I am writing you all because I was very upset to learn today that a non-custodial parent is not allowed to set up a meeting with their child's teacher in Tennessee. Through calling various sources, I have learned that this is a Tennessee state law and a policy of the Hamilton County Dept. of Education. I hope that the sources that I have spoken to were wrong and this was not true. If it is, however, I am appalled!
A non-custodial parent is just as much a parent as the Primary Residential Parent! In my case, my husband is an excellent father who pays every penny of child support on time, has his child for every single visitation and asks to have visitation with him much more than what the Parenting Plan gives him. He coaches all of his athletic teams, goes to PTA meetings, Honor Roll Banquet dinners, gymnastics, you name it. The Parenting Plan states that he should have access to everything, as far as education, that the mother does. Unfortunately, his son's mother is not really living up to her role as a parent. She is doing many different things that only provide instability for (child's name deleted).
Therefore, Doug (the father) has decided to file for a change of custody. He is trying to reach into every facet of child's life to see how his mother's actions are affecting him. He called (school deleted) in (city, state deleted) to set up a meeting and was told by the Principal that he did not have the right to meet with child's teacher.
As I said before, we are both appalled! The state wants to carry on and on about "Dead-Beat Dads", as they should. I was a product of one myself. But when a father (or non-custodial parent of either gender) wants to be involved in their child's life, they are not allowed! The school is saying that we just need to call his mother and have her set up a meeting. child's mother has not allowed him to participate in basketball while he is with her and with baseball coming up, we don't think he will be able to do that either! She is not going to set up a meeting because Doug wants her to. She is doing things like this to spite Doug (the father). She has no feelings as to whether this is hurting the child or not. Not only in this, but in many ways, she does not have the child's best interest at heart. One of these is school. If a Primary Residential Parent is not going to do their job as a parent, it has to be up to the other parent or another relative. The fact that they can not get an audience with the school is belittling to the parent.
I understand the School Board's and Tennessee's motive in this: they don't want to be in the middle of custody issues like ours. However, when your business is children, you have to do what is best for the children. We need to find out from the teacher how (child) has been doing. Yes, we can get his file and look at his grades, but that doesn't tell us everything about him. Has she noticed anything small, that is not in the file? How has he been acting to her and other children? Is he acting out or acting strangely (in a way that would not affect his grades). (child) was picked up every day from school by his father (b/c he gets off work in the early afternoon) and they did homework together. When the custody issues started, Doug was not allowed to pick (child) up any more after school; the mother's boyfriend did. His mother rarely assists with homework or checks over it and doesn't always make sure that's it's done on time. He's only in 2nd grade; this isn't the way to "train" your child to learn. Doug wants to find out the differences in (child) from the time when he was picking (child) up to the time after he stopped. Could the teacher see any changes?
This law needs to be changed. I agree that some exiled father should not be able to walk into a school and do whatever he wants, but what about a father that is really living every day just to get to the next weekend to see his kids?
A non-custodial parent is just as much a parent as the Primary Residential Parent! In my case, my husband is an excellent father who pays every penny of child support on time, has his child for every single visitation and asks to have visitation with him much more than what the Parenting Plan gives him. He coaches all of his athletic teams, goes to PTA meetings, Honor Roll Banquet dinners, gymnastics, you name it. The Parenting Plan states that he should have access to everything, as far as education, that the mother does. Unfortunately, his son's mother is not really living up to her role as a parent. She is doing many different things that only provide instability for (child's name deleted).
Therefore, Doug (the father) has decided to file for a change of custody. He is trying to reach into every facet of child's life to see how his mother's actions are affecting him. He called (school deleted) in (city, state deleted) to set up a meeting and was told by the Principal that he did not have the right to meet with child's teacher.
As I said before, we are both appalled! The state wants to carry on and on about "Dead-Beat Dads", as they should. I was a product of one myself. But when a father (or non-custodial parent of either gender) wants to be involved in their child's life, they are not allowed! The school is saying that we just need to call his mother and have her set up a meeting. child's mother has not allowed him to participate in basketball while he is with her and with baseball coming up, we don't think he will be able to do that either! She is not going to set up a meeting because Doug wants her to. She is doing things like this to spite Doug (the father). She has no feelings as to whether this is hurting the child or not. Not only in this, but in many ways, she does not have the child's best interest at heart. One of these is school. If a Primary Residential Parent is not going to do their job as a parent, it has to be up to the other parent or another relative. The fact that they can not get an audience with the school is belittling to the parent.
I understand the School Board's and Tennessee's motive in this: they don't want to be in the middle of custody issues like ours. However, when your business is children, you have to do what is best for the children. We need to find out from the teacher how (child) has been doing. Yes, we can get his file and look at his grades, but that doesn't tell us everything about him. Has she noticed anything small, that is not in the file? How has he been acting to her and other children? Is he acting out or acting strangely (in a way that would not affect his grades). (child) was picked up every day from school by his father (b/c he gets off work in the early afternoon) and they did homework together. When the custody issues started, Doug was not allowed to pick (child) up any more after school; the mother's boyfriend did. His mother rarely assists with homework or checks over it and doesn't always make sure that's it's done on time. He's only in 2nd grade; this isn't the way to "train" your child to learn. Doug wants to find out the differences in (child) from the time when he was picking (child) up to the time after he stopped. Could the teacher see any changes?
This law needs to be changed. I agree that some exiled father should not be able to walk into a school and do whatever he wants, but what about a father that is really living every day just to get to the next weekend to see his kids?