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My God! I just got an e-mail from my accountant regarding the taxes I will be paying covering 6 months of  2004 & calendar year 2005 for my part-time babysitter who watches the kids. The verdict is: $5,500 for the government & $1,150 for the State.

You're probably saying, "NJDad, what's this about? I just pay my babysitter $20 bucks to watch the kids. I have a guy stop by and do my yard work and pay him $50 a week."

To that I say, "Well, as a single parent who is receiving child support, I must hire legal help or else face possible tax evasion charges that my Ex could bring on the next court appearance, and the key word is LEGAL."


Well, out infamous US Tax Code does not allow you to 1099 a babysitter, cleaning person or yard worker, yet you MUST claim them. To quote form 1040:

"Household Employee. Any person who does household work is a household employee if you can control what will be done and how it will be done. Household work includes work done in and around your home by babysitters, nannies, health aids, maids, yard workers, and similar domestic workers"


So if you can't 1099 them as a contractor, then what do you do? Well, good question. Here's what an average homeowner has to do to stay LEGAL in this country:

1) Obtain a Federal Employer ID number (EIN).

2) Get a State Taxpayer ID Number (TIN).

3) Get Disability & Workers Compensation Insurance for your House.

4) Submit W-4's to the Treasury and Social Security.

5) Submit W-2's to each and every babysitter hired.

6) Withhold FICA, State Unemployment Tax & Federal Income tax from the babysitter.

7) Pay your portion of FICA & FWT.

8) Maintain & Submit quarterly and yearly Federal & State forms.

9) Receive multiple letters from the Unemployment Board, the Dept. of Labor and Workforce Development, the IRS and the Social Security Administration. Almost on a weekly to bi-weekly basis.

10) Hire a freaking accountant to figure out this mess.


Now this law unduly punishes the single parent over the normal married household. After all, who in their right mind is going to go through all of this stuff if they are married? It's not like there is a monitored court ruling or bitter ex waiting to rat out the other party. I would just like to know how many politicians are actually hiring domestic help and not going through this onerous process? Some will say, "Well, you should be paying taxes after all you are hiring someone and you are a US citizen." To that I say, "Have you ever paid someone to help out around the house? Also, it should less onerous on a family and something which is evenly levied. After all, a family should not have to set themselves up as a small business to hire a babysitter!"

Apparently, the only way to beat this is to become a State Senator or other politician. It seems that they are all hiring illegal Guatemalan house workers and getting away with it!

You know, I'm probably one of 10 jerks in my state doing this? The other nine are probably also divorced and doing it because of custody issues.

Also, just as a side bar. The money I pay in these taxes alone is 1/2 of what I receive in child support from my Ex, per the State's guidelines. Their mom has $1.2M in real estate and $250K in the bank in securities, but she does not have a job. She originally had the kids and as a matter of avoiding an appeal, the judge did not tamper with her financial settlement or alimony.

I pay her $840/month in alimony and she pays me back $530 in child support. Hence, she pay's the minimum since it is based off of her 'income'. Of the money I get back, half goes to paying these taxes for the sitter. During custody, I said that I had someone to watch the kids for $375/week. But the matter of all these taxes were never thought of, since it was mentioned about 1099ing them. Who would have thought that to stay legal, would be so oppressive?

Dear Socrateaser,


I live in New Jersey and am currently paying around $840/month in alimony. Originally, my ex-wife had residential custody of our four young children when the divorce was finalized. Even though we were married less than 10 years, I was ordered to pay permanent alimony. This was because she is collecting SSD benefits and the Judge wanted her to receive support income throughout the children's school years. Within one year of our divorce, she lost custody of them and they now live with me.


While the divorce was finalizing, 2 ½ years ago, she began dating someone and six months ago he moved in with her. Within the past two weeks, they jointly purchased a home and have just closed on it. (Note: She will now own 3 houses.) I was able to view the deed on-line, as a PDF document, at the County Clerk's website. In the deed, he listed her house - which was our former matrimonial household, as his place of residence. Since they are cohabitating and not marrying it seems as though she will still be able to collect alimony, possibly at a reduced rate if I file a motion.


I have a couple of questions:

1) What factors can determine the cessation of alimony?

2) Could cohabitation make the jump from just living with someone to being indicative of a more serious relationship commitment - on par with marriage (Especially when the two parties mutually purchase a new home to live in.)?


Thanks so much,
NJDad

Hi,

I am a single residential parent of 4 children under 11 years of age.

I resolved many of these issues by seeing a parenting coach, who by the way works via the telephone for most of the sessions and the on-the-spot parenting situations that flair up from time to time.

She taught logical consequences, both good and bad, plus four other techniques. The phone access to the BM's household should not be restricted. This may become a problem, because I know a friend at work who's daughters are on the phone with their mom until 1 AM. I can see where this may be a problem since they are supposed to be asleep. The BM mom should understand that a 10 PM curfew to her house is imposed. And that's it. This is not unreasonable.

