Messages

A few weeks back my wife wanted a divorce then she said she changed her mind.  Now I just found out she quit her job without even telling me.  She still hasn't told me.  I found out through her workplace.  Plus I found slip of paper with all our assets listed and divided and her last two paychecks were not direct deposited.

Up to this point we have both been working and sharing the kid duties.  I'm fearful that her plan is to stay at home to set a primary care precedent before filling for divorce.  

My question is, should I strike now before that happens?  Or is it better to plan a strategy (something I've only started to do)?  

This board has been very helpful in educating and mentoring me and I thank all of you.  That knowledge has been priceless and your help is well appreciated.

Question:  Hit the ground with Guns Flaring or Considerate Start?

I'm interested to hear how others have started their divorce.  In my opinion there's really only two ways either with Guns Flaring or with a Considerate Start.  Both have their pros and cons but is one better then the other with respect to child custody?  Since I can not imagine a day passing where I'm not involved in my children's lives, I would like as much custody as possible.  Being a man I realize the odds are not in my favor so is there a strategy that is better suited for us men seeking custody?  
With a Gun Flaring start and declaring sole physical custody, you hit the ground running but risk pissing off the ex hence making her uncooperative.  
With a Considerate start you could ask for separate living arrangements with a 50/50 custody while the divorce proceeds.  This would help set a precedent that increases a man's odds at getting 50/50 but it may detract from the odds of getting sole custody since it wasn't requested in the first place.  
I'm curious to hear the group's thoughts.
Thanks in advance.

Given recent events, I'm beginning to believe this will be a drawn out divorce.  What type of timeline should I expect?  What type of lawyer fees should I expect and maybe this is best expressed in lawyer hours? – I'm unsure.
Thanks for your time!

I wish I could slow it down and exercise co-parenting counseling but she is already on full steam and I have yet to find a local lawyer.  If anyone in my area has a suggestion please let me know.  There are hundreds of family attorneys and the task is daunting.

Thanks for the information on PAS.  I had to look it up and found a good resource at (http://www.houstonpbs.org/site/PageServer?pagename=con_children_family_court).  I believe my kids are too young for this.  Although, I've already experienced "alienating" behaviors or tactics that are very disturbing.  I would never stoop to that level and I'm concerned it's a telling sign of things to come.  

Thanks to all for the documenting advice.  I've adopted it and have started a daily log documenting all our/my interactions.  Hopefully this will help me in the long run.  This feedback has been very helpful and any other suggestions are very welcomed.  

All,
My wife asked for a divorce this past weekend.  I'm lost for words.  Despite all our efforts, our relationship has been going down hill for years now.  For the past few years my new years resolution has been the same – bring back our loving relationship.  Unfortunately, I'm realizing that both parties have to have that vision.  

Even though I try, She hasn't spoke to me in a while.  I just can't believe this is happening and I'm looking for advice.  If this is really going to happen, what can I do to keep my day-to-day life with my kids?  I love them more than words can express and I can't imagine not being a part of their daily lives, laughter, and growth.    

Since I hear that men are at disadvantage in gaining custody, I'm looking for information on child custody for men.  Specifically on  
    *  Easing the experience on my children
    *  Recommended Lawyers (I'm in the Atlanta, GA area)
    *  Evaluation questions to ask lawyers
    *  Books or other learning material I should read
    *  Forums like this where I learn more
    *  Most importantly any personal advice community members may have

Thank you for your time, insight, helpfulness and may our words help each other,
Ben