.  Kitty made a great point too by finding a dental college.  I work for a dental manufacturing company, we have a divisional R&D building beside mine, they do pro bono work for the public at times.  Another avenue to try if there is one close to you.

Sorry Mixed - paid in full.  Thanks for all of your input everyone, makes sense now

This might be a stupid question but I needed some clarification.  I've read posts that in some states CS and custody are seperate entities and in some states they are combined.  I've also read posts that judges ordered CS to be PIF or adjusted up or down- I can't remember which type of state those posts were in.

I'm in a state where they are considered seperate, but do they ever overlap?  Can a judge order CS be paid as part of a court order in a custody matter?

To add to snowrose's post regarding a 5 year old and therapy - I know in my area we have a center that does art therapy for children of younger ages for these kind of cases.  It's actually a seperate center that is privately funded, but ours can be found through our local United Way. 

Also, when we were court ordered to our co-parenting classes, the center Family First, that holds these also does therapy for children of all ages and has tons of connections to these sorts of organizations.  Might be another path in helping your son handle your current situation.

Giggles -

We were court ordered to take the co-parenting class, I think my area is starting to mandate it from the way my attorney spoke.  They actually asked when you registered the opposite parents name and if you were ever convicted of a crime/domestic violence/abuse - they made a point to seperate parents into different classes so they would feel comfortable sharing and contributing to the class.  I thought the instructor was great and kept my list of "I words" handy...still do :-)

Kitty - when you speak about evaulations ordered by the court, what has to be said or shown for the judge to order this (other than confirmed criminal activity)?  Or is it "whatever mood the judge is in" type of decision?  I had already waived by first evaluation from the first pre-trial conference but didn't know if another one could be requested.  And I guess when - we already had a 2nd pre-trial conference and are scheduled for trial in 2 weeks.  Before I mention something to my attorney, thought I would query here first.

I think as 2 grown adults(who are also parenting children and yet acting this way), should both at this point agree to disagree and move on.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion regardless of what the rest of us think.  It's whether you're adult enough to handle it.

Not pointing fingers at either but for the sake of the rest of us, let it go.

I agree with ocean and Momfor - you should really reconsider allowing her to participate if it's something she really wants to do.  If all the travel to and from is too much maybe mom would help out since it's for your daughter.  If it's something she really wants to do at that age, she'll probably resent the fact she wasn't allowed.  Or maybe she'll find out it wasn't for her afterall.