As far as calling their friends. Stick to your guns. If they want to call after 8, until 10 PM, then they have to do chores around the house. Be consistant. After a couple of weeks, you won't have to reinforce the policy and they will know you are serious about it. It's just part of their family obligations, not something that they get paid for. However, getting extra phone time is a benefit. A weekly allowance is not stressed, but if the kids have good behavior then their efforts should be rewarded. It does not have to be cash, but could be getting them something that they are desiring. You want to give them something because they are deserving of it, not because you have to or are forced into it. Kids are smart and they'll catch onto what's going on.

As far as the phone costs, either get your carrier's $50+ unlimited national calling plan or get a VoIP line from Vonage. many people at work have installed these and do nothing but praise them. It will keep your costs down to being real cheep. Depending on if you are getting a lot of collect calls, you may want to investigate an 800 service add-on.

The kids will always say, at Mom's I can do this -or- Dad let's me do this. This is something that they will have to learn is different. Each parent has different styles and beliefs of how things should be handled. If the child's request is not onerous or out-of-line, then I do not see why it should not be allowed.

IMHO, at 11 years of age, a 10 PM phone curfew is reasonable. 11 PM is pushing it but if your child is up at that time without any adverse effects, that 11 PM may work as well. I feel an 8 PM limit is a little harsh in this day and age.

Best wishes,
Wayne

Dear Fellow SPARCsters,


I am the residential parent of a beautiful little girl who is 3 ¾ years old and quite social. She was born in December, so she will not be attending kindergarten for two years. Currently, she is staying home during the school days, with a babysitter, while her three older siblings go to school.  

I would like to enroll her in a 9 AM to 3 PM daycare program near home to give her the chance to play and interact with other children, as well as learn various tasks. This facility has the standard daycare regime as well as offering gymnastics and a swimming pool. Many of the other neighborhood families already place their kids in daycare programs and it's not just because of work related issues.

The Ex claims that it is too much time for a girl her age to be in a daycare facility and, for me to save money, I should just entertain free township and county library programs a couple of times per week - even though there would be no extra support charges for her to pay. Additionally, she says that at most I should only entertain part-time daycare sessions twice each week. She says that placing our daughter in daycare would be a disservice since she would not be getting the one-on-one attention she deserves.


I would like to construct a list of the pros and cons for entering a child into daycare to supply to our children's counselor.


Thanks. Any help would be greatly appreciated,
Wayne

Hi Kitty C.


I think I spoke to you last year! How's things going?


I made a mistake in what I wrote. I corrected it above. I spoke to my daughter. My twin sisters spoke to both my one sister's 10-year old daughter and my 10-year old daughter about it."....

The 'talk' my sister and I had was with my oldest daughter, who's 10. The Ex flipped out that I involved my sister in the discussion because the Ex hates my sister. During her ranting, she hung the phone up and called CPS claiming that I was teaching my 3 year old to 'get off' on the couch.

I have been noticing my 3-year old doing this for a while and I would either ignore it or just redirect her attention. I witnessed my Ex hitting and screaming at my 10 year old when she did the same thing 6 years ago and I vowed this would never happen again.

The kids are seeing a child psychologist who is pursuing her own direction, and she feels that CPS did not fully investigate the matter to her satisfaction.

Hi Fellow Sparcsters,


I am the father and residential parent of four young children, all under 10 years of age - three girls and a boy. The courts awarded me custody of the children last year due to issues with their mom.


The question I have pertains to my 3-year 3-month old daughter. Within the past 2 months, my daughter has begun to either lie on her tummy at the top of the sofa or on the seating section of the sofa and rock herself forwards and backwards.


My Ex got angry at me two weeks ago because my twin sisters gently spoke to both my one sister's daughter and my 10-year old daughter about puberty just before the school's parent-daughter meeting on the same subject. I also spoke separately to my daughter about this. She was so angry that she threatened me with her attorney and, for the ninth time in 3 years, called CPS on me. She claimed that I taught my 3-year old her how to do this. CPS ivisited the house and questioned the kids and me. CPS ruled it at an unsubstantiated claim and stated that the kids are in a safe and happy home. The children's counselor is still pursuing the matter.


My sister is upset because she says that it's OK for a boy to discover this but girls can't. The old 'double standard' seems to apply.



Here's the question -

At what age do young girls start to discovery their sexuality and is what my daughter doing normal and age appropriate?



I would appreciate any other comments you may have as well.


As always, thanks so much,
Wayne

Hi Jewels,


Well, the answer is both Yes and No.


Yes - The courts are changing if you don't get one of the stodgy old male judges who believes that the kids go with the mom.

I received custody of my four young children after the custodial parent (mom) showed herself to have a bit of borderline personality and was continually coaching the kids and trying to interfere with my time with them. The key is, you have to keep your cool through all of the games and don't allow yourselves to be pulled into petty BS.


If the Ex continually tries to play games, buy the book 'Stop Walking on Eggshells' and it's workbook. They are fantastic.


Take care,
Wayne