Messages

 
1.  I believe the childs desire to relocate with me trumps all the other logistical reasons for her staying.  What is your view from a legal standpoint?

2.  My short term question would be to ask your advise on my seeing my Ex's counselor tomorrow.  CustodyIQ from the Father's Issues board seems to think this is a terrible idea.

3.  Assuming filing for full custody is advisable, should I file before setting up residence in Lousianna or after?

4.  I would appreciate any other advise you might have regarding how to proceed legally.  

Background: I fought and won joint custody of daughter 7 years ago in Northern Utah. Left military to parent daughter. However, financial situation has become dire, and I've been offered a well-paying job in Northern Louisianna. Financial situation dictates that I really have to accept this offer. My daughter is now 14 years old.

Job is temporary (12 months) but good pay, and location is a few hours from family in Little Rock, AR and Memphis TN. Will try to move back to UT afterwards, but only is I can secure a job (yes there is bias against non-Mormons here, but no-one admits it). Otherwise near family or well - just anywhere if I have to.

I've actually sat down with daughter and told her that I thought it was best that she stay put for continuity of education, friends, and living situation with her mother.

Daughter insists she wants to move with me. She gives the following reasons:

1. She hates Utah
2. She loves her mother but hates living with her.
3. She hates her step-father.

What I find strange and surprising is that, like all teenagers, her peer group is everything to her. (when I was her age, if someone made me choose between friends and parent, I would have chosen friends) My daughter is exceptionally social and loves her friends. She has two especially close friends whom she considers her unofficial sisters, one of whom is a constant presence in my house when I have custody of my daughter. She's pretty much an honorary second daughter. In spite of the fact it will pain her terribly to leave her friends, she still insists she wants to move.

Her mother, of course, is having a fit - making threats to go to court, etc. She wants me to support her to convince daughter to stay. My daughters strength of conviction and determination if fierce, and frustrating mother.

Her mother has made an appointment for the both of us to see a psychological counselor tomorrow morning. I find this odd since the problem is with my daughter's attitude toward her mother. So why is the counselor not seeing my daughter? I guess I'll find out for sure tomorrow. right now I'm guessing I'm going to get advice on how to deal with my daughter to force her to stay put.

ASIDE: The Ex knows this counselor from her own therapy. About 2 years ago the EX disappeared into the southern Utah desert for about 4 or 5 days and was picked up by a sheriff's helicopter wandering around dehydrated and in bad shape. I found out from that incident she had previously attempted suicide. Her progress in therapy, plus recent marriage (stable home life) were reasons cited by family court to deny my request for full custody.

 
1.  I believe the childs desire to relocate with me trumps all the other logistical reasons for her staying.  What is your view from a legal standpoint?

2.  My short term question would be to ask your advise on my seeing my Ex's counselor tomorrow.  CustodyIQ from the Father's Issues board seems to think this is a terrible idea.

3.  Assuming filing for full custody is advisable, should I file before setting up residence in Lousianna or after?

4.  I would appreciate any other advise you might have regarding how to proceed legally.  

Background: I fought and won joint custody of daughter 7 years ago in Northern Utah. Left military to parent daughter. However, financial situation has become dire, and I've been offered a well-paying job in Northern Louisianna. Financial situation dictates that I really have to accept this offer. My daughter is now 14 years old.

Job is temporary (12 months) but good pay, and location is a few hours from family in Little Rock, AR and Memphis TN. Will try to move back to UT afterwards, but only is I can secure a job (yes there is bias against non-Mormons here, but no-one admits it). Otherwise near family or well - just anywhere if I have to.

I've actually sat down with daughter and told her that I thought it was best that she stay put for continuity of education, friends, and living situation with her mother.

Daughter insists she wants to move with me. She gives the following reasons:

1. She hates Utah
2. She loves her mother but hates living with her.
3. She hates her step-father.

What I find strange and surprising is that, like all teenagers, her peer group is everything to her. (when I was her age, if someone made me choose between friends and parent, I would have chosen friends) My daughter is exceptionally social and loves her friends. She has two especially close friends whom she considers her unofficial sisters, one of whom is a constant presence in my house when I have custody of my daughter. She's pretty much an honorary second daughter. In spite of the fact it will pain her terribly to leave her friends, she still insists she wants to move.

Her mother, of course, is having a fit - making threats to go to court, etc. She wants me to support her to convince daughter to stay. My daughters strength of conviction and determination if fierce, and frustrating mother.

Her mother has made an appointment for the both of us to see a psychological counselor tomorrow morning. I find this odd since the problem is with my daughter's attitude toward her mother. So why is the counselor not seeing my daughter? I guess I'll find out for sure tomorrow. right now I'm guessing I'm going to get advice on how to deal with my daughter to force her to stay put.

