Messages

Why soc, you're turning into an old softie, answering a question that has no legal nature!  ;-)

>Thanks for all of your advice...does anyone have a suggestion
>as to how my BF might be able to have visitation with his
>daughter outside of his ex's home?  She will most likely argue
>if he asks her, and she always has to be right (even if she's
>wrong).  And I know it would be horrible to even just take his
>daughter to the park without asking permission, as she might
>freak out and claim he kidnapped her or something.  How do you
>convince an irrational person that their method of visitation
>is no good?  It seems like either way, he'll encounter some
>sort of chaos.  :(

Absent good reason, it is totally unreasonable to deny dad the abilty to have his daughter on his own.  He's dealing with a mom who's making a power play on him and he's just got to get a lawyer now.  Otherwise he can argue and plead until he's blue in the face.  You should tell him the longer he waits the more crap he has to put up with.

Well said wysiwyg.  Havoc, some of the things you are doing could give your ex excellent fodder for a case in court of you creating PAS.   You also use language that makes me think you're projecting your own issues onto your son.  

Your ex sounds like a troubled man and probably not a good influence on your son.  I have no doubt you're doing all this to protect your child, but you're using classic tactics of parents alienating their kids from the ex: isolate from ex's family, claim kids have problems made worse by ex's family, explaining MUCH more than is necessary about why dad won't see him, hoping to move and not inform the father.  It's as if you read Divorce Poison and are implementing an alienation plan.

You're rationalizing to yourself (I hope not to your son) that cutting the ex's family out of the picture is the ex's choice!  Sorry hon, that's YOUR choice and it's a bad one.  They are making an effort to stay in contact with their grandson and YOU are the one thwarting it.

Hey, go for it to change the custody picture, have supervised visitations, etc.  But you need to clean up your own act too.  You're laying the groundwork to alienate your son completely from his dad, his grandparents, uncles, etc..  Now his dad might do that all on his own, but you will do your son a great disservice if you're a party to it.  Just suppose (and I know it's a great leap for you) that dear dad straightens up his act, becomes more responsible, and wants to welcome his son back into his life in a few years.   YOU will bear a great responsibility if your son refuses this.  It will be YOU who erased your sons grandparents and uncles from his life.

Try these links from another forum:
http://www.bonusfamilies.com/modules.php?name=BonusExpertsWarshak&func=show&articleid=140&articlepage=1

http://www.bonusfamilies.com/modules.php?name=ExEtiquetteExtras&func=show&articleid=71&articlepage=1

http://www.bonusfamilies.com/modules.php?name=ExEtiquetteExtras&func=show&articleid=66&articlepage=1

 

Other people here will probably respond with much more detailed advice on documenting things, etc.  But to me, there are 2 clear things your BF needs to do now.  First is get a lawyer and get a real agreement in place.   The longer this situation remains the status quo, the less of a chance he has of changing his custody arrangements.

Second, I'm not exactly clear where his time with his DD happens, but he should not allow his ex into his house nor spend his time with his daughter in her/her mom's place.

>Well, the judge ordered that I
>have to take him to anything my ex signs him up for like
>soccer, or baseball on one of my two weekends.  That means we
>can now only go up to the Poconos once a month!  And the
>kicker is that she doesn't have to take him to anything I sign
>him up for, like bowling on her weekends!  Talk about a double
>standard!!!     Hes content to play have the season, and come
>with his dad the other two weekends.   I thought that if its
>my weekend, I can do what I want with my son.  I don't tell
>her what to do on her weekends!  I don't get it!!!  
>Please help!!!!!!    

Tommy, you said you had joint legal custody? Is there anything in your current MSAs, etc that deals with this? In my case, it very explicitly says that neither my ex nor I may sign up our kids for an activity that crosses over to the other's time unless we have prior written permission. Would that work for you?

Did you sign your DS up for bowling without consulting your ex?

