Messages

My divorce was final in April.  My ex and I were granted joint custody of our 10 year old daughter with  my ex being designated as primary custodial parent; I am to have standard visitation (1st & 3rd weekends, every other Wednesday night 6-8pm, 4 weeks in summer, etc.).  We all live in Alabama.

In May, my ex began refusing visitation.  Everytime I tried to exercise visitation, my ex had an excuse: "Janie is sick." "Janie doesn't want to go.", etc.  Then my ex began refusing any contact whatsoever. If I called, they wouldn't answer the phone.  If I went to the house, they wouldn't open the door.  I didn't force the issue because I didn't want to cause a scene in front of Janie.

Now, my ex has moved with Janie and left no forwarding address.  I have no idea where my ex and daughter are.  I received a letter last week from Janie with a local post office box for a return address. The letter was three typewritten pages of how much she hated me and never wanted to see me again.  Janie signed it with her mother's maiden name as her last name.

I have sent letters to my ex's attorney, but received no reply.  A friend suggested I go to the police and file a kidnapping charge against my ex as I have no idea where my child is.  My ex home-schools Janie, so I can't even go to the school district to obtain an address.

1.  Can/should I file kidnapping charges against my ex?

I did have a follow-up question regarding my obligation in paying unreimbursed medical expenses.  I gave the example of my daughter's recent eye exam:

>The exam was $86 and the contact lenses were $176.  She states
>that my insurance did not cover it at all and she had to pay
>the full $262.  However, had she gone to one of the providers
>on my insurance, the exam would have been $43 and the contact
>lenses would have been $40, for a total of $83 out-of-pocket
>expense.

Per our divorce decree:

"The Husband shall maintain a policy of major medical and hospitalization insurance covering the minor children and shall pay any and all premiums for the same.  Each of the parties agree to pay fifty percent (50%) of all health care expenses of the parties' minor children including but not limited to medical, dental, hospital, orthodontic, prescription and psychological expenses which are unreimbursed by the insurance provider."

1.  If the medical expenses are unreimbursed because my ex-wife did not use the insurance properly, am I still obligated to pay half of those expenses?

>You say you "suspect" that she didn't go to a preferred
>provider. If you don't know it for a fact, then you're just
>speculating about a possible defense, which may divert you
>from a better argument.
>

Actually, I now know for a fact that at least in one instance she did not use a preferred provider because just a few moments ago I received an email from her where she gave an example of my daughter's eye exam that she feels she paid too much for.

The exam was $86 and the contact lenses were $176.  She states that my insurance did not cover it at all and she had to pay the full $262.  However, had she gone to one of the providers on my insurance, the exam would have been $43 and the contact lenses would have been $40, for a total of $83 out-of-pocket expense.  According to her, her husband's policy would have covered all but $36 of this visit.

She wants me to either change the QMCSO or pay the difference in the cost of out-of-pocket expenses from what my insurance covers and what she claims her husband's insurance would have covered.  So, she wants me to pay the 'extra' $226 that she incurred by not 'being allowed' to have the children exclusively on her husband's policy.

Her exact legal threat:  "If you do not state, in writing, that you will cover the additional out-of-pocket expense from being on your policy, then I will have to bring the matter before the court."  Of course, I'm not going to agree to any such thing in writing.

1.  I'm hoping that you are laughing as much as I am at her threat, but in the event she tries to make good on it, does she even have a case?

>So, if you don't want to do it, just say no, and let her sue
>you, because I think that she will lose this argument before a
>judge, unless there's some really substantial difference and
>improvement between the two insurance policies.
>

Her complaint about my insurance is that some expenses were not covered this past year; however, I suspect the expenses were not covered because she did not use the insurance properly.  For example, she paid more for one of the children's eye exams because she did not go to an eye doctor that was listed as a preferred provider on my insurance.

1.  If she did petition the court on this matter, wouldn't it serve to hurt her case if I showed that she did not utilize the insurance properly to receive the maximum coverage?  (I'm trying to determine what information I would need to have prepared to counter her claims in court.)

