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I have a 33 year old son, whom I believe has been alienated from me by his father.  I see my son as also participating in this.  He seems to have adopted all the negative views his father holds about me.  Then he sets up situations that will inevitably result in a "to do" which I am sure confirms for him all of his negative beliefs about me.  This has been going on since I was separated, when my son was four years old.  His father broke all the visitation rules, repeatedly sued me for sole custody (which he did not get) and kept my son away from me by,for example, taking vacations with him during the only times I had vacation.  His father remarried and has become extremely successful and has all the toys, etc.  There are two (lovely) step sons from my ex's new wife. I had hoped that by now my son would have some insight into what happened.  Instead, things are getting worse all the time.  We hardly have any contact and when we do, it has to be on my son's terms.  Making plans to get together is a huge struggle that usually results in an emotional fight over the telephone.  Recently, he refused to tell me his arrival time, coming to visit me.  After trying several times to get this information, I suggested that he not come visit me unless it was what he wanted to do and it seemed like he did not want to come.  That was a first.  Very difficult.  I have always been available to my son.  He does not value what I have to offer as a mother.  It breaks my heart.

Didn't your lawyer explain the process to you? Presumably your husband was served properly.  Do you have any proof of service (ask your lawyer about that; it should not cost you more-- you should be furnished copies of everything that you want from your lawyer)?  I do not know the rules in PA, but the proof of service may be filed in the court.  If there is a question of service, usually there will be a hearing on it.  I suggest that you go back to your attorney and get this straightened out, or get another one (an expert).  Or, ask the court how to go about this.  They usually have people/clerks willing to help.  I believe that if you can at all afford it, get an attorney.  

I suggest that you ask the court about this. Magisgrates in different states function differently. Short of that, ask an attorney. Having said that, a Magistrate is like a judge.  Magistrates leseen the judge's case load.  The magistrate may be asked to hear and report (to the judge) on the case, in which case he/she will make a recommendation to the judge after a hearing. After that, it is up to the judge to make a final decision. If the judge agrees with the magistrate, it may be that what the magistrate says, will happen. If the magistrate is supposed to do more than (just) hear and report on the case, what the magistrate decides will be it. I do not believe that there is any advantage to the parties to having a magistrate hear the case. I believ that it simply lessens the judge's case load. I do not believe that the magistrate functions as a mediator. If the case settles while before the magistrate, then the case settles. In any event, whoever hears the case should handle these cases frequently. Again, as the court and/or an attorney as to the pros and cons of having a magistrate hear the case.

I suggest that you ask the court about this.  Magisgrates in different states function differently.  Short of that, ask an attorney.  Having said that, a Magistrate is like a judge.  The magistrate may be asked to hear and report (to the judge) on the case, in which case he/she will make a recommendation to the judge after a hearing.  After that, it is up to the judge to make a final decision.  If the judge agrees with the magistrate, it may be that what the magistrate says, will happen.  If the magistrate is supposed to do more than (just) hear and report on the case, what the magistrate decides will be it.  I do not believe that there is any advantage to the parties to having a magistrate hear the case.  It lessens the judge's case load.  I do not believe that the magistrate functions as a mediator.  If the case settles while before the magistrate, then the case settles.  In any event, whoever hears the case should handle these cases frequently.  Again, as the court and/or an attorney as to the pros and cons of having a magistrate hear the case.

If you can, find a good, aggressive, experienced child custody attorney.  Check with the state bar association.  If you can't afford one, the court might appoint one.  You might go to the court and ask for someone to be appointed who will represent your child's interests.  Before you do anything, even applying to the court , you should check with an experienced custody lawyer.

You are very fortunate, and it seems that what you did worked out well.  I took the advice of all the "professionals" and did what I could to keep my son's head on straight while his father put him through a meat grinder.  I kept hoping that someday ..... he would figure it all out.  Hasn't happened.  Getting worse. I wish I could just walk away from it all.  I try to ignore it and then opportunities to get together come up; then my son creates a boiling point in making plans to get together.  It happens every time.  This time, he was supposed to visit me with his wife and would not tell me when they were coming, if you can believe it (would not tell me date, time, etc.)  I asked a number of times.  Then,  I said maybe we'd get together another time, when it does not feel like so much pressure. (He doesn't return phone calls until months later, if at all.)  His response was ok.  It breaks my heart.

Don't be shortshighted in dealing with custody issues.  The courts are not designed to work out human issues.  At all costs, absent legitimate abuse, neglect, work out issues involving your children on your own.  What you do now will affect your children, how they view and relate to you and others, including future spouces.  Figure out your motives in going into court.  Is it something that you can work out, even with a therapist or mediator?  If your motive is money, revenge, hatred, getting back at your spouse, you are using your children to do your dirty work.  They are too young and afraid of loyalty isues to articulate how much this hurts them. or figure out how to cope with their world that has gone out of control.  They cave in, not necessarily doing what they want.  They really want to love both parents and not feel guilty about it.  If you embroil them in your personal war against your spouse, they'll know it, they will pay dearly for it, and you, too may pay when they grow up and your relationships have been severely damaged.  Children, even teen agers cannot cope with adult emotions and issues.  Asking them, in or out of court,  to choose which parent they want to live with is like asking them which one parent to save when everyone is drowning.  It is incredibly cruel.  Do them and yourselves a favor.  Absent abuse, neglect, do everything you possibly can to work it out without a custody war.  If you are already in one, consider whether you can wratchet it down as low as possible, or maybe go into mediation or other alternative dispute resolution mode.  You are the adults.  They are the children.  Save them from the damage of custody battles if at all possible.

I was embroiled in a bitter divorce and custody war over my only son.  The custody battle was not of my chosing.  For over 10 years, my son's father fought for sole custody, even though I had sole custody in our separation agreement.  Two times he settled on the eve of the custody hearing, getting a little more visitation.  The third time, we went through a custody hearing, where custody was not changed.  Later, my son moved in with his father.  My son is now 33 years old.  He has enormous problems relating to me.  We spend nice times together, but they are very few and far between.  Every time we have to make plans to get together it results in a full blown emotional fight.  My son once told me that he never felt comfortable either with me or his father.  That really made me sad.  I tried everything when he was little, therapy, anything I could think of to keep his head together while his father, who had all the money, toys and remarriage, found ways to keep my son from me.  There never was time for me to go on vacation with my son.  His father and their new family were going away on some big trip, skiing, whatever.  Anything to keep my son from me.  I have had to fight for my relationship with my son every step of the way, hanging in there, being available, and I am getting very tired.  Here is what can happen if people can't iron out their differences.  Beware, lots of damage to your children when they are grown up.