>what you are saying in my opinion is.. I dont want to work
>this marriage out, I want to be done, but I want to put on a
>mask that everything is fine until it is convienient for me,
>and until I  get what I want out of the relationship, I
>personally think this is a terrible thing to do..so unfair to
>your children, and to yourself,  if you are done with the
>marriage, end it, otherwise you may cause hurt and resentment
>that is beyond words.. How long have you been married? Is she
>the devil reincarnated?  Now I realize there are probably a
>lot of people that are not gonig to agree with what I said,
>but its just my opinion..

I do disagree. When I first read what Yoda wrote, I was thinking along your lines, but in reading his follow-ups I've changed my mind.  Fathers so often get screwed with custody.  This guy is trying to get 50/50, not pull a stunt to get full custody.  If this is what he has to do to remain strongly involved in his  kids' lives, I say good luck.

>My personal opinion is "True and Equal Parenting" from the
>start. Take away the incentive and more marriages would remain
>intact. Give BOTH FIT parents total equality in the courtroom
>and many women would opt to stay and work things out. Barring
>any abuse or neglect that may be going on. Not false
>allegations, the use of solid evidence.
>
>It would be a step in the right direction and remove much of
>the conflicts many now face.
>
>The children would come out the true winners.
>
>But right now, things are too easy to walk away, too many
>incentives and the knowledge of how to play the game. Whether
>it is an RO or OOP or being encouraged to keep a 'high
>conflict' situation going, and beleive me, CP's are told to do
>this just so there will not be "joint". On most of their
>sites, this is one of the first things you will read.
>
>Here is Liz Scott's advice to women:
>
>http://www.realfamilylaw.com/tutorial-for-women-on-effective-use-of-dv-allegations.php
>
>And more on Liz:
>
>http://www.gate.net/~liz/liz/
>
>The "NEW" game in town:
>
>http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/roberts/060222
>
>http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/roberts/060228
>
>The sad part is, there are many step parents who really love
>and care about these children caught in the middle. Many of
>them would never dream of pulling this crap. And CP's who
>truely put their children as top priority. To them, I salute
>you.
>
>Here is someone who is standing his ground and doing something
>politically toward REAL reform,
>  
>http://www.equalcustodyact.com/
>
>
>
>
>
You're mixing up two different people.  Lisa Scott is a lawyer with an appraently strange sense of humor.  I really think she's for equal rights, but is trying to demonstrate it through satire.  Liz Kates is a lawyer from Florida who has posted many articles that are derogatory towards fathers rights.

>My personal opinion is "True and Equal Parenting" from the
>start. Take away the incentive and more marriages would remain
>intact. Give BOTH FIT parents total equality in the courtroom
>and many women would opt to stay and work things out. Barring
>any abuse or neglect that may be going on. Not false
>allegations, the use of solid evidence.
>
>It would be a step in the right direction and remove much of
>the conflicts many now face.
>
>The children would come out the true winners.
>
>But right now, things are too easy to walk away, too many
>incentives and the knowledge of how to play the game. Whether
>it is an RO or OOP or being encouraged to keep a 'high
>conflict' situation going, and beleive me, CP's are told to do
>this just so there will not be "joint". On most of their
>sites, this is one of the first things you will read.
>
>Here is Liz Scott's advice to women:
>
>http://www.realfamilylaw.com/tutorial-for-women-on-effective-use-of-dv-allegations.php
>
>And more on Liz:
>
>http://www.gate.net/~liz/liz/
>
>The "NEW" game in town:
>
>http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/roberts/060222
>
>http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/roberts/060228
>
>The sad part is, there are many step parents who really love
>and care about these children caught in the middle. Many of
>them would never dream of pulling this crap. And CP's who
>truely put their children as top priority. To them, I salute
>you.
>
>Here is someone who is standing his ground and doing something
>politically toward REAL reform,
>  
>http://www.equalcustodyact.com/
>
>
>
>
>
You're mixing up two different people.  Lisa Scott is a lawyer with an appraently strange sense of humor.  I really think she's for equal rights, but is trying to demonstrate it through satire.  Liz Kates is a lawyer from Florida who has posted many articles that are derogatory towards fathers rights.