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Has anyone had any experience with child support termination for a child that emancipates themselves from a non custodial parent with the assistance of their mother? IE no visitation or contact. I am  also seeking  precedents if possible.  I live in NYS. I have  also posted to Socrateaser. Thanks.  

Please help, we live in NYS. DH's child support payment is more than our mortgage for one child. We have a new baby. I am the sole caregiver and don't wish to put him in daycare. I work part-time, and am terrrified of picking up more hours because she will go after the money I make too. We are not able to make ends meet. Last year we entered a year long court battle because she was withholding visitation of his daughter. We had to borrow money from my father to pay the lawyer bills. Now the daughter doesn't come over at all and we had to go back to court to enforce it , my husband is representing himself in this matter. No money. He has never missed a payment for support but we owe arrears of over 1200$ in the above matter which we cannot pay. Her lawyer sent us a letter threatening conttempt. We don't want him to go to jail, have his wages garnished or worse. We want to start making payments but we can't pay the whole thing . Would this look favorable?

She owes my husband 450$ from extra maintenance she was not entitled to in 2002. She concealed her marriage so that she would recieve the money, he was afraid she would withhold visitation if he asked for the money. Can we do any thing about this or is it too late?

Most importantly is the birth of our son a qualifying event that would decrease child support? How can I get this info in NYS?  

I forgot to add a few more question. I know that she will seek my payment of her lawyer fees.

8) Should I request  that my ex pay my lawyer fees due to her assisting my daughter with emancipation and therefore defying the court, or is this more for a contempt ruling?


9) Besides prayer and not going to court at all, Do you have any suggestions on how I avoid paying her lawyer fees?


10) Can I tie this in with a contempt charge or should I just stick to the child support motion?

11) What do you think my chances are based on the evidence listed above?
Please be gentle. :)

Thanks JIMJO

First thankyou for reading this email and answering my questions. Here is my situation, after 3 major court battles to enforce visitation, one of which I represented myself, my 16 year old daughter has broken off all contact with me. I went to the home with a police escort, and the stepfather answered stating that it was his understanding that my daughter wouldn't be coming for visitation anymore, I recieved an email from her stating that she was "not inclined" to come for visitation anymore, I recieved a voicemail from my daughter warning me not to attend her school functions as  I was not welcome and would be ignored, I recieved a letter from her mother telling me to stay away from  both of them, I call and they hang up. So I went to the police station to get a call through and afterwards her mother went to the station, complained and stated that my daughter is no longer accepting my phone calls. I have sent emails which I can prove she recieves and reads but doesn't answer and it is a court order that all visitation will be arranged by email, and I have sent my daughter pictures of her brother via certified signature confirmation mail and they were documented refused at the door. She will not give me her cell phone number and if I want to get a letter or message to her I have resorted to internet blogs and third party messaging through relatives and people at school. Still, despite my best efforts to keep her in counseling and preserve the relationship, I know now that it is my child's choice and that at 16 she is making the decision to not see me. So my ex has "won." My ex does not work, and has a wealthy husband and wealthy parents. She is using my extreme amount of child support for spa days and massages. How do I know?, my daughter told me six months ago the last time I saw her. I should also mention that I am not an abuser in any way. I was warned that If I divorced my ex she would do everything in her power to keep my daughter from me. So I have contacted the lawyer that I used for visitation enforcement and discussed the possibility of child support termination, we both agreed it was worth a try. The relationship with my daughter is already destroyed. I don't feel that my ex should be rewarded for this and believe me by no means does this mean that my daughter will starve. So, since my lawyer is not available until May I am organizing my evidence and preparing to file a motion to end child support due to my child emancipating herself from me with the help of her mother.I am in NYS.

1) When I  file this motion, can I also ask that I be relieved of paying a third of her college tuition, which was in the original divorce decree?

2) Can I ask that my arrearage be cancelled due to the mother's interference with visitation? I am NOT a deadbeat Dad but did accrue arrears during our last court battle when she took me back for an increase in child support.

