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Thanks so much for your reply & input.

It's jus a very stressful situation going on right now.  We just don't know what to do.  Sd is failing tremendously in school & we have spoken to her about it on Sunday & she admitted that she wants & needs the help from us because she doesn't get it @ home & her mother isn't educated enough to help.  We tried talking to the ex about sd coming to live w/us but she right out refused.  SD told mom she would visit every weekend & still no.  But we are sure after we left that Sd mind was changed to stay w/mom.  So we don't know if we should believe Sd that she wants the help or if she was just telling us that or what.  But this was the 1st time ever that she has said she would come live w/us & knows she would be ok & admitted that she is afraid of her mother (she's controlling)Bm took us to court last week to try to get the judge to sign an order so that Sd doesn't have to come visit like order but when she is ready & wants to she will.  It got thrown out of court & ordered for Sd to get involved in counseling to see what the problem is of why she doesn't want to come up.  (didn't see her for 9 mos prior to the petition, petition filed b/c DH wanted Sd to come up so he could talk to her)We strongly believe that bm has sd so confused & afraid she doesn't know what to do.  And @ this point neither do we......

But sd has told bm & us that she would run away when she doesn't get what she wants....

Would we have a case (in NY) to get custody based on her failing school (down hill almost every yr not just this yr)?  Being that mom doesn't have the means or education to help?  

Any advise or input would be greatly appreciated.  

I am a sm of a 14 yr old girl.  She lives in NY w/mom & we live in PA.  What would happen if she was to runaway & show up on our door step?  She has made mention of running away a couple of times now.  Would we or the police have to bring her back to her mother or if she is safe (roof over head, food, clothes ect) would she be able to stay until the issue was settled between parents & her or court?  Or if she was to runaway a couple of miles away from home & she called & asked dad/myself or family member to pick her up? Is that legal? Or would she have to find her own way w/o family member assistance?  Any one w/information on this that maybe able to help please let me know.  

Believe me when i say i know where you are coming from & how you feel.  My DH is going through the same situation w/his daughter.  She is 14 yrs old & failing 9th grade & has been struggling in school for yrs.  DH just got served w/court papers on Sunday b/c Ex wants the courts to put it in writing that SD doesn't have to visit & will visit when she (SD) is ready.  DH hasn't seen SD in over 8mos & when he pressed the issue for SD to come visit he wants to help her pass her classes & help ake up work & wants to visit & talk to her to see what's been going on why she hasn't visited in so long DH gets served court papers.  Have to go to court on 4/6 in NY.  DH has been thinking about going for custody but doesn't know if he would win or if it would back fire on him b/c of all the damage the BM has done for so many yrs...

Where do you live?  
Believe me i know exactly how you feel & what you're going through.

I would also like to know the answer to this situation as your story fits my DH w/my sd to a Tee.  She's possibly failing the 9th grade for the yr & mother gives us excuse after excuse.  SD has been very distant since last July, like she wants nothing to do w/us anymore & just tonight CP tells DH that sd is just fine, why don't we just leave her & them alone.  (we have custody of ss (7th grade for over 2 yrs now, he's on honor roll).  Also that she'll (CP) will never sign over sd that we'll have to take her to court & we'll lose.  
We live in PA & court cases are heard in NY.  
What would are chances of getting custidy of sd on the grounds of failing school (mother doesn't have the education to help her), not involved in counseling(court ordered), CP interfering w/visitation & DH & Sd relationship (haven't seen her in over 9mos), also refusal to provide us baseball schedules claiming we won't go so what's the sence...

Pls any advise will be greatly appreciated...