Messages

"Try this. //www.lawyers.com

"It is the web site for Martindale-Hubble, the organization that rates lawyers nationally. Just fill in your city, state & use Family as a type. If you are in a small town, go to the closest big city. You don't want one of the good ol' boys.

Make sure you choose one who is a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist. Remember, you are HIRING this person. He/She is working for you. Ask lots of questions, especially, ask what percentage of their clients are father's and what their success rate is in fathers seeking custody cases. If you don't like the answers, keep looking.

This is going to cost a lot. Remember, a cheap lawyer usually turns out to be very expensive in the long run. But it sounds like you already found that out.

Document, Document, Document. That is the mantra of SPARC. Read, read, read. Educate yourself. There is so much info on this site. Come back often & learn from other's experiences. You have lots of new friends here. Post your questions & let us know how things are going."
 
                         -This is from msme on another post.


Talk to a lawyer.  In court, you have to prove that you are the best possible choice for your daughter.  If you can provide better for your daughter, have any proof of verbal abuse on your ex's part, have any proof that your daughter is not in the best placement, you'll need it.  Find out about getting a home study to show the court that you are sutible for your daughter to live with you.  A home study can cost anywhere from $1,500 to maybe even $3,000.  You'll have to contact an adoption agency to have one done.  You may be able to have the court order a home study be done for your ex.  They will go over the safty of your house, mental issues, other health issues, your financial standing....how well you can provide for your child, if you can pay your bills, what loans you are paying on, what is your cost of living, your employment record....how long you've been employed, how long do you usually keep your jobs, have you been fired, do you have athority issues at work? (the fact that she is not employed would not be good on her part) if you've had any abuse durning childhood and have you delt with it, how you handle differnt situations, your parenting style, who lives with you, do you have a child care provider, school for your child....etc.  We used Luthern Services for our home study.  You don't have to be luthern to work with them, they are an adoption agency.  We went threw the one in Waterloo, Iowa.  
      Never lose Hope, and God Bless, SJH

Hey, I was doing dishes and thinking....  If you were fired without reason, or bad reason, can't you apply for unimployment?  If you get unimployment, they may give you back payment checks starting from the day you were fired.   Just a thought.  SJH

I would say first thing to do is find a job, wether you have to move to a new town or whatever.  Get a good place. Get a good lawyer.  Ask around, make sure to get a lawyer that will actually talk to you, and work for you.  You DON'T have to stick with a crap lawyer.  Find out what your lawyer has to say about the situation.  Also, if you can find any proof of your ex, or someone else stickin' it to you when it comes to getting/keeping a job, talk to your lawyer about that.   You'll probably want to contact an adoption agency and get a home study done.  You will need proof for the court that you are the best place for your daughter.  Wether or not your ex will let you see your daughter, you need to ask/call/ write her about it.  If you can email her, and get a response, that's probably the best, because you can use thoes emails in court.  You're going to want to have your lawyer dig up the alligatoins that your ex made about her ex husband and that she was found untrustworthy.  If she has a psy. eval, have that brought up in court, and possibly the court will have her get a new one.  If so, the court will probably have you get one done too.  You may need to have witnesses that have seen you with your daughter, people who know your character, etc.  If your ex has any convictions, ANYTHING in her past that can be brought up that will help show the real her, you'll want to help your lawyer get it.  What is she like at work?  Has she ever had any problems with co-workers, athority, etc.?  What is your daughter's day care provider think of her?  Has she ever had any problems with your ex, or seen any problems with your ex and your daughter?  You may even want to talk to her ex husband if that's an option.  It is hard to get custody over the mother, but if you can prove that she is unfit, you've got a chance.  
Also, my uncle who won custody of his daughter was fighting against his ex who's daddy footed the bill as well.  He went to go see her dad and told him that he doesn't care how much he is willing to pay, that he was not going to give up on this daughter, and that he be out thousands if he supports his daughter aginst him.  Maybe if you sit down and talk to her dad you can reassure him that you only want the best for your daughter and that you wouldn't have a problem with them coming to see her.  Many grandparents freak that they'll never see their grandchildren, so reassuring them can help.  If you can your ex's dad to realize that you really do want your daughter, and that your ex doesn't let you see her (if he doesn't know...maybe he doesn't if she's that manipulative.)
Never back down, never lose hope.  This may take a few years, but as soon as you lose hope, you've lost her.  My husband and I are fighting for custody of his daughter, and it's been over two years, but we're possibley looking towards the end now.  Check out some other posting on the site, their's a lot of good info. on here.  I hope this helps.  As long as you get somethings lined up for you, it sounds like you may have a chance with your wife's past history of lies in the court, etc.
Keep the hope alive, and God bless.  SJH

My husband had had a psy. evaluation done at the beginning of his daughter's custody case, and it took one to two months tops.  He only met with the the Dr. one time though, so there were no follow up visits.

No one has custody of my husband's daughter.  No one has ever had custody of her.  Her mother's adoptive parents have guardianship over her.  The reason that we are getting screwed with visits is because the grandparents get to make all the rules.  We now have a kick butt lawyer, but before we had a court appointed lawyer who was really crappy.  When we went to court and the guardianship was established, we had no lawyer.  Our lawer for jv. court wouldn't call us back to represent us, and we couldn't find any lawyers in the short amount of time.  So there were no stippulations put on the guardians, so they decide on the rediculas visitation schedual.  When DHS was involved, we could see her anytime we want.  Now they only let us see her twice a week; one 3 hour visit, and one 4 to 5 hour visit, depending on them.  Keep in mind that we live 50 min. away.  We have asked many times to have over nights, more time, etc.  They usually respond (in email thankfully!!!) that if we don't like it to take them to court. We believe that we are towards the end of this now, granted that this could take months.  There is a good chance that we will be able to settle out of court.  We've been told by DHS workers that were involved that they do not think that they would pass a home study, let a lone a psy. evaluation....and they aren't even foster registered.  
Thanx for your reply.

Hello!
I was wondering what is a reasonable transition time for a two year old who is coming to live with her father and step-mother who will be adopting? His daughter has a great bond with him and I, and she is comfortable in our home, thought she has never been allowed to stay over night at our home. We have petitioned to terminate the guardianship because we have been ready to take custody of my husband's daughter, and the guardian's are completely uncooperative. We have an approved home study, have been providing a scheduling of regular weekly visits a month a head of a time for at least 6 months now, have been providing all transportation for all visits ( my husband's daughter lives in a town that is 50 min. away from where we live), have been paying all child suport, and providing his share of her health insurance. We had submitted a six month transition plan for his daughter in December, which the guardians rudly denyed through their lawyer. In the plan that we submitted through our lawyer we said that we were open to suggestions, or possibly a plan that they would be ok with, but they wanted noting to do with it, and suggested nothing. So we have petittioned to have the guardianship terminated. They submitted to us a YEAR LONG transition plan for his daughter with stipulations such as if he were to be called to go over seas, that they will have custody of his daughter, etc.!! This is rediculas. If we cannont work anything out with them we will be going to court. They DO NOT want to go to court. They have implied that they know that they may lose. I know I've written a lot hear, but what do you think would be a good transition plan if we even submit one to them? They think that a year or longer would benifit her the best, but moving TO SLOWLY is also harmful to a 2 year old.
Any comments would be great, Thanx, SJ