ASIDE: The Ex knows this counselor from her own therapy. About 2 years ago the EX disappeared into the southern Utah desert for about 4 or 5 days and was picked up by a sheriff's helicopter wandering around dehydrated and in bad shape. I found out from that incident she had previously attempted suicide. Her progress in therapy, plus recent marriage (stable home life) were reasons cited by family court to deny my request for full custody.

I didn't notice a "rant about your Ex" forum so I'll put this here as a "Father's Issue".  It seems as good a place as any.

During the feud regarding my move out of state, my Ex FINALLY clarified why she filed for divorce in the first place.

It seems that she misinterpreted my investigation into the topic of feminism and what it had become.  In fact my interest in feminism was only tangental to my interest in men and masculinity and how we were portrayed by society.  That took me into investigating the role of feminism in re-defining masculinity.  

She stated we had irreconcilable differences in how I viewed the role of women in society.  I was interested in the role of men, not women, and never really mentioned nor really even questioned women's role.  I was then, and still remain an equalarian in that regard.  She also said she couldn't even talk to me about it.  More like she bring up the subject, and get clarification on it.  The closest she ever came was getting upset that I questioned there was any such thing as a "patriarchy" as presented by feminists.

So basically, she broke her daughter's home, and broke her "until death do us part" marital vow, over a difference in politics in a particular subject, and a misinterpretation at that.

What an idiot.

If you ask for an adjustment of your CS, She should have to submit her tax records for the past 3 years.  Her previous salaries and rental income should have been filed on her tax records.

I'm about as sure as I can be there is no sexual abuse.  My daughter isn't the type to put up with that sort of thing.  She certainly wouldn't be quite about it.

My Ex, however, has never been very good at making a positive emotional environment, and she can be an "emotional terrorist".

:)

I only wish I could.  What I'm doing goes completely against my own principles.  The moral dilema is causing me a great deal of internal conflict.  I don't believe in depriving my daughter of either parent - myself or her mother.

Unfortunately, I've been trying to find a way to stay put for six years, and all I have accomplished is financial ruin.  (more accurately stated, the cost of being in my daughter's life for the last six years has been financial ruin - overall the balance is a big positive but I simply don't see a way to sustain the situation)

Here's a quote from another board that expains what the situation is here  from a business man who left the LDS church:
_________________________________________

"In Utah, Religious Affiliation matters in Business!

Interestingly enough there is actually an unspoken pecking order:

1. When given a choice.....always do business with the Active Mormon first.

2. If no Mormons exist in a needed area...It is ok to do business with someone who is not a Mormon. (You will NEVER encounter this option in Utah)

3. It is ok to do business with an inactive Mormon on a needs only basis...but avoid this option if possible.

4. Under No Condition should you ever do business with the lowest of life forms....the apostate Mormon."
__________________________________

OF course there is always the possibility of a federal civil service job, but the hiring process is very lengthy.

I've known about the temprorary restraining order tactic for some time.  The irony is that it has been the Ex-wife that has periodically threaten to move my daughter away.  I've had the paperwork on my computer ready to print out and bring to a lawyer in case she ever attempted to do so.  

If she does that, there is nothing I can do.  But the reason the Ex is so upset is because my daughter has told her that if she forces her to stay, she'll run away.  My daughter also told me last night that if we force her to stay "she has a back-up plan".  I knew she was resolved, but not THAT determined.  Apparently my daughter sees this as an opportunity to get out, and is eager to take advantage.  So now I'm worried myself.

Her mother has made an appointment for the both of us to see a psychological counselor tomorrow morning.  I find this odd since the problem is with my daughter's attitude toward her mother.  So why is the counselor not seeing my daughter?  I guess I'll find out for sure tomorrow. right now I'm guessing I'm going to get advice on how to deal with my daughter to force her to stay put.

ASIDE:  The Ex knows this counselor from her own therapy.  About 2 years ago the EX disappeared into the southern Utah desert for about 4 or 5 days and was picked up by a sheriff's helicopter wandering around dehydrated and in bad shape.  I found out from that incident she had previously attempted suicide.  Her progress in therapy, plus recent marriage (stable home life) were reasons cited by family court to deny my request for full custody.

Thank you for your reply.  I appreciate it.

>Daughter -- at that age, she'll throw her future down the
>tubes.

I'm not sure I know what that means.??


>Get permission from the courts and do that right.

Well, sure but I'm on a short timeline.  They're willing to pay generously, put they need me like right after Xmas.  No time really for courts.

>
>Offer tons of time with the mother....
 I'm willing to offer it, and fly daughter back and forth.  Truth is, daughter will not be willing to spend a lot of time at mothers.