3) I am wondering if the matter of record that I recieved at the police station when I used the clerk to put a call through to my daughter is worth submitting. I realize that typically matter of records, like for missed visitation, are basically my word, but in this case the clerk was active in helping me attain access to my daughter. Is it?

4) Should I submit the tape recording of my daughter as it was a "public message?"

5) I mentioned before that my daughters step father stated that she wouldn't be coming on visitation anymore, Can I sate this as third party interference or emmancipation with the asistance of her mother and a third party, her step father?

6) I mentioned that letters were refused at the door and documented as such . How can this be argued against interference with visitation?

7) what other things can be used as evidence of  visitation impediment or
emancipation?

Thank you in advance for your patience and assistance, JIMJO

Ok I have taken your advice and wrote a letter to her attorney. Now I would like to attempt a reduction in child support by taking her to court myself. You mentioned that my starting a new family is not grounds for a reduction. Ok, so when I became divorced I was single, paying maintenance until the ex married and was then only supporting my daughter. I had to move in with my parents to survive this. When my wife and I bought the house, we borrowed the money for the down payment from my mother, and my wife was working, but now she is the only child care provider for our infant son. We don't want to put our child in daycare. The last tax return had both our incomes on it. But she only works part time now, about a 1/4 of what she made before. We have taken out a loan on our house, refinanced our car and borrowed money from relatives to pay off the lawyers from our last litigation. Also, I have no contact with my daughter, who I am supporting. The ex married a wealthy man so their standard of living is much higher than when we were married. She even recieved an inheritence, but denied recieving income in court. She does'nt work, she stays at home with their 3 kids. Even so, when I remarried and moved on with my life, she upped the child support to the max right when I got back from my Honeymoon. I want to be prepared before I do this so I don't walk out of there paying more. I know this is a longshot, but I have to try. My Support payment is more than my mortgage and we are going broke!


1 Will they go by last years joint tax return and use my wife's income in their calculation of how much child support I should pay?



2 As I said I always pay my support, will the fact that I am making payments on the arrears  but am not paid in full be held against me?



3 Is there ANYTHING that you see in the above information that would help you advise me how I should proceed and get the reduction? Help!


4 How can I avoid paying her lawyer fees which she always asks for?

Thank you for your help. I can live with the solution you suggested. I just hope she can.

 My tax refund is being held up because she filed against a court order that states she was supposed to allow me to claim my daughter in the even years.

1)How can I prove this?



2) I can start making payments today but I cannot pay the lump sum right now. I have'nt sent any letters yet. How you do recommend I handle this?

My ex and I were in a legal battle for a year just so that I could see my daughter for a weekly dinner visit and the occasional weekend visit. My child support increased and I was supposed to pay the retroactive. I have never missed a child support payment however I was told by my lawyer to wait until the ex contacted me about the retroactive and ask if I can use a payment schedule. Long story short, things went from bad to worse.  I had to petition her back to court to get my visitation again. I am pro se and the action is still pending. I recieved a letter from her lawyer today stating:

It is my understanding that there was an award of support that was retroactive and as a result you owe the sum of X.
To avoid the necessity of my office filing an order to show cause for contempt which will seek an application for attorney's fees, please forward a check emmediately in the amount of X made payable to ex.
I am in NYS

1) If I write her attorney back and offer to make payments due to my financial situtation and intend to pay, will I still be under the threat of contempt?

2) Can she charge me interest?

3)I don't want to go to jail and I don't want my wages garnished. How much can really be done to me at a contempt hearing since I have never missed a suport payment?

4) I have had a baby born in the last year, bought a house and have also remarried, are these "Qualifying events" that would reduce my child support?

5) Should I threaten, politely, that a reduction in child support be in order
if I am forced to go in to debt to pay this amount in one lump sum?

6) She still owes me 500$ in Maintenence fees from 1999 when she remarried and did'nt tell me so she could collect such maintenance, can I bring this up now?

7) Can these letters be held against me in my child visitation hearing?