Messages

Thanks for the reply...In my heart I know I'm doing the right thing....but sometimes the frustration level gets to be excessive..and just when I think she can't pull anymore crap...she does.  Good luck to and yours...

Congrats, brother.  The hard work paid off...just continue to dot your I's and cross your T's....she may just be regrouping for a fight later as mine continues to do.  NEVER trust her...

Brief synopsis...BM voluntary tries to move out of state because she knows the best way to get back at me is taking my boy away (this was 1999 and boy was then 5).   After trial is over and I'm awarded custody...BM from day one makes Son feel guilty for not living there. ("Mommy is sooo sad when you are not here"..etc).  Since then there have been 4 occasions she has tried to re=open the whole sha-bang with every little blip in this boys life (mis-behaving at school..).  EVERY time it is shot down by the judge (I am remarried with a 2 year old and another on the way--God bless my new wife).  BM gets divorced from husband #2 and is now engaged to be married again.  The whole time the guilt trip on the boy.  The straw that broke the camel's back was that we punished boy for mis-behaing (sent to his room for a few hours) and he cries to BM that he doesn't want to live here anymore, gonna run away, etc (all this while he was still angry).  The kicker is that she has told him "I tried to get you to live with me several times but the courts wouldn't let me".  Why would  one say this to a 10 year old??!!  My guess is that I'll be going to court on the new tack that she believes he wants to live with her. (in actuality take him from his siblings and time with me would be next to nothing as I work weekends.  Opinions, please...what should I do?  I feel as though it will never end with this woman.  I just want to let him be a kid, yet all I do is damage control without trying to trash his mother...

I was just wondering what your gut feeling says will be the outcome?  I know after mine I was so relieved that it was over, but also so anxious that it could have gone either way.  I wish you the best...hang in there!

Can you be more specific about the questions....I know they go through the whole mental health history, legal history, etc.  Sometimes they just ask questions to see who knows the child better not just that "she belongs to me".  And of course they'll go through you're personal history to see if you are a stable person or if you have any major biases, opinions, etc.

GAL sounds way too involved and biased..get her replaced ASAP.  From what you say, I would say it borders on unprofessionalism..keep us advised.

Surprisingly, no, but I half expect her to try it someday.  What she did (with her very deep pockets) was to try to modify custody ANY time there was a "change in circumstance".  My boy was having trouble in school socially..I was taken to court.  I moved him out of the school that BM hated...I was taken to court.  There were two others, but I forget what they were for.  The point was to aggravate me and give my lawyer more money.  Luckily, the court saw through all of them.  Now all she does (she's divorced again and the pockets ain't so deep no more) is make my son feel guilty for not spending more time with her.  
Both you and I deal with mentally unstable exes..for yours and Peanut's sake I hope your ex doesn't pull any of this crap....keep us advised. Enjoy the victory, but be on your guard...

Congrats....it is a wonderful feeling.  Hopefully BM won't pull the same shit mine did after she lost....be prepared for that.  If not, then you are way ahead of the game...

>I hope one day to read about similar victories for our kids
>but when it is a "level playing field", i.e., two great
>parents, good working relationship, NO skeletons/parenting
>issues.  Just a father wanting more time with his kids, plain
>and simple and Mommy doesn't want to lose any of her 70%.


I guess I would have been considered one on the "level playing field". All I wanted was to spend more time with my son (ex and I separated when he was 1 y.o).  So I tracked all the time...it was about 50/50...I was paying support.  Then she decides she wants to leave the state for a new job. (about same pay as former job)..make a long story short, I got joint physical until it was time for him to go to kindergarten and then we did the whole thing all over again....I came down to "what do you do when you have two good parents?(my definition of her being good was slightly different from the courts, however).  Ultimately, because my whole family was here and I was soooo emotional on the stand that I won (my son was the real winner).  

>That's my situation, and I have to go to court to hopefully
>get increased time from current 30/70 arrangement.  Two
>fantastic, well adjusted, happy/healthy boys 4 and 6 that I
>have made unreal sacrifices to be involved in their day to day
>lives.
>
>It just seems the ONLY time 50/50 is granted is when (1) the
>Mother has some serious parenting issues and/or both parents
>agree to 50/50 without a court fight.  Neither of those is my
>case, simple case of two very capable, loving, devoted parents
>but a Mother that won't budge from status quo (70/30 Mom).

You just have to keep plugging away..and if it's not this year, it could be when they are in their early teens and want more time with you.  Cherish every moment...and always re-evaluate what is best for them (because it does change over time).  I wish you luck, my friend.
>

>There's so much name calling on thsse boards...no wonder you
>are all here.

Interesting assumption..I happen to be the CP.