We were married for 12 years; my name is definitely on the birth certificates.  However, I am trying to remember if I've ever been asked to sign a passport application.  My ex-wife has travelled to Mexico and Canada with the children in the past, but I believe they only needed a birth certificate and my temporary permission for the vacation travel.

1.  Is there any way I can find out if the children have passports without having to ask my ex-wife?

Thank you again for all your assistance with these matters!  I greatly appreciate it.

My ex-wife and I divorced in AL.  She was awarded the house that we owned at the time.  A paragraph in the divorce decree stated that she was not prohibited from moving from the house in this county.  At the time, her lawyer explained to me that the purpose of the paragraph was to protect her in the event I might try to prevent her from selling the house at some future date.

Four years later, my ex-wife announced she was moving with the children to another state (180 miles from here).  We have joint custody with her designated as primary residence.  I took her to court to prevent her from moving the children away.  She claimed that the paragraph stating she was not prohibited from moving out of this county gave her the right to move with the children to another state.  The judge agreed and allowed the out-of-state move away.

Now, three years later, I have reason to suspect she may be contemplating another move.  Her husband's relocation was the reason for her first move-away; the company also has offices in the Middle East and I believe they may be planning to relocate there.  All of the adults and children in question are natural born US Citizens with no Middle Eastern heritage at all.

Except for the original paragraph that stated "the mother is not prohibited from leaving X County, Alabama", there is no other paragraph that addresses a move away issue.


1.  Is a successful out-of-state move away sufficient grounds to allow an international move away?

>Can she have me removed from the QMCSO
>>against my wishes?
>
>If she files a motion to do so and the court agrees with her
>argument, then yes -- otherwise, no.
>
>
>
>
>

Thank you for your prompt response!  I do have a couple of follow-up questions:  

My ex-wife is not the one with the insurance.  It is her husband's policy.  I am concerned about what might happen in the event that my ex-wife should get divorced.

1.  Would a judge write a QMCSO for a step-parent to be the responsible party for the children's health insurance coverage?

I am also concerned that if I voluntarily agreed to petition the court to remove me from the QMCSO, then that would give the appearance of me relinquishing my parental obligations.  I have reason to suspect that my ex-wife has an ulterior motive in requesting the insurance change.

2.  If I were to voluntarily petition the court to remove me from the QMCSO, could that be construed by the court (or my ex-wife) as me relinquishing my parental rights?

According to the Qualified Medical Child Support Order in my divorce decree, I am designated to carry my children on my health insurance until they reach age 19 (or 23 if in college full-time).  I have joint custody, but my ex-wife is the primary residence of the children.  I live in AL and she lives in TN.

My ex-wife has informed me that she wishes me to drop the children from my insurance plan so that her husband may put them on his.  She believes her husband's insurance coverage is better than mine;  I believe my insurance is as good or equal, so long as she follows the procedures to claims correctly.

As a Federal employee, I am not allowed to remove coverage for my children so long as the QMCSO designating me remains in effect.  My ex-wife wants me to sign a notarized petition to the court asking that I be removed from the QMCSO.  I do not wish to do this.

1.  Can she have me removed from the QMCSO against my wishes?

SD15 has a boyfriend who just turned 16.  They have been dating for 5 months.  BM is going to allow the boyfriend to join SD on their vacation trip this summer in spite of the fact that DH does not think it is an age appropriate thing for his daughter to be doing.

I am sure that there is nothing DH can do to prevent the boy from going on the trip with SD and BM since BM invited him.

DH does not think it is appropriate for a number of reasons.  First, SD is 15 and this is her first boyfriend.  If she is allowed to bring this boy on a trip, then she will presume that any boy she dates afterward will be allowed to go on trips.  It sets a bad precedent.  Second, it gives more weight to the relationship than it is worthy of.  It is a high school 'puppy love'; and while it's cute and sweet for them to date, allowing them to take trips together creates the impression that it is more serious a relationship than it should be at this age. (And at this point in the relationship; they have only been 'dating' for a few months.) Last, is the most obvious one:  No matter how much you think you are watching them, if they are together for a week while out of town, it just gives them that many more opportunities to get into hanky panky.

What is your opinion on coed sleepovers for 15-16 year olds?