Stillsober
First of all WAY TO GO!!! on your sobriety
My DH has a similar story to yours. His original visitation was set at 4 hours every other Sunday at his Ex's home and Christmas day in the Ex's home. (NO FREAKING WAY!!) She is the reason he had a drug problem to begin with. After the divorce, DH left MI and moved out of state. He went to stay with family and get his life back. DH could not call the kids without Ex spending an hour or more (long distance) telling him how he ruined her life and how he should have just killed himself and that would have been the best things for her and the kids. Needless to say he didn't call very often because it wasn't worth putting up with her for an hour or more, just to get 5 minutes on the phone with the kids. (Usually spending that 5 minutes telling him how he made mommy cry.)
Well, you've been there, when you are at that point in recovery, your self esteem is holding steady at about a 1.
Once DH and I met, I encouraged him to call the kids more. Never mind what the Ex said, I was here to lift him back up after she tore him down. It took a little time, but she finally stopped keeping him on the phone so long and now 5 1/2 years later, she wont even talk to him.
DH obviously couldn't travel 2000 miles to spend 4 hours with the kids in her home EOW. Two years past before he finally had the strength and the ability to go for a modification.
Heres what he did.. DH was told by the state of MI Friend of the court that he needed to request the change from the Ex. They told him that unless she refused the change they would not accept the request.
DH sent a letter to his Ex stating the changes that he wanted, we sent it certified mail and kept a copy for our records. When the return mail receipt came we attached it to the letter. Ex wrote back and stated that she would not agree to the changes and that the children would NEVER leave the state of MI with him.
We filed with the Friend of the court for visitation modification. The Judge ordered DH to visit the kids in MI during holidays from school for 6 months, DH had to have attendance signed at his NA meetings to show he was going to at least 2 meetings a week, and he had to have random urine test done once a month. DH did all that was ordered of him and 6 months later we went back to court. DH was giving 2 weeks in the summer, every other Christmas, Thanksgiving, Winter break from school and Spring Break. We get the kids 3 or 4 times a year and they ALWAYS leave the state of MI to come to Texas.
So if you have a Friend of the court type service try them, be prepared to have to prove yourself to the courts. (Ex drove 36 hours round trip to CO to see the kids for Christmas (judge said so) and the Ex only allowed him 4 hours with the kids.) Once you do all that, expect it to be rocky for a period because of all the change, but I can tell you it smooths out and the bond can be rebuilt.
Good luck and don't keep waiting... you need to get the ball rolling.. YOU CAN DO IT!!! If you can win over an addiction... you can do anything!!
KB
First of all WAY TO GO!!! on your sobriety
My DH has a similar story to yours. His original visitation was set at 4 hours every other Sunday at his Ex's home and Christmas day in the Ex's home. (NO FREAKING WAY!!) She is the reason he had a drug problem to begin with. After the divorce, DH left MI and moved out of state. He went to stay with family and get his life back. DH could not call the kids without Ex spending an hour or more (long distance) telling him how he ruined her life and how he should have just killed himself and that would have been the best things for her and the kids. Needless to say he didn't call very often because it wasn't worth putting up with her for an hour or more, just to get 5 minutes on the phone with the kids. (Usually spending that 5 minutes telling him how he made mommy cry.)
Well, you've been there, when you are at that point in recovery, your self esteem is holding steady at about a 1.
Once DH and I met, I encouraged him to call the kids more. Never mind what the Ex said, I was here to lift him back up after she tore him down. It took a little time, but she finally stopped keeping him on the phone so long and now 5 1/2 years later, she wont even talk to him.
DH obviously couldn't travel 2000 miles to spend 4 hours with the kids in her home EOW. Two years past before he finally had the strength and the ability to go for a modification.
Heres what he did.. DH was told by the state of MI Friend of the court that he needed to request the change from the Ex. They told him that unless she refused the change they would not accept the request.
DH sent a letter to his Ex stating the changes that he wanted, we sent it certified mail and kept a copy for our records. When the return mail receipt came we attached it to the letter. Ex wrote back and stated that she would not agree to the changes and that the children would NEVER leave the state of MI with him.
We filed with the Friend of the court for visitation modification. The Judge ordered DH to visit the kids in MI during holidays from school for 6 months, DH had to have attendance signed at his NA meetings to show he was going to at least 2 meetings a week, and he had to have random urine test done once a month. DH did all that was ordered of him and 6 months later we went back to court. DH was giving 2 weeks in the summer, every other Christmas, Thanksgiving, Winter break from school and Spring Break. We get the kids 3 or 4 times a year and they ALWAYS leave the state of MI to come to Texas.
So if you have a Friend of the court type service try them, be prepared to have to prove yourself to the courts. (Ex drove 36 hours round trip to CO to see the kids for Christmas (judge said so) and the Ex only allowed him 4 hours with the kids.) Once you do all that, expect it to be rocky for a period because of all the change, but I can tell you it smooths out and the bond can be rebuilt.
Good luck and don't keep waiting... you need to get the ball rolling.. YOU CAN DO IT!!! If you can win over an addiction... you can do anything!!
KB