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I was told by an attorney to try to locate any proof of his abusive behaviour.  

ok, Thanks!

So, I'm sure everyone read my previous post.  Well, over the past few years (since I've had some sort of internet access) I've been randomly posting searches for my daughter.

     Her father must have recently tripped over one, b/c he emailed me.  He started by saying that he'd hoped I'd grown up b/c he has, and that he wants to be civil.

 But then he emails me again and ask me where I disapeared to all these years, and why am I trying to see Sandra now.  (I've lived in the same small town all these years, and amazingly he seems to locate me whenever he wants.)  Also, he's the one who had his number changed and unlisted, then just disapeared.  I called his family multiple times!  Even as recently as 2001.  But, they wouldn't tell me anything.

The he turns around and tells me to take down my "Missing Childrens" post for Sandra, or I'll never hear from him or her again.  But that's not a threat, he doesn't want any mistrust.  

So I found my divorce papers, and I'm setting up an appt. with a lawyer.  I'm also trying to get copies of police reports from when the police responded to domestic abuse calls at our residence.  

~Does anyone know what I have to do to obtain this info, is it public??~

Thank you for that.  It brought tears to my eyes.  I've been writing journals to her since the divorce.  I have so many of them.  And long ago, after seeing how bitter my parents were towards each other, I had decided that I'd NEVER verbally attack her father.  No matter what he'd done to me.  It's not up to me to make up her mind about how she feels for her father, it's her decision.  And I'd never want to force her to choose between us.  I only wish that maybe after all these years, my ex has grown a little, and we can get along civil-like for her sake.  I'm hoping that it will be good when we finally see each other.

 The woman who was her step mom until she was 7, says that she's a very smart girl.  And that on trips to her grandparents, she would often sneak down to the basement to look at pictures of me, that were in a photo album.  Her father had tried to throw them out, but his sisters got them out of the garbage and said they were for my daughter when she got older.  The ex-step mom also has some things, like her baby book, (which my ex pretty much destroyed most of my pictures) and a baby blanket I made her.  But she's holding on to them for my daughter.

Thank you, N.

Thank you.  I think it's just easier for some people to walk away from the pain they've caused.  Rather than trying to fix it.

I'll excuse your opinion because

a.) I was only 16 when he, a Navy Sailor, got me drunk, had his way, and intentionally got me pregnant.

b.) You don't even know the man, and that he likes to threaten women with guns to get what he wants out of them.

As far as me being a dramatic person, I've lived with myself for the past 10 yrs.  Everyday thinking about my daughter what I could do to correct my wrongs.  
     I've also been a "victim" since early childhood.  I didn't have one, let alone two parents to raise me.  I was cooking my own meals by the time I was 5.  I'd been sexually molested at about 6 by a man who's face I don't even remember, therefore have no clue to who he was.  I was nearly raped by my step-uncle when I was 13, then my step dad kicked me out!  

    My father treated me like I was just the maid and babysitter, while he went out of his way for my half siblings.  And if I so much as looked at him funny he'd beat the crap out of me.  

    My mother was a raging alcoholic who would get drunk and attack the closest person to her.  She broke my one brother's arm, and put about 12 bite marks on my other brother.  She also bit me on numerous occasion.  Twice we had to get a loaded gun out of her hands.  I'd been removed from the home once by the police, b/c of my mother.  I'm sorry if you think I'm dramatic.  No I'm a survivor, I'm a mother bear who's going to find out how and when to recover her lost cub, and to repair the damage that has been done.  You don't just damage something, then walk away and say, OOPS.  

I've thought the same thing.  Except my ex-husband is now with his 4th wife, and he's still a controlling mad man who threatens his wife and kids with guns.  So I basically find out that my daughters last 10 yrs. have been terrible, and she's been terrorized.  His ex told me that shortly after they married, my daughter started crying for me.  My ex picked her up and beat her butt so bad that she never spoke the word mommy again.  That it wasn't until she was 7 that she asked if she could call her mommy, for fear her father would go balistic.  I could go all day with the nightmare stories I've been told.  He even abandoned her for 4 months with his recent ex  (after the divorce) because he didn't want her and so that he could go chase after his "now" wife.     (He also fractured his ex-wife's leg, b/c she had a miscarriage and didn't want to make an 8 hr. drive with him to his family's home.  So he went off on her.)

As for my sons, how do you think it would look when they are in their 20s and some girl shows up claiming to be their sister, and I didn't tell them.  I think I'd be angry if my mom kept the fact that I have a sister out there.  Don't you??

It's been 10 yrs.  She's 12 now.

Long story:
  I was an abused wife for two years.  Finally he tried to kill me, my neighbors heard the commotion and called the police.  They also kicked our door in.  During our marriage he didn't let me have a job for a long time, when he did finally let me get a job he insisted on driving me to and from.  He wouldn't let me get a license.  He also intercepted my paychecks.  I never had any money of my own, only a small allowance he would give me.

Anyways, I ran w/ our daughter but b/c I didn't have any friends, family, car or money to get a hold of, I found myself feeling defeated.  Also he got a restraining order returning the custody of our daughter to him.  (He had a scratch from when I tried to fight him off.)

IN the end he got our daughter and moved her to the other side of the United States.  He told me that if I tried to contact our daughter that the police would arrest me.  After he had moved a couple of times I got a hold of him and he said that my parental rights had been terminated.  And that his new wife was my daughter's legal mother now.  And I being only 19, young and dumb, believed him.  I asked for proof, but he just hung up on me, and once again disapeared.  So hopeless, homeless, and never had to live on my own, I gave up.  

Now, after I've gotten my GED, graduated college w/ an associates degree and now have a steady job and 3 boys who would like to meet their sister, I want to do something to see her.

I've recently found out that he's relocated to yet another state, and this has been going on for 10 yrs.  I just don't know what to do, let alone the fact that I'm terrified of her father.


Just needed to unload.  I also found out that I have joint custody (him having physical), I owe years of Child support that I didn't know about, nor did he attempt to collect on.  IN the divorce papers he suppose to allow reasonable visitation and notify me when he moves.  He's never done any of this.  I'm in contempt for the child support, that I'm currently putting money to the side for each month, and he's in contempt for alienating me.

1.) I'm not sure.  I misplaced my divorce papers after I got my driver's license.  BUt, I'm sending for a new one.  In 2001 CS in Utah took my taxes.  And sent me a couple of letters, so I called them trying to get info on my ex's whereabouts.  But, I never heard another thing about it, and even started getting my taxes again.

Thank you.
:-)
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      By the way, he contacted me through email yesterday.  

      It's the first time I've heard from him in 10 yrs.  He must have seen my postings on line searching for my daughters whereabouts, and used my email address.  This is what he said, if you have an opinion of what I should do:

"it would seem that this was bound to happen sooner or later.i would like to think that after all these years you have done as much growing up as i have and that you want what is best for s____ so i will give that
the benefit of the doubt and initiate a conversation that could possibly open the doors for proper communication. this is the only medium of
communication i am currently comfortable with so i hope you understand.looking forward to hearing from you in a civil manner soon."