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Thanks for the reply gipsy. I wish we could just do this amicably. The issue is going to be the finances, he is going to be really PO'd about paying alimony. I just don't want the kids to suffer emotionally as we bicker about money. But I also don't want the kids to be homeless because my H has decided to run off with a married woman.

A part of me says roll over and take the financial beating for the sake of amicable coparenting, but that just isn't logical. I'll probably file this week, he refuses to come home, wont give me $$ for food, I have tapped out my resources.

This all just stinks

I hung around here a few years ago, during my STBX's precious separation. We coparented very well during a 2 year separation, then reconciled. Now, we are heading down the road again, and I am very scared that amicable coparenting is not happening right now.

Our current separation is due to H's adultery, I have tried to save M, but he is just not interested. He has been out of the house for two months, living in a by-the-week motel. He has the kids (2 DD'd ages 6 and 8) on the weekends. Our ultimate goal is 50/50 like we did before. I homeschool the girls (which he currently supports) so we each had them 3.5 nights a week and I had the girls every weekday for school.

H is self employed, his hours are variable depending on his work load.

Like I said, my goal in the 50/50 nights, but right now, I am just not comfortable with that. The girls are not happy at the motel, they say their dad spends his time on the phone with the OW. He brings them home and they are very emotional, crying and angry. I have started them in counseling, but only one visit so far. Counselor just said that OD is very angry.

My fear is that I am letting my "bitter wife" affect the coparenting. But, everyone who knows my H agrees that he is acting very uncharacteristic. I am going to go ahead and file for D, I don't want a divorce, but he is not giving me the money we need for groceries and stuff (he is paying mortgage).

Yes, I am insulted and angry, BUT I know that my DD's need their father in their lives and my goal is to have him around as much as he can be. I have seen too many daughters whose fathers disappear and I do not want that for my children. I do really want us to pull this off as well as we did before. My fears about our security (whether we will lose the house, the homeschooling, needing to borrow $ for food) that all has me on edge.

My H is now angry about the counselor, the counselor suggested that he stop talking to children about the mistress, and I need to stop acting to stressed about money.

I am dealing with my heartache the best I can, but losing faith in him as a father is much harder than losing faith in him as a husband. I have tried to protect my children as much as possible from the reality of what is happening, he told them about the mistress, I didn't want them to know.

He doesn't call them at all during the week. He expects us to accomodate his work schedule and refuses to nail down a parenting schedule.  

I am just scared that I am letting my sense of betrayal affect my ability to coparent. But, he is just not giving me any hope that he has the best interest of the children in mind. His behavior changed after speaking to an attorney, and I hate thinking that he only calls his daughters when an attorney reminds him to. But, I am tickled that he called them and I wish he would call more often to talk to them.

I am rambling, I just needed to introduce myself, I am going